🕷️ Crawler Inspector

URL Lookup

Direct Parameter Lookup

Raw Queries and Responses

1. Shard Calculation

Query:

Response:

Calculated Shard: 113 (from laksa051)

2. Crawled Status Check

Query:

curl -X POST \
  'http://laksa113.int.ahrefs:8124/' \
  -H 'Content-Type: text/plain' \
  -H 'X-ClickHouse-Database: crawler3' \
  -H 'Authorization: Basic YXBpOg==' \
  -d 'SELECT getAhrefsURLFromUnparsed(src_unparsed) AS found_url, ifNull(toUnixTimestamp(download_stamp), 0) AS crawl_time, ifNull(toUnixTimestamp(props_url_first_seen), 0) AS first_indexed_time, download_http_code AS http_code, src_unparsed AS src_unparsed, src_root_hash AS src_root_hash, history_drop_reason AS history_drop_reason, meta_title AS meta_title, meta_descriptions AS meta_descriptions, attrs_boilerpipe_text AS attrs_boilerpipe_text, attrs_markdown AS attrs_markdown, attrs_readable_markdown AS attrs_readable_markdown, meta_canonical AS meta_canonical, ml_categories_json AS ml_categories_json, ml_types_json AS ml_types_json, ml_intent_types_json AS ml_intent_types_json, meta_language AS meta_language, attrs_author AS attrs_author, ifNull(toUnixTimestamp(attrs_publish_time), 0) AS attrs_publish_time, ifNull(toUnixTimestamp(attrs_original_publish_time), 0) AS attrs_original_publish_time, ifNull(attrs_is_republished, 0) AS attrs_is_republished, ifNull(attrs_nr_words, 0) AS attrs_nr_words, ifNull(attrs_boilerpipe_nr_words, 0) AS attrs_boilerpipe_nr_words, ifNull(body_ext_links_number, 0) AS body_ext_links_number, ifNull(body_int_links_number, 0) AS body_int_links_number, ifNull(meta_nofollow, 0) AS meta_nofollow, ifNull(meta_noarchive, 0) AS meta_noarchive, ifNull(props_was_rendered, 0) AS props_was_rendered, ifNull(src_redirect, \'\') AS src_redirect, ifNull(download_time_msec, 0) AS download_time_msec, ifNull(download_ttfb_msec, 0) AS download_ttfb_msec, ifNull(download_size, 0) AS download_size FROM crawler3.page_info_local FINAL PREWHERE (src_root_hash, src_unparsed) IN ((getAhrefsRootHashFromUnparsed(getAhrefsUnparsedNoserviceFromURL(\'https://www.ricemedia.co/pretty-privilege-bbfa/\')), getAhrefsUnparsedNoserviceFromURL(\'https://www.ricemedia.co/pretty-privilege-bbfa/\'))) FORMAT JSONEachRow'

Response:

{"found_url":"https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/pretty-privilege-bbfa\/","crawl_time":1776894230,"first_indexed_time":1638951866,"http_code":200,"src_unparsed":"co,ricemedia!www,\/pretty-privilege-bbfa\/ s443","src_root_hash":"16209953504856011713","history_drop_reason":null,"meta_title":"The Perils of Pretty Privilege: BBFAs On HardwareZone Speak Out","meta_descriptions":["Hidden in the depths of HardwareZone's tech reviews is a bustling forum for the loneliest singles in Singapore. We found the real life BBFAs."],"attrs_boilerpipe_text":"All images: Zachary Tang & Isaiah Chua for Rice Media unless otherwise stated.\nTo understand BBFA, one must first be privy to its origins and complexities. Hidden in the depths of HardwareZone’s tech reviews about the fluctuating changes in MacBook features lies its forums. And the tallest tree in the forest is none other than the\nEat Drink Man Woman (EDMW) forum\n. \nAs blase as its name sounds, the forum stays true to its description, with almost “any happening topic” pertaining to Singapore being discussed heatedly in various threads. If you are familiar with the online forum scene, EDMW is\nr\/Singapore\n’s crude cousin: misogynistic, xenophobic, and unafraid to be politically\nincorrect\n. Etiquette, pleasantries, and “good English” are also unnecessary here.\nADVERTISEMENT\nHowever, what is especially distinctive about EDMW is its\nidiosyncratic lingo\nwhich may catch you off guard if you are new to the platform. Behind the allusions to delectable junk food like ‘Real Cheesepies’ (RCP) or ‘Curry Sauce’ is a niche code for ‘real girls’ and finding ‘sources’ befitting its CSI army of users.\nAmidst these acronyms is none other than the term ‘\nBBFA\n’, littered across EDMW’s green digital pages. Bui Bui Forever Alone (BBFA) is especially intriguing as a term as the Hokkien word for “fat” paints a very specific and seemingly depressing image of singlehood. Nonetheless, the phrase is tossed about the forum like ping pong balls, formerly hurled as an insult but now bouncing back as a badge of honour.\nThe Babe of BBFA\nFinding a BBFA for this piece felt very much like travelling to Vivocity to catch a rare Pokemon and furiously swiping on our phones at the hint of any leads, only for the Pokeballs to languidly roll away.\nWhen Eudea and I were scouring through EDMW, the only self-identified BBFA we found didn’t fully fit the label.\nWe first spoke to 26-year-old C* (IAmNobodyxxx on EDMW) who made a\nYouTube channel\nbased on her experiences on the forum. \nhttps:\/\/youtu.be\/rTtjiJCRPHU\nC’s welcome video to users on EDMW who doubt that she is a female BBFA\nIn her welcome video, C chirpily announces her status as a BBFA. She hugs a pastel pink elephant soft toy in front of her, a distraction from “the fats sticking out” as she sits down. As we watched her videos, both Eudea and I had the same thought: “she’s not bui bui”.\nSo when we finally interviewed C, we were skeptical if she would be “forever alone” either. \nIt turns out, a breakup was the very thing that led her down the path to joining the BBFA community.\n“My first and only relationship was in poly and, I don’t want to blame my childhood but it plays a part. I grew up without a proper father figure and I saw how strong and independent my mom was.”\nThroughout her first relationship, C was convinced that she had to be straightforward and that things needed to be black and white between her and her ex-partner. But when the relationship fell apart after five years, she finally realised things were never that simple.\nC went on to repeat a Chinese proverb to us: “The smartest woman isn’t a strong woman, but a woman who knows when to act vulnerable.”\nHer failed relationship was fraught with pain, but it was also proof that C was capable of finding some kind of romance.\n“I know I’m definitely not a\nreal\nBBFA,” C admits to us during our interview. \nBased on her experiences, she knew the term BBFA was a slight exaggeration of who she actually is. She was plump but not in the way anyone might imagine a quintessential BBFA.\nC having sushi as she tells us about her experiences on the BBDA forum\nNot every ‘single’ person is a BBFA\nAs a single person, speaking to C was almost like looking through a cracked mirror, a reflection of my inability to find love fissured only by our differences in background and skin colour.\n“I think most of us can relate to either the BB or FA part. Otherwise, we’d at least be able to empathise with it, even if we don’t completely fit the bill,” says C. \nI’m reminded of movies like\nThe DUFF\n(Designated Ugly Fat Friend) or books like Diary of a Wimpy Kid. In fact, many teen dramas and young adult fiction centre their stories on a plain Jane or average Joe. The main character that pervades representations of youth in pop culture is one whose unattractive appearance, according to societal standards, becomes their fundamental flaw.\nAnd in spite of these tropes falling short on the screen by ironically casting naturally stunning talents airbrushed by Hollywood’s top-notched make-up artists and post-production crew, they still appeal to the masses with a timeless tale.\nIn Singapore, most of us can’t use the “pretty privilege” card because\nSingaporean Standards of Beauty\nhave been warped by both our colonial hangover and influences from East Asian countries. \nMinorities, such as myself, definitely feel the brunt of being ‘unconventionally beautiful’ but speaking to C helped me realise that being from the majority race does not guarantee a spot on the ‘pretty’ table either. \nC’s relationship with the community highlights the allure of identifying with BBFAs, how it provides a home for those who not only struggle to find a partner but are also astutely aware that their appearances hinder it. \nYet C’s confession marks a conscious dissonance from the community—given its predominant demographic. Amongst all the BBFAs we spoke to, there is a consensus that the community is made up largely of Chinese men, probably in their twenties or thirties. \nBy that definition, ladies like both C and myself would immediately be excluded.\nOng, one of the many faceless Chinese male BBFAs\nThe lesser evil\nThe BBFA community can be paralleled with incels—another sub-groups of ‘forever aloners’ who probably have the poorest reputation because, as a\nreformed incel has put it\n, “Rage has completely taken over.”\n“EDMW is quite a dangerous place to be in, especially as a girl. Many guys were very skeptical of me, they didn’t even believe I was a girl when I referred to myself as BBFA. But I didn’t want to call myself a RCP because it feels too\nhao lian\n.”\nAccording to C, the standard of beauty in EDMW is\nPaige Chua\nand any woman who doesn’t meet that is considered ugly.\nHowever, even though both BBFAs and incels paint women similarly in a stereotypical manner, the EDMW counterpart is still a far cry from the\nPlymouth gunman\nborn out of incel culture.\nWhat sets them apart is perhaps how BBFAs are self-aware about being on “Singapore’s most toxic forum”. Users are ready to defend anyone who feels hurt by any prejudiced comments with how the forum is after all “a cesspool”.\nA reply to a thread about r\/Singapore on EDMW\nIts status quo reveals the prevalent\nmisogyny\nthroughout the platform, a trait not limited to merely the BBFAs online. And as problematic as it may be, EDMW’s blatant and rampant toxicity could also be a plain reminder of its borderline satirical nature.\n“Don’t take anything here too seriously. Many of those posing as BBFAs actually have proper jobs, with at least a university degree. They’re your hidden dragons,” said Ong. \nOng* considers himself to be a “real BBFA”, ticking off the checklist for all its criteria as a 26-year-old unemployed Chinese guy. \nHe divulges how most of the BBFAs are trolls who joined the forum mainly for entertainment purposes. It’s akin to an after-school curricular activity or post-work de-stressor for them—a chill online space to “hang out” (as its tagline goes) and laugh at the crazy jokes made.\nBut when we asked if he’d ever meet up with anyone from the forum, Ong replied with an adamant, “Hell, no.”\n“You don’t know who’s good or bad here and the people can be quite toxic. For example, if you reveal your face and they don’t like it, they’ll just whack you.”\nOng’s referring not only to the string of loaded insults that may come your way but also how EDMW has had a reputation for\ndoxxing people\nand stalking them in a way that may even put my investigative journalism skills to shame. \nHe was, however, unlike the pernicious men he describes on the forum. Contrary to the uproarious voices on the platform, Ong’s presence was much subtler. \nJoining our Zoom call with his camera switched off and slight hesitation in his voice, he showed us the other, and possibly truer side of being a BBFA.\nNo love or no confidence?\n“I think some people who identify as BBFA on HardwareZone are actually just being pessimistic or lack confidence in themselves,” reveals Ong.\nAs someone who was born with a disability, he genuinely feels like love is merely a distant dream.\n“Who doesn’t want to find love? Of course, I would. But who would want to date a disabled person?” \nWalking with a limp and having a visual impairment, Ong knows that it would never cross most Singaporean girls to ever consider him as a partner. He accepts that as much as people are becoming open-minded, we still live in a conservative society and his chances of finding love are slim.\n“I know the end result won’t be good, so I don’t really try dating or anything either. Being a BBFA still feels like a bit of a disgrace to me, even though now it’s more of a label than an insult on EDMW,” mutters Ong.\nJuxtaposed to most of the\ntrolls\n, Ong’s story gives the malicious jeer of the insult a hollow ring. It explains why it was so hard to meet a real BBFA. He embodies the reticence of people who actually categorically fit into the BBFA label. Men who would be reluctant to admit their conformity to the label for fear also, in turn, admitting that they are undesirable according to societal standards.\nReclaiming our stigmatised selves\nSo we could dismiss BBFA as a mockery of what is a genuine struggle about\nbody image\nin the dating sphere. After all, the insults seem to trivialise what many Singaporeans may struggle with in some shape or form, in an age where your first Bumble photo determines whether your phone will be buzzing with notifications.\nBut there’s also a blunt liberation that comes with the label. \nTo C, “BBFA is a term you can use to insult yourself first before others can do so. There is no shame in being a little meatier anyways.”\nHer remarks instantly reminded me of Rebel Wilson’s iconic ‘Fat Amy’ character from the Pitch Perfect franchise. Wilson’s character\nnonchalantly retorts\nhow she uses the moniker before her slimmer counterparts can weaponise it against her.\nThis candour speaks to the unabashed pride that seems contrary to plights like\nbody dysmorphia\n. It’s inspiring in the way celebrities like\nLizzo shift the narrative of body positivity towards being body-normative\n. Or uplifting in how owning your image allows you to normalise how it is perceived by the public. \nBut like most internal battles, fighters exist on various points of the spectrum.\nThe discrimination and teasing Ong faced in school and finding a job, for example, highlights a different narrative. A narrative that turns the outward demonstration of championing our flaws and insecurities towards the gruesome reality of our hearts—how many of us would be willing to set aside our biases about other people’s prominent physical flaws in pursuit of love?\nThe ideal answer would be\nall\nof us. And perhaps there is an honest endeavour and intention for most of us to do so. But in reality, most of us may struggle to forgo these biases because they are reminders of the parts of ourselves that we still struggle to fully accept.\nA pithy party\nSo maybe BBFA is just another label we can leave amidst the snide remarks and trolls of HardwareZone. An abbreviation to wield as self-deprecating humour on a forum that is as brutal as it is funny. Or it could carry a weight that extends beyond its digital footprint.\nEDMW is renowned in Singapore for being blunt. “As much as it’s toxic, it’s the kind of real-life conversation you can never have outside. People say what they’re really thinking here,” says C.\nAmusingly, EDMW shares that characteristic of being unfiltered with us here at Rice. They too broach topics and perspectives about Singaporean life that are far too difficult and sensitive to share elsewhere, especially not in person. \nAnd the BBFA community there might just as well be a prime example of the issues we need to discuss and digest as a society, but instead stomach in favour of good table manners.\nBeneath the crude language and insults of the forum lies a harrowing recognition of pretty privilege in the local dating scene. And with it, the types of people we fail to acknowledge as we demonise the forum as a place for trolls. \nIf you haven’t already, follow RICE on \nInstagram\n, \nSpotify\n, \nFacebook\n, and \nTelegram\n. If you have a lead for a story, feedback on our work, or just want to say hi, you can also email us at \ncommunity@ricemedia.co\n.","attrs_markdown":"![](https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/tr?id=1051953171542290&ev=PageView&noscript=1)\n\n[![RICE logo](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/themes\/rice-v3\/src\/images\/logo-main.svg)](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/ \"Homepage\")\n\n[![RICE logo](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/themes\/rice-v3\/src\/images\/logo-alt.svg)](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/)\n\n- [Topics](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/pretty-privilege-bbfa\/)\n  - [Current Affairs](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/category\/current-affairs\/)\n  - [Jobs & Economy](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/jobs-economy\/)\n  - [Government & Politics](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/government-politics\/)\n  - [Race & Religion](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/race-religion\/)\n  - [Sex & Gender](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/sex-gender\/)\n  - [Mental Health](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/mental-health\/)\n  - [Subculture](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/subculture\/)\n  - [Food & Drink](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/food-drink\/)\n- [Southeast Asia](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/sea\/)\n- [Series](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/series\/)\n- [Videos](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/video\/)\n- [Storytellers](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/pretty-privilege-bbfa\/)\n  - [Singapore Management University](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/sponsors\/storytellers-smu\/)\n  - [Singapore Muslim Women’s Association](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/sponsors\/storytellers-ppis\/)\n  - [Quantedge Foundation](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/sponsors\/storytellers-quantedge-foundation\/)\n- [Studios by RICE](https:\/\/ricestudios.co\/)\n- [Newsletter](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/newsletters\/)\n- [About 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[Singapore Management University(24)](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/sponsors\/storytellers-smu\/ \"View all articles in Singapore Management University\")\n- [Singapore Muslim Women's Association(6)](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/sponsors\/storytellers-ppis\/ \"View all articles in Singapore Muslim Women's Association\")\n- [Quantedge Foundation(4)](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/sponsors\/storytellers-quantedge-foundation\/ \"View all articles in Quantedge Foundation\")\n\n![](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/themes\/rice-v3\/src\/images\/icon-cross.svg)Close\n## ADVERTISEMENT\n- [Lifestyle](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/lifestyle\/)\n- [Subculture](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/subculture\/)\n# The Perils of Pretty Privilege: BBFAs On HardwareZone Speak Out\n![Standard story](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/themes\/rice-v3\/src\/images\/icon-format-standard.svg) by [Laili Abdeen](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/author\/laili-abdeen\/) December 8, 2021\n\nShare to\n\n- ![Share on Facebook](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/themes\/rice-v3\/src\/images\/icon-facebook.svg)\n- ![Share on Twitter](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/themes\/rice-v3\/src\/images\/icon-twitter.svg)\n\n![The Perils of Pretty Privilege: BBFAs On HardwareZone Speak Out](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/RICE_Singapore_BBFA-3-scaled.jpg)\n\n##### All images: Zachary Tang & Isaiah Chua for Rice Media unless otherwise stated.\nTo understand BBFA, one must first be privy to its origins and complexities. Hidden in the depths of HardwareZone’s tech reviews about the fluctuating changes in MacBook features lies its forums. And the tallest tree in the forest is none other than the [Eat Drink Man Woman (EDMW) forum](https:\/\/forums.hardwarezone.com.sg\/forums\/eat-drink-man-woman.16\/).\n\nAs blase as its name sounds, the forum stays true to its description, with almost “any happening topic” pertaining to Singapore being discussed heatedly in various threads. If you are familiar with the online forum scene, EDMW is [r\/Singapore](https:\/\/www.reddit.com\/r\/singapore\/)’s crude cousin: misogynistic, xenophobic, and unafraid to be politically *incorrect*. Etiquette, pleasantries, and “good English” are also unnecessary here.\n\n## ADVERTISEMENT\nHowever, what is especially distinctive about EDMW is its [idiosyncratic lingo](https:\/\/mothership.sg\/2014\/06\/hardwarezone-101-a-basic-guide-to-the-lingo-and-acronyms\/) which may catch you off guard if you are new to the platform. Behind the allusions to delectable junk food like ‘Real Cheesepies’ (RCP) or ‘Curry Sauce’ is a niche code for ‘real girls’ and finding ‘sources’ befitting its CSI army of users.\n\nAmidst these acronyms is none other than the term ‘[BBFA](https:\/\/forums.hardwarezone.com.sg\/threads\/pls-dont-call-us-bbfa-anymore-its-insensitive-and-can-get-u-3-points.6562754\/page-2)’, littered across EDMW’s green digital pages. Bui Bui Forever Alone (BBFA) is especially intriguing as a term as the Hokkien word for “fat” paints a very specific and seemingly depressing image of singlehood. Nonetheless, the phrase is tossed about the forum like ping pong balls, formerly hurled as an insult but now bouncing back as a badge of honour.\n\n## The Babe of BBFA\nFinding a BBFA for this piece felt very much like travelling to Vivocity to catch a rare Pokemon and furiously swiping on our phones at the hint of any leads, only for the Pokeballs to languidly roll away.\n\nWhen Eudea and I were scouring through EDMW, the only self-identified BBFA we found didn’t fully fit the label.\n\nWe first spoke to 26-year-old C\\* (IAmNobodyxxx on EDMW) who made a [YouTube channel](https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCsC-WK1BS7dBaSp1MqAqgdw) based on her experiences on the forum.\n\nhttps:\/\/youtu.be\/rTtjiJCRPHU\n\nC’s welcome video to users on EDMW who doubt that she is a female BBFA\n\nIn her welcome video, C chirpily announces her status as a BBFA. She hugs a pastel pink elephant soft toy in front of her, a distraction from “the fats sticking out” as she sits down. As we watched her videos, both Eudea and I had the same thought: “she’s not bui bui”.\n\nSo when we finally interviewed C, we were skeptical if she would be “forever alone” either.\n\nIt turns out, a breakup was the very thing that led her down the path to joining the BBFA community.\n\n“My first and only relationship was in poly and, I don’t want to blame my childhood but it plays a part. I grew up without a proper father figure and I saw how strong and independent my mom was.”\n\nThroughout her first relationship, C was convinced that she had to be straightforward and that things needed to be black and white between her and her ex-partner. But when the relationship fell apart after five years, she finally realised things were never that simple.\n\nC went on to repeat a Chinese proverb to us: “The smartest woman isn’t a strong woman, but a woman who knows when to act vulnerable.”\n\nHer failed relationship was fraught with pain, but it was also proof that C was capable of finding some kind of romance.\n\n“I know I’m definitely not a *real* BBFA,” C admits to us during our interview.\n\nBased on her experiences, she knew the term BBFA was a slight exaggeration of who she actually is. She was plump but not in the way anyone might imagine a quintessential BBFA.\n\n![](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Rice_Singapore_Hardware_Zone_BBFA_screengrabs-5-1024x640.jpg)\n\nC having sushi as she tells us about her experiences on the BBDA forum\n## **Not every ‘single’ person is a BBFA**\nAs a single person, speaking to C was almost like looking through a cracked mirror, a reflection of my inability to find love fissured only by our differences in background and skin colour.\n\n“I think most of us can relate to either the BB or FA part. Otherwise, we’d at least be able to empathise with it, even if we don’t completely fit the bill,” says C.\n\nI’m reminded of movies like [The DUFF](https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=eraXtuAnv64) (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) or books like Diary of a Wimpy Kid. In fact, many teen dramas and young adult fiction centre their stories on a plain Jane or average Joe. The main character that pervades representations of youth in pop culture is one whose unattractive appearance, according to societal standards, becomes their fundamental flaw.\n\nAnd in spite of these tropes falling short on the screen by ironically casting naturally stunning talents airbrushed by Hollywood’s top-notched make-up artists and post-production crew, they still appeal to the masses with a timeless tale.\n\nIn Singapore, most of us can’t use the “pretty privilege” card because [Singaporean Standards of Beauty](https:\/\/mothership.sg\/2014\/09\/the-singaporean-standard-of-beauty-why-i-hate-it\/) have been warped by both our colonial hangover and influences from East Asian countries.\n\nMinorities, such as myself, definitely feel the brunt of being ‘unconventionally beautiful’ but speaking to C helped me realise that being from the majority race does not guarantee a spot on the ‘pretty’ table either.\n\nC’s relationship with the community highlights the allure of identifying with BBFAs, how it provides a home for those who not only struggle to find a partner but are also astutely aware that their appearances hinder it.\n\nYet C’s confession marks a conscious dissonance from the community—given its predominant demographic. Amongst all the BBFAs we spoke to, there is a consensus that the community is made up largely of Chinese men, probably in their twenties or thirties.\n\nBy that definition, ladies like both C and myself would immediately be excluded.\n\n![](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/RICE_Singapore_BBFA-5-1024x683.jpg)\n\nOng, one of the many faceless Chinese male BBFAs\n## The lesser evil\nThe BBFA community can be paralleled with incels—another sub-groups of ‘forever aloners’ who probably have the poorest reputation because, as a [reformed incel has put it](https:\/\/www.vox.com\/the-highlight\/2019\/4\/16\/18287446\/incel-definition-reddit), “Rage has completely taken over.”\n\n“EDMW is quite a dangerous place to be in, especially as a girl. Many guys were very skeptical of me, they didn’t even believe I was a girl when I referred to myself as BBFA. But I didn’t want to call myself a RCP because it feels too *hao lian*.”\n\nAccording to C, the standard of beauty in EDMW is [Paige Chua](https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/paigechua_tpc\/?hl=en) and any woman who doesn’t meet that is considered ugly.\n\nHowever, even though both BBFAs and incels paint women similarly in a stereotypical manner, the EDMW counterpart is still a far cry from the [Plymouth gunman](https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/uk-news\/2021\/aug\/13\/plymouth-shooting-suspect-what-we-know-jake-davison) born out of incel culture.\n\nWhat sets them apart is perhaps how BBFAs are self-aware about being on “Singapore’s most toxic forum”. Users are ready to defend anyone who feels hurt by any prejudiced comments with how the forum is after all “a cesspool”.\n\n![](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Screenshot-2021-12-07-at-1.17.13-PM-1024x884.png)\n\nA reply to a thread about r\/Singapore on EDMW\n\nIts status quo reveals the prevalent [misogyny](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/current-affairs-commentary-rape-culture-schools-toxic-masculinity\/) throughout the platform, a trait not limited to merely the BBFAs online. And as problematic as it may be, EDMW’s blatant and rampant toxicity could also be a plain reminder of its borderline satirical nature.\n\n## **Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon**\n“Don’t take anything here too seriously. Many of those posing as BBFAs actually have proper jobs, with at least a university degree. They’re your hidden dragons,” said Ong.\n\nOng\\* considers himself to be a “real BBFA”, ticking off the checklist for all its criteria as a 26-year-old unemployed Chinese guy.\n\n![](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Rice_Singapore_Hardware_Zone_BBFA_screengrabs-2-1024x640.jpg)\n\nHe divulges how most of the BBFAs are trolls who joined the forum mainly for entertainment purposes. It’s akin to an after-school curricular activity or post-work de-stressor for them—a chill online space to “hang out” (as its tagline goes) and laugh at the crazy jokes made.\n\nBut when we asked if he’d ever meet up with anyone from the forum, Ong replied with an adamant, “Hell, no.”\n\n“You don’t know who’s good or bad here and the people can be quite toxic. For example, if you reveal your face and they don’t like it, they’ll just whack you.”\n\nOng’s referring not only to the string of loaded insults that may come your way but also how EDMW has had a reputation for [doxxing people](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/culture-life-internet-brought-together-doxxing-set-apart-media-literacy-council\/) and stalking them in a way that may even put my investigative journalism skills to shame.\n\nHe was, however, unlike the pernicious men he describes on the forum. Contrary to the uproarious voices on the platform, Ong’s presence was much subtler.\n\nJoining our Zoom call with his camera switched off and slight hesitation in his voice, he showed us the other, and possibly truer side of being a BBFA.\n\n![](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Rice_Singapore_Hardware_Zone_BBFA_screengrabs-1-1024x640.jpg)\n\n## **No love or no confidence?**\n“I think some people who identify as BBFA on HardwareZone are actually just being pessimistic or lack confidence in themselves,” reveals Ong.\n\nAs someone who was born with a disability, he genuinely feels like love is merely a distant dream.\n\n“Who doesn’t want to find love? Of course, I would. But who would want to date a disabled person?”\n\nWalking with a limp and having a visual impairment, Ong knows that it would never cross most Singaporean girls to ever consider him as a partner. He accepts that as much as people are becoming open-minded, we still live in a conservative society and his chances of finding love are slim.\n\n“I know the end result won’t be good, so I don’t really try dating or anything either. Being a BBFA still feels like a bit of a disgrace to me, even though now it’s more of a label than an insult on EDMW,” mutters Ong.\n\nJuxtaposed to most of the [trolls](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/current-affairs-opinion-clubhouse-singapore\/), Ong’s story gives the malicious jeer of the insult a hollow ring. It explains why it was so hard to meet a real BBFA. He embodies the reticence of people who actually categorically fit into the BBFA label. Men who would be reluctant to admit their conformity to the label for fear also, in turn, admitting that they are undesirable according to societal standards.\n\n![](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Rice_Singapore_Hardware_Zone_BBFA_screengrabs-3-1024x640.jpg)\n\n## **Reclaiming our stigmatised selves**\nSo we could dismiss BBFA as a mockery of what is a genuine struggle about [body image](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/to-love-another-body-better\/) in the dating sphere. After all, the insults seem to trivialise what many Singaporeans may struggle with in some shape or form, in an age where your first Bumble photo determines whether your phone will be buzzing with notifications.\n\nBut there’s also a blunt liberation that comes with the label.\n\nTo C, “BBFA is a term you can use to insult yourself first before others can do so. There is no shame in being a little meatier anyways.”\n\nHer remarks instantly reminded me of Rebel Wilson’s iconic ‘Fat Amy’ character from the Pitch Perfect franchise. Wilson’s character [nonchalantly retorts](https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=DkKX1Loa7zU) how she uses the moniker before her slimmer counterparts can weaponise it against her.\n\nThis candour speaks to the unabashed pride that seems contrary to plights like [body dysmorphia](https:\/\/www.nhs.uk\/mental-health\/conditions\/body-dysmorphia\/). It’s inspiring in the way celebrities like [Lizzo shift the narrative of body positivity towards being body-normative](https:\/\/www.billboard.com\/music\/pop\/lizzo-body-positivity-comments-vogue-cover-story-9454895\/). Or uplifting in how owning your image allows you to normalise how it is perceived by the public.\n\nBut like most internal battles, fighters exist on various points of the spectrum.\n\nThe discrimination and teasing Ong faced in school and finding a job, for example, highlights a different narrative. A narrative that turns the outward demonstration of championing our flaws and insecurities towards the gruesome reality of our hearts—how many of us would be willing to set aside our biases about other people’s prominent physical flaws in pursuit of love?\n\nThe ideal answer would be *all* of us. And perhaps there is an honest endeavour and intention for most of us to do so. But in reality, most of us may struggle to forgo these biases because they are reminders of the parts of ourselves that we still struggle to fully accept.\n\n## **A pithy party**\nSo maybe BBFA is just another label we can leave amidst the snide remarks and trolls of HardwareZone. An abbreviation to wield as self-deprecating humour on a forum that is as brutal as it is funny. Or it could carry a weight that extends beyond its digital footprint.\n\nEDMW is renowned in Singapore for being blunt. “As much as it’s toxic, it’s the kind of real-life conversation you can never have outside. People say what they’re really thinking here,” says C.\n\nAmusingly, EDMW shares that characteristic of being unfiltered with us here at Rice. They too broach topics and perspectives about Singaporean life that are far too difficult and sensitive to share elsewhere, especially not in person.\n\nAnd the BBFA community there might just as well be a prime example of the issues we need to discuss and digest as a society, but instead stomach in favour of good table manners.\n\nBeneath the crude language and insults of the forum lies a harrowing recognition of pretty privilege in the local dating scene. And with it, the types of people we fail to acknowledge as we demonise the forum as a place for trolls.\n\n##### If you haven’t already, follow RICE on [Instagram](https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/ricemedia.co\/), [Spotify](https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/53WMzQNj93Lz9arAECU4U6?si=hAIZJFaIRU6oj-0r9y0peQ), [Facebook](http:\/\/facebook.com\/RiceMedia.co), and [Telegram](https:\/\/t.me\/RiceMedia). If you have a lead for a story, feedback on our work, or just want to say hi, you can also email us at [community@ricemedia.co](mailto:community@ricemedia.co).\n\nMore In  [Lifestyle,](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/lifestyle\/)   [Subculture](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/subculture\/)\n\nShare to\n\n- ![Share on Facebook](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/themes\/rice-v3\/src\/images\/icon-facebook.svg)\n- ![Share on Twitter](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/themes\/rice-v3\/src\/images\/icon-twitter.svg)\n\n[![Laili Abdeen](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/MG_8236_Original-150x150.jpg) I write scenes, not generalities. I’ll paint you a picture in an article or a poem as long as we dive into the details. Minor detail about me? I’m your go-to hijabi writer who spends her days dissecting Taylor Swift lyrics.](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/author\/laili-abdeen\/)\n\nRelated Articles\n\n[![The Confusing Anatomy of a Singaporean Ex-Incel]()](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/singaporean-incel-lonely-girlfriend-relationship\/)\n\n- [Sex & Gender](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/sex-gender\/)\n- [Subculture](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/subculture\/)\n\n[Alt Ctrl Health](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/series\/alt-ctrl-health\/)\n\n## [The Confusing Anatomy of a Singaporean Ex-Incel](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/singaporean-incel-lonely-girlfriend-relationship\/)\n[Phoenix is a typical Singaporean young man. Except for the fact that he once identified as an incel—someone with radical, negative beliefs about women. He believes it's firmly in his past. We’re not quite sure that’s true.](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/singaporean-incel-lonely-girlfriend-relationship\/)\n\n![Standard story](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/themes\/rice-v3\/src\/images\/icon-format-standard.svg) by [Hykel Quek](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/author\/hykel-quek\/)\n\nSeptember 8, 2022\n\n[![On Being Fat & Lonely: The BBFAs of HardwareZone]()](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/fat-lonely-bbfas-of-hardwarezone\/)\n\n- [Lifestyle](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/lifestyle\/)\n- [Mental Health](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/mental-health\/)\n- [Subculture](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/subculture\/)\n\n[Amongst Us](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/series\/amongst-us\/)\n\n## [On Being Fat & Lonely: The BBFAs of HardwareZone](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/fat-lonely-bbfas-of-hardwarezone\/)\n[For HardwareZone user @LocalITGuy who identifies as a BBFA (Bui Bui Forever Alone), being confident about his physical appearance has been a daily struggle. But is there more to the BBFA community than meets the eye?](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/fat-lonely-bbfas-of-hardwarezone\/)\n\n![Video story](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/themes\/rice-v3\/src\/images\/icon-format-video.svg) by [RICE](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/author\/rice\/)\n\nJanuary 19, 2022\n\n[![An Attempt To Understand Why Some Singaporeans Don’t Believe In Feminism, Through Internet Comments]()](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/current-affairs-commentary-singaporeans-feminism-internet-comments-international-womens-day\/)\n\n- [Sex & Gender](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/topic\/sex-gender\/)\n## [An Attempt To Understand Why Some Singaporeans Don’t Believe In Feminism, Through Internet Comments](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/current-affairs-commentary-singaporeans-feminism-internet-comments-international-womens-day\/)\n[Yes, we tackle the whole 'NS' thing as well.](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/current-affairs-commentary-singaporeans-feminism-internet-comments-international-womens-day\/)\n\n![Standard story](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/themes\/rice-v3\/src\/images\/icon-format-standard.svg) by [Sophie Chew](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/author\/sophie-chew\/)\n\nMarch 8, 2019\n\n[![From Reddit to EDMW: Singaporeans React to the NDP 2018 Theme Song]()](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/current-affairs-commentary-reddit-edmw-singaporeans-react-ndp-2018-theme-song\/)\n\n## [From Reddit to EDMW: Singaporeans React to the NDP 2018 Theme Song](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/current-affairs-commentary-reddit-edmw-singaporeans-react-ndp-2018-theme-song\/)\n[Are we Singapore, Singaporeans?](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/current-affairs-commentary-reddit-edmw-singaporeans-react-ndp-2018-theme-song\/)\n\n![Standard story](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/themes\/rice-v3\/src\/images\/icon-format-standard.svg) by [Rachel Lau](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/author\/rachel-lau\/)\n\nMay 23, 2018\n\n![Loading next article...](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/themes\/rice-v3\/src\/images\/graphic-loading.gif)\n\n![Close lightbox](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/themes\/rice-v3\/src\/images\/icon-cross.svg)\n\n![Previous image](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/themes\/rice-v3\/src\/images\/icon-arrow.svg)\n\n![Next image](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/themes\/rice-v3\/src\/images\/icon-arrow.svg)\n\nhttps:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/Home-Display-Banner-Desktop-2048x1366-2.png\n\n## ADVERTISEMENT\nRICE feeds your mind with Singaporean stories of human interest that make you think, engage and empathise.\n\n© 2026 Rice Media. All rights reserved.\n\n- [Rice Thailand](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/thailand\/)\n- [About](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/about\/)\n- [Privacy](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/privacy\/)","attrs_readable_markdown":"##### All images: Zachary Tang & Isaiah Chua for Rice Media unless otherwise stated.\nTo understand BBFA, one must first be privy to its origins and complexities. Hidden in the depths of HardwareZone’s tech reviews about the fluctuating changes in MacBook features lies its forums. And the tallest tree in the forest is none other than the [Eat Drink Man Woman (EDMW) forum](https:\/\/forums.hardwarezone.com.sg\/forums\/eat-drink-man-woman.16\/).\n\nAs blase as its name sounds, the forum stays true to its description, with almost “any happening topic” pertaining to Singapore being discussed heatedly in various threads. If you are familiar with the online forum scene, EDMW is [r\/Singapore](https:\/\/www.reddit.com\/r\/singapore\/)’s crude cousin: misogynistic, xenophobic, and unafraid to be politically *incorrect*. Etiquette, pleasantries, and “good English” are also unnecessary here.\n\n## ADVERTISEMENT\nHowever, what is especially distinctive about EDMW is its [idiosyncratic lingo](https:\/\/mothership.sg\/2014\/06\/hardwarezone-101-a-basic-guide-to-the-lingo-and-acronyms\/) which may catch you off guard if you are new to the platform. Behind the allusions to delectable junk food like ‘Real Cheesepies’ (RCP) or ‘Curry Sauce’ is a niche code for ‘real girls’ and finding ‘sources’ befitting its CSI army of users.\n\nAmidst these acronyms is none other than the term ‘[BBFA](https:\/\/forums.hardwarezone.com.sg\/threads\/pls-dont-call-us-bbfa-anymore-its-insensitive-and-can-get-u-3-points.6562754\/page-2)’, littered across EDMW’s green digital pages. Bui Bui Forever Alone (BBFA) is especially intriguing as a term as the Hokkien word for “fat” paints a very specific and seemingly depressing image of singlehood. Nonetheless, the phrase is tossed about the forum like ping pong balls, formerly hurled as an insult but now bouncing back as a badge of honour.\n\n## The Babe of BBFA\nFinding a BBFA for this piece felt very much like travelling to Vivocity to catch a rare Pokemon and furiously swiping on our phones at the hint of any leads, only for the Pokeballs to languidly roll away.\n\nWhen Eudea and I were scouring through EDMW, the only self-identified BBFA we found didn’t fully fit the label.\n\nWe first spoke to 26-year-old C\\* (IAmNobodyxxx on EDMW) who made a [YouTube channel](https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCsC-WK1BS7dBaSp1MqAqgdw) based on her experiences on the forum.\n\nhttps:\/\/youtu.be\/rTtjiJCRPHU\n\nC’s welcome video to users on EDMW who doubt that she is a female BBFA\n\nIn her welcome video, C chirpily announces her status as a BBFA. She hugs a pastel pink elephant soft toy in front of her, a distraction from “the fats sticking out” as she sits down. As we watched her videos, both Eudea and I had the same thought: “she’s not bui bui”.\n\nSo when we finally interviewed C, we were skeptical if she would be “forever alone” either.\n\nIt turns out, a breakup was the very thing that led her down the path to joining the BBFA community.\n\n“My first and only relationship was in poly and, I don’t want to blame my childhood but it plays a part. I grew up without a proper father figure and I saw how strong and independent my mom was.”\n\nThroughout her first relationship, C was convinced that she had to be straightforward and that things needed to be black and white between her and her ex-partner. But when the relationship fell apart after five years, she finally realised things were never that simple.\n\nC went on to repeat a Chinese proverb to us: “The smartest woman isn’t a strong woman, but a woman who knows when to act vulnerable.”\n\nHer failed relationship was fraught with pain, but it was also proof that C was capable of finding some kind of romance.\n\n“I know I’m definitely not a *real* BBFA,” C admits to us during our interview.\n\nBased on her experiences, she knew the term BBFA was a slight exaggeration of who she actually is. She was plump but not in the way anyone might imagine a quintessential BBFA.\n\n![](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Rice_Singapore_Hardware_Zone_BBFA_screengrabs-5-1024x640.jpg)\n\nC having sushi as she tells us about her experiences on the BBDA forum\n## **Not every ‘single’ person is a BBFA**\nAs a single person, speaking to C was almost like looking through a cracked mirror, a reflection of my inability to find love fissured only by our differences in background and skin colour.\n\n“I think most of us can relate to either the BB or FA part. Otherwise, we’d at least be able to empathise with it, even if we don’t completely fit the bill,” says C.\n\nI’m reminded of movies like [The DUFF](https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=eraXtuAnv64) (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) or books like Diary of a Wimpy Kid. In fact, many teen dramas and young adult fiction centre their stories on a plain Jane or average Joe. The main character that pervades representations of youth in pop culture is one whose unattractive appearance, according to societal standards, becomes their fundamental flaw.\n\nAnd in spite of these tropes falling short on the screen by ironically casting naturally stunning talents airbrushed by Hollywood’s top-notched make-up artists and post-production crew, they still appeal to the masses with a timeless tale.\n\nIn Singapore, most of us can’t use the “pretty privilege” card because [Singaporean Standards of Beauty](https:\/\/mothership.sg\/2014\/09\/the-singaporean-standard-of-beauty-why-i-hate-it\/) have been warped by both our colonial hangover and influences from East Asian countries.\n\nMinorities, such as myself, definitely feel the brunt of being ‘unconventionally beautiful’ but speaking to C helped me realise that being from the majority race does not guarantee a spot on the ‘pretty’ table either.\n\nC’s relationship with the community highlights the allure of identifying with BBFAs, how it provides a home for those who not only struggle to find a partner but are also astutely aware that their appearances hinder it.\n\nYet C’s confession marks a conscious dissonance from the community—given its predominant demographic. Amongst all the BBFAs we spoke to, there is a consensus that the community is made up largely of Chinese men, probably in their twenties or thirties.\n\nBy that definition, ladies like both C and myself would immediately be excluded.\n\n![](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/RICE_Singapore_BBFA-5-1024x683.jpg)\n\nOng, one of the many faceless Chinese male BBFAs\n## The lesser evil\nThe BBFA community can be paralleled with incels—another sub-groups of ‘forever aloners’ who probably have the poorest reputation because, as a [reformed incel has put it](https:\/\/www.vox.com\/the-highlight\/2019\/4\/16\/18287446\/incel-definition-reddit), “Rage has completely taken over.”\n\n“EDMW is quite a dangerous place to be in, especially as a girl. Many guys were very skeptical of me, they didn’t even believe I was a girl when I referred to myself as BBFA. But I didn’t want to call myself a RCP because it feels too *hao lian*.”\n\nAccording to C, the standard of beauty in EDMW is [Paige Chua](https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/paigechua_tpc\/?hl=en) and any woman who doesn’t meet that is considered ugly.\n\nHowever, even though both BBFAs and incels paint women similarly in a stereotypical manner, the EDMW counterpart is still a far cry from the [Plymouth gunman](https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/uk-news\/2021\/aug\/13\/plymouth-shooting-suspect-what-we-know-jake-davison) born out of incel culture.\n\nWhat sets them apart is perhaps how BBFAs are self-aware about being on “Singapore’s most toxic forum”. Users are ready to defend anyone who feels hurt by any prejudiced comments with how the forum is after all “a cesspool”.\n\n![](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Screenshot-2021-12-07-at-1.17.13-PM-1024x884.png)\n\nA reply to a thread about r\/Singapore on EDMW\n\nIts status quo reveals the prevalent [misogyny](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/current-affairs-commentary-rape-culture-schools-toxic-masculinity\/) throughout the platform, a trait not limited to merely the BBFAs online. And as problematic as it may be, EDMW’s blatant and rampant toxicity could also be a plain reminder of its borderline satirical nature.\n\n“Don’t take anything here too seriously. Many of those posing as BBFAs actually have proper jobs, with at least a university degree. They’re your hidden dragons,” said Ong.\n\nOng\\* considers himself to be a “real BBFA”, ticking off the checklist for all its criteria as a 26-year-old unemployed Chinese guy.\n\n![](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Rice_Singapore_Hardware_Zone_BBFA_screengrabs-2-1024x640.jpg)\n\nHe divulges how most of the BBFAs are trolls who joined the forum mainly for entertainment purposes. It’s akin to an after-school curricular activity or post-work de-stressor for them—a chill online space to “hang out” (as its tagline goes) and laugh at the crazy jokes made.\n\nBut when we asked if he’d ever meet up with anyone from the forum, Ong replied with an adamant, “Hell, no.”\n\n“You don’t know who’s good or bad here and the people can be quite toxic. For example, if you reveal your face and they don’t like it, they’ll just whack you.”\n\nOng’s referring not only to the string of loaded insults that may come your way but also how EDMW has had a reputation for [doxxing people](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/culture-life-internet-brought-together-doxxing-set-apart-media-literacy-council\/) and stalking them in a way that may even put my investigative journalism skills to shame.\n\nHe was, however, unlike the pernicious men he describes on the forum. Contrary to the uproarious voices on the platform, Ong’s presence was much subtler.\n\nJoining our Zoom call with his camera switched off and slight hesitation in his voice, he showed us the other, and possibly truer side of being a BBFA.\n\n![](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Rice_Singapore_Hardware_Zone_BBFA_screengrabs-1-1024x640.jpg)\n\n## **No love or no confidence?**\n“I think some people who identify as BBFA on HardwareZone are actually just being pessimistic or lack confidence in themselves,” reveals Ong.\n\nAs someone who was born with a disability, he genuinely feels like love is merely a distant dream.\n\n“Who doesn’t want to find love? Of course, I would. But who would want to date a disabled person?”\n\nWalking with a limp and having a visual impairment, Ong knows that it would never cross most Singaporean girls to ever consider him as a partner. He accepts that as much as people are becoming open-minded, we still live in a conservative society and his chances of finding love are slim.\n\n“I know the end result won’t be good, so I don’t really try dating or anything either. Being a BBFA still feels like a bit of a disgrace to me, even though now it’s more of a label than an insult on EDMW,” mutters Ong.\n\nJuxtaposed to most of the [trolls](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/current-affairs-opinion-clubhouse-singapore\/), Ong’s story gives the malicious jeer of the insult a hollow ring. It explains why it was so hard to meet a real BBFA. He embodies the reticence of people who actually categorically fit into the BBFA label. Men who would be reluctant to admit their conformity to the label for fear also, in turn, admitting that they are undesirable according to societal standards.\n\n![](https:\/\/d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Rice_Singapore_Hardware_Zone_BBFA_screengrabs-3-1024x640.jpg)\n\n## **Reclaiming our stigmatised selves**\nSo we could dismiss BBFA as a mockery of what is a genuine struggle about [body image](https:\/\/www.ricemedia.co\/to-love-another-body-better\/) in the dating sphere. After all, the insults seem to trivialise what many Singaporeans may struggle with in some shape or form, in an age where your first Bumble photo determines whether your phone will be buzzing with notifications.\n\nBut there’s also a blunt liberation that comes with the label.\n\nTo C, “BBFA is a term you can use to insult yourself first before others can do so. There is no shame in being a little meatier anyways.”\n\nHer remarks instantly reminded me of Rebel Wilson’s iconic ‘Fat Amy’ character from the Pitch Perfect franchise. Wilson’s character [nonchalantly retorts](https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=DkKX1Loa7zU) how she uses the moniker before her slimmer counterparts can weaponise it against her.\n\nThis candour speaks to the unabashed pride that seems contrary to plights like [body dysmorphia](https:\/\/www.nhs.uk\/mental-health\/conditions\/body-dysmorphia\/). It’s inspiring in the way celebrities like [Lizzo shift the narrative of body positivity towards being body-normative](https:\/\/www.billboard.com\/music\/pop\/lizzo-body-positivity-comments-vogue-cover-story-9454895\/). Or uplifting in how owning your image allows you to normalise how it is perceived by the public.\n\nBut like most internal battles, fighters exist on various points of the spectrum.\n\nThe discrimination and teasing Ong faced in school and finding a job, for example, highlights a different narrative. A narrative that turns the outward demonstration of championing our flaws and insecurities towards the gruesome reality of our hearts—how many of us would be willing to set aside our biases about other people’s prominent physical flaws in pursuit of love?\n\nThe ideal answer would be *all* of us. And perhaps there is an honest endeavour and intention for most of us to do so. But in reality, most of us may struggle to forgo these biases because they are reminders of the parts of ourselves that we still struggle to fully accept.\n\n## **A pithy party**\nSo maybe BBFA is just another label we can leave amidst the snide remarks and trolls of HardwareZone. An abbreviation to wield as self-deprecating humour on a forum that is as brutal as it is funny. Or it could carry a weight that extends beyond its digital footprint.\n\nEDMW is renowned in Singapore for being blunt. “As much as it’s toxic, it’s the kind of real-life conversation you can never have outside. People say what they’re really thinking here,” says C.\n\nAmusingly, EDMW shares that characteristic of being unfiltered with us here at Rice. They too broach topics and perspectives about Singaporean life that are far too difficult and sensitive to share elsewhere, especially not in person.\n\nAnd the BBFA community there might just as well be a prime example of the issues we need to discuss and digest as a society, but instead stomach in favour of good table manners.\n\nBeneath the crude language and insults of the forum lies a harrowing recognition of pretty privilege in the local dating scene. And with it, the types of people we fail to acknowledge as we demonise the forum as a place for trolls.\n\n##### If you haven’t already, follow RICE on [Instagram](https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/ricemedia.co\/), [Spotify](https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/53WMzQNj93Lz9arAECU4U6?si=hAIZJFaIRU6oj-0r9y0peQ), [Facebook](http:\/\/facebook.com\/RiceMedia.co), and [Telegram](https:\/\/t.me\/RiceMedia). 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The Perils of Pretty Privilege: BBFAs On HardwareZone Speak Out

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Hidden in the depths of HardwareZone's tech reviews is a bustling forum for the loneliest singles in Singapore. We found the real life BBFAs.

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All images: Zachary Tang & Isaiah Chua for Rice Media unless otherwise stated. To understand BBFA, one must first be privy to its origins and complexities. Hidden in the depths of HardwareZone’s tech reviews about the fluctuating changes in MacBook features lies its forums. And the tallest tree in the forest is none other than the Eat Drink Man Woman (EDMW) forum . As blase as its name sounds, the forum stays true to its description, with almost “any happening topic” pertaining to Singapore being discussed heatedly in various threads. If you are familiar with the online forum scene, EDMW is r/Singapore ’s crude cousin: misogynistic, xenophobic, and unafraid to be politically incorrect . Etiquette, pleasantries, and “good English” are also unnecessary here. ADVERTISEMENT However, what is especially distinctive about EDMW is its idiosyncratic lingo which may catch you off guard if you are new to the platform. Behind the allusions to delectable junk food like ‘Real Cheesepies’ (RCP) or ‘Curry Sauce’ is a niche code for ‘real girls’ and finding ‘sources’ befitting its CSI army of users. Amidst these acronyms is none other than the term ‘ BBFA ’, littered across EDMW’s green digital pages. Bui Bui Forever Alone (BBFA) is especially intriguing as a term as the Hokkien word for “fat” paints a very specific and seemingly depressing image of singlehood. Nonetheless, the phrase is tossed about the forum like ping pong balls, formerly hurled as an insult but now bouncing back as a badge of honour. The Babe of BBFA Finding a BBFA for this piece felt very much like travelling to Vivocity to catch a rare Pokemon and furiously swiping on our phones at the hint of any leads, only for the Pokeballs to languidly roll away. When Eudea and I were scouring through EDMW, the only self-identified BBFA we found didn’t fully fit the label. We first spoke to 26-year-old C* (IAmNobodyxxx on EDMW) who made a YouTube channel based on her experiences on the forum. https://youtu.be/rTtjiJCRPHU C’s welcome video to users on EDMW who doubt that she is a female BBFA In her welcome video, C chirpily announces her status as a BBFA. She hugs a pastel pink elephant soft toy in front of her, a distraction from “the fats sticking out” as she sits down. As we watched her videos, both Eudea and I had the same thought: “she’s not bui bui”. So when we finally interviewed C, we were skeptical if she would be “forever alone” either. It turns out, a breakup was the very thing that led her down the path to joining the BBFA community. “My first and only relationship was in poly and, I don’t want to blame my childhood but it plays a part. I grew up without a proper father figure and I saw how strong and independent my mom was.” Throughout her first relationship, C was convinced that she had to be straightforward and that things needed to be black and white between her and her ex-partner. But when the relationship fell apart after five years, she finally realised things were never that simple. C went on to repeat a Chinese proverb to us: “The smartest woman isn’t a strong woman, but a woman who knows when to act vulnerable.” Her failed relationship was fraught with pain, but it was also proof that C was capable of finding some kind of romance. “I know I’m definitely not a real BBFA,” C admits to us during our interview. Based on her experiences, she knew the term BBFA was a slight exaggeration of who she actually is. She was plump but not in the way anyone might imagine a quintessential BBFA. C having sushi as she tells us about her experiences on the BBDA forum Not every ‘single’ person is a BBFA As a single person, speaking to C was almost like looking through a cracked mirror, a reflection of my inability to find love fissured only by our differences in background and skin colour. “I think most of us can relate to either the BB or FA part. Otherwise, we’d at least be able to empathise with it, even if we don’t completely fit the bill,” says C. I’m reminded of movies like The DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) or books like Diary of a Wimpy Kid. In fact, many teen dramas and young adult fiction centre their stories on a plain Jane or average Joe. The main character that pervades representations of youth in pop culture is one whose unattractive appearance, according to societal standards, becomes their fundamental flaw. And in spite of these tropes falling short on the screen by ironically casting naturally stunning talents airbrushed by Hollywood’s top-notched make-up artists and post-production crew, they still appeal to the masses with a timeless tale. In Singapore, most of us can’t use the “pretty privilege” card because Singaporean Standards of Beauty have been warped by both our colonial hangover and influences from East Asian countries. Minorities, such as myself, definitely feel the brunt of being ‘unconventionally beautiful’ but speaking to C helped me realise that being from the majority race does not guarantee a spot on the ‘pretty’ table either. C’s relationship with the community highlights the allure of identifying with BBFAs, how it provides a home for those who not only struggle to find a partner but are also astutely aware that their appearances hinder it. Yet C’s confession marks a conscious dissonance from the community—given its predominant demographic. Amongst all the BBFAs we spoke to, there is a consensus that the community is made up largely of Chinese men, probably in their twenties or thirties. By that definition, ladies like both C and myself would immediately be excluded. Ong, one of the many faceless Chinese male BBFAs The lesser evil The BBFA community can be paralleled with incels—another sub-groups of ‘forever aloners’ who probably have the poorest reputation because, as a reformed incel has put it , “Rage has completely taken over.” “EDMW is quite a dangerous place to be in, especially as a girl. Many guys were very skeptical of me, they didn’t even believe I was a girl when I referred to myself as BBFA. But I didn’t want to call myself a RCP because it feels too hao lian .” According to C, the standard of beauty in EDMW is Paige Chua and any woman who doesn’t meet that is considered ugly. However, even though both BBFAs and incels paint women similarly in a stereotypical manner, the EDMW counterpart is still a far cry from the Plymouth gunman born out of incel culture. What sets them apart is perhaps how BBFAs are self-aware about being on “Singapore’s most toxic forum”. Users are ready to defend anyone who feels hurt by any prejudiced comments with how the forum is after all “a cesspool”. A reply to a thread about r/Singapore on EDMW Its status quo reveals the prevalent misogyny throughout the platform, a trait not limited to merely the BBFAs online. And as problematic as it may be, EDMW’s blatant and rampant toxicity could also be a plain reminder of its borderline satirical nature. “Don’t take anything here too seriously. Many of those posing as BBFAs actually have proper jobs, with at least a university degree. They’re your hidden dragons,” said Ong. Ong* considers himself to be a “real BBFA”, ticking off the checklist for all its criteria as a 26-year-old unemployed Chinese guy. He divulges how most of the BBFAs are trolls who joined the forum mainly for entertainment purposes. It’s akin to an after-school curricular activity or post-work de-stressor for them—a chill online space to “hang out” (as its tagline goes) and laugh at the crazy jokes made. But when we asked if he’d ever meet up with anyone from the forum, Ong replied with an adamant, “Hell, no.” “You don’t know who’s good or bad here and the people can be quite toxic. For example, if you reveal your face and they don’t like it, they’ll just whack you.” Ong’s referring not only to the string of loaded insults that may come your way but also how EDMW has had a reputation for doxxing people and stalking them in a way that may even put my investigative journalism skills to shame. He was, however, unlike the pernicious men he describes on the forum. Contrary to the uproarious voices on the platform, Ong’s presence was much subtler. Joining our Zoom call with his camera switched off and slight hesitation in his voice, he showed us the other, and possibly truer side of being a BBFA. No love or no confidence? “I think some people who identify as BBFA on HardwareZone are actually just being pessimistic or lack confidence in themselves,” reveals Ong. As someone who was born with a disability, he genuinely feels like love is merely a distant dream. “Who doesn’t want to find love? Of course, I would. But who would want to date a disabled person?” Walking with a limp and having a visual impairment, Ong knows that it would never cross most Singaporean girls to ever consider him as a partner. He accepts that as much as people are becoming open-minded, we still live in a conservative society and his chances of finding love are slim. “I know the end result won’t be good, so I don’t really try dating or anything either. Being a BBFA still feels like a bit of a disgrace to me, even though now it’s more of a label than an insult on EDMW,” mutters Ong. Juxtaposed to most of the trolls , Ong’s story gives the malicious jeer of the insult a hollow ring. It explains why it was so hard to meet a real BBFA. He embodies the reticence of people who actually categorically fit into the BBFA label. Men who would be reluctant to admit their conformity to the label for fear also, in turn, admitting that they are undesirable according to societal standards. Reclaiming our stigmatised selves So we could dismiss BBFA as a mockery of what is a genuine struggle about body image in the dating sphere. After all, the insults seem to trivialise what many Singaporeans may struggle with in some shape or form, in an age where your first Bumble photo determines whether your phone will be buzzing with notifications. But there’s also a blunt liberation that comes with the label. To C, “BBFA is a term you can use to insult yourself first before others can do so. There is no shame in being a little meatier anyways.” Her remarks instantly reminded me of Rebel Wilson’s iconic ‘Fat Amy’ character from the Pitch Perfect franchise. Wilson’s character nonchalantly retorts how she uses the moniker before her slimmer counterparts can weaponise it against her. This candour speaks to the unabashed pride that seems contrary to plights like body dysmorphia . It’s inspiring in the way celebrities like Lizzo shift the narrative of body positivity towards being body-normative . Or uplifting in how owning your image allows you to normalise how it is perceived by the public. But like most internal battles, fighters exist on various points of the spectrum. The discrimination and teasing Ong faced in school and finding a job, for example, highlights a different narrative. A narrative that turns the outward demonstration of championing our flaws and insecurities towards the gruesome reality of our hearts—how many of us would be willing to set aside our biases about other people’s prominent physical flaws in pursuit of love? The ideal answer would be all of us. And perhaps there is an honest endeavour and intention for most of us to do so. But in reality, most of us may struggle to forgo these biases because they are reminders of the parts of ourselves that we still struggle to fully accept. A pithy party So maybe BBFA is just another label we can leave amidst the snide remarks and trolls of HardwareZone. An abbreviation to wield as self-deprecating humour on a forum that is as brutal as it is funny. Or it could carry a weight that extends beyond its digital footprint. EDMW is renowned in Singapore for being blunt. “As much as it’s toxic, it’s the kind of real-life conversation you can never have outside. People say what they’re really thinking here,” says C. Amusingly, EDMW shares that characteristic of being unfiltered with us here at Rice. They too broach topics and perspectives about Singaporean life that are far too difficult and sensitive to share elsewhere, especially not in person. And the BBFA community there might just as well be a prime example of the issues we need to discuss and digest as a society, but instead stomach in favour of good table manners. Beneath the crude language and insults of the forum lies a harrowing recognition of pretty privilege in the local dating scene. And with it, the types of people we fail to acknowledge as we demonise the forum as a place for trolls. If you haven’t already, follow RICE on Instagram , Spotify , Facebook , and Telegram . If you have a lead for a story, feedback on our work, or just want to say hi, you can also email us at community@ricemedia.co .

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To understand BBFA, one must first be privy to its origins and complexities. Hidden in the depths of HardwareZone’s tech reviews about the fluctuating changes in MacBook features lies its forums. And the tallest tree in the forest is none other than the [Eat Drink Man Woman (EDMW) forum](https://forums.hardwarezone.com.sg/forums/eat-drink-man-woman.16/). As blase as its name sounds, the forum stays true to its description, with almost “any happening topic” pertaining to Singapore being discussed heatedly in various threads. If you are familiar with the online forum scene, EDMW is [r/Singapore](https://www.reddit.com/r/singapore/)’s crude cousin: misogynistic, xenophobic, and unafraid to be politically *incorrect*. Etiquette, pleasantries, and “good English” are also unnecessary here. ## ADVERTISEMENT However, what is especially distinctive about EDMW is its [idiosyncratic lingo](https://mothership.sg/2014/06/hardwarezone-101-a-basic-guide-to-the-lingo-and-acronyms/) which may catch you off guard if you are new to the platform. Behind the allusions to delectable junk food like ‘Real Cheesepies’ (RCP) or ‘Curry Sauce’ is a niche code for ‘real girls’ and finding ‘sources’ befitting its CSI army of users. Amidst these acronyms is none other than the term ‘[BBFA](https://forums.hardwarezone.com.sg/threads/pls-dont-call-us-bbfa-anymore-its-insensitive-and-can-get-u-3-points.6562754/page-2)’, littered across EDMW’s green digital pages. Bui Bui Forever Alone (BBFA) is especially intriguing as a term as the Hokkien word for “fat” paints a very specific and seemingly depressing image of singlehood. Nonetheless, the phrase is tossed about the forum like ping pong balls, formerly hurled as an insult but now bouncing back as a badge of honour. ## The Babe of BBFA Finding a BBFA for this piece felt very much like travelling to Vivocity to catch a rare Pokemon and furiously swiping on our phones at the hint of any leads, only for the Pokeballs to languidly roll away. When Eudea and I were scouring through EDMW, the only self-identified BBFA we found didn’t fully fit the label. We first spoke to 26-year-old C\* (IAmNobodyxxx on EDMW) who made a [YouTube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsC-WK1BS7dBaSp1MqAqgdw) based on her experiences on the forum. https://youtu.be/rTtjiJCRPHU C’s welcome video to users on EDMW who doubt that she is a female BBFA In her welcome video, C chirpily announces her status as a BBFA. She hugs a pastel pink elephant soft toy in front of her, a distraction from “the fats sticking out” as she sits down. As we watched her videos, both Eudea and I had the same thought: “she’s not bui bui”. So when we finally interviewed C, we were skeptical if she would be “forever alone” either. It turns out, a breakup was the very thing that led her down the path to joining the BBFA community. “My first and only relationship was in poly and, I don’t want to blame my childhood but it plays a part. I grew up without a proper father figure and I saw how strong and independent my mom was.” Throughout her first relationship, C was convinced that she had to be straightforward and that things needed to be black and white between her and her ex-partner. But when the relationship fell apart after five years, she finally realised things were never that simple. C went on to repeat a Chinese proverb to us: “The smartest woman isn’t a strong woman, but a woman who knows when to act vulnerable.” Her failed relationship was fraught with pain, but it was also proof that C was capable of finding some kind of romance. “I know I’m definitely not a *real* BBFA,” C admits to us during our interview. Based on her experiences, she knew the term BBFA was a slight exaggeration of who she actually is. She was plump but not in the way anyone might imagine a quintessential BBFA. ![](https://d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Rice_Singapore_Hardware_Zone_BBFA_screengrabs-5-1024x640.jpg) C having sushi as she tells us about her experiences on the BBDA forum ## **Not every ‘single’ person is a BBFA** As a single person, speaking to C was almost like looking through a cracked mirror, a reflection of my inability to find love fissured only by our differences in background and skin colour. “I think most of us can relate to either the BB or FA part. Otherwise, we’d at least be able to empathise with it, even if we don’t completely fit the bill,” says C. I’m reminded of movies like [The DUFF](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eraXtuAnv64) (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) or books like Diary of a Wimpy Kid. In fact, many teen dramas and young adult fiction centre their stories on a plain Jane or average Joe. The main character that pervades representations of youth in pop culture is one whose unattractive appearance, according to societal standards, becomes their fundamental flaw. And in spite of these tropes falling short on the screen by ironically casting naturally stunning talents airbrushed by Hollywood’s top-notched make-up artists and post-production crew, they still appeal to the masses with a timeless tale. In Singapore, most of us can’t use the “pretty privilege” card because [Singaporean Standards of Beauty](https://mothership.sg/2014/09/the-singaporean-standard-of-beauty-why-i-hate-it/) have been warped by both our colonial hangover and influences from East Asian countries. Minorities, such as myself, definitely feel the brunt of being ‘unconventionally beautiful’ but speaking to C helped me realise that being from the majority race does not guarantee a spot on the ‘pretty’ table either. C’s relationship with the community highlights the allure of identifying with BBFAs, how it provides a home for those who not only struggle to find a partner but are also astutely aware that their appearances hinder it. Yet C’s confession marks a conscious dissonance from the community—given its predominant demographic. Amongst all the BBFAs we spoke to, there is a consensus that the community is made up largely of Chinese men, probably in their twenties or thirties. By that definition, ladies like both C and myself would immediately be excluded. ![](https://d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/RICE_Singapore_BBFA-5-1024x683.jpg) Ong, one of the many faceless Chinese male BBFAs ## The lesser evil The BBFA community can be paralleled with incels—another sub-groups of ‘forever aloners’ who probably have the poorest reputation because, as a [reformed incel has put it](https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2019/4/16/18287446/incel-definition-reddit), “Rage has completely taken over.” “EDMW is quite a dangerous place to be in, especially as a girl. Many guys were very skeptical of me, they didn’t even believe I was a girl when I referred to myself as BBFA. But I didn’t want to call myself a RCP because it feels too *hao lian*.” According to C, the standard of beauty in EDMW is [Paige Chua](https://www.instagram.com/paigechua_tpc/?hl=en) and any woman who doesn’t meet that is considered ugly. However, even though both BBFAs and incels paint women similarly in a stereotypical manner, the EDMW counterpart is still a far cry from the [Plymouth gunman](https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/aug/13/plymouth-shooting-suspect-what-we-know-jake-davison) born out of incel culture. What sets them apart is perhaps how BBFAs are self-aware about being on “Singapore’s most toxic forum”. Users are ready to defend anyone who feels hurt by any prejudiced comments with how the forum is after all “a cesspool”. ![](https://d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Screenshot-2021-12-07-at-1.17.13-PM-1024x884.png) A reply to a thread about r/Singapore on EDMW Its status quo reveals the prevalent [misogyny](https://www.ricemedia.co/current-affairs-commentary-rape-culture-schools-toxic-masculinity/) throughout the platform, a trait not limited to merely the BBFAs online. And as problematic as it may be, EDMW’s blatant and rampant toxicity could also be a plain reminder of its borderline satirical nature. ## **Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon** “Don’t take anything here too seriously. Many of those posing as BBFAs actually have proper jobs, with at least a university degree. They’re your hidden dragons,” said Ong. Ong\* considers himself to be a “real BBFA”, ticking off the checklist for all its criteria as a 26-year-old unemployed Chinese guy. ![](https://d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Rice_Singapore_Hardware_Zone_BBFA_screengrabs-2-1024x640.jpg) He divulges how most of the BBFAs are trolls who joined the forum mainly for entertainment purposes. It’s akin to an after-school curricular activity or post-work de-stressor for them—a chill online space to “hang out” (as its tagline goes) and laugh at the crazy jokes made. But when we asked if he’d ever meet up with anyone from the forum, Ong replied with an adamant, “Hell, no.” “You don’t know who’s good or bad here and the people can be quite toxic. For example, if you reveal your face and they don’t like it, they’ll just whack you.” Ong’s referring not only to the string of loaded insults that may come your way but also how EDMW has had a reputation for [doxxing people](https://www.ricemedia.co/culture-life-internet-brought-together-doxxing-set-apart-media-literacy-council/) and stalking them in a way that may even put my investigative journalism skills to shame. He was, however, unlike the pernicious men he describes on the forum. Contrary to the uproarious voices on the platform, Ong’s presence was much subtler. Joining our Zoom call with his camera switched off and slight hesitation in his voice, he showed us the other, and possibly truer side of being a BBFA. ![](https://d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Rice_Singapore_Hardware_Zone_BBFA_screengrabs-1-1024x640.jpg) ## **No love or no confidence?** “I think some people who identify as BBFA on HardwareZone are actually just being pessimistic or lack confidence in themselves,” reveals Ong. As someone who was born with a disability, he genuinely feels like love is merely a distant dream. “Who doesn’t want to find love? Of course, I would. But who would want to date a disabled person?” Walking with a limp and having a visual impairment, Ong knows that it would never cross most Singaporean girls to ever consider him as a partner. He accepts that as much as people are becoming open-minded, we still live in a conservative society and his chances of finding love are slim. “I know the end result won’t be good, so I don’t really try dating or anything either. Being a BBFA still feels like a bit of a disgrace to me, even though now it’s more of a label than an insult on EDMW,” mutters Ong. Juxtaposed to most of the [trolls](https://www.ricemedia.co/current-affairs-opinion-clubhouse-singapore/), Ong’s story gives the malicious jeer of the insult a hollow ring. It explains why it was so hard to meet a real BBFA. He embodies the reticence of people who actually categorically fit into the BBFA label. Men who would be reluctant to admit their conformity to the label for fear also, in turn, admitting that they are undesirable according to societal standards. ![](https://d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Rice_Singapore_Hardware_Zone_BBFA_screengrabs-3-1024x640.jpg) ## **Reclaiming our stigmatised selves** So we could dismiss BBFA as a mockery of what is a genuine struggle about [body image](https://www.ricemedia.co/to-love-another-body-better/) in the dating sphere. After all, the insults seem to trivialise what many Singaporeans may struggle with in some shape or form, in an age where your first Bumble photo determines whether your phone will be buzzing with notifications. But there’s also a blunt liberation that comes with the label. To C, “BBFA is a term you can use to insult yourself first before others can do so. There is no shame in being a little meatier anyways.” Her remarks instantly reminded me of Rebel Wilson’s iconic ‘Fat Amy’ character from the Pitch Perfect franchise. Wilson’s character [nonchalantly retorts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkKX1Loa7zU) how she uses the moniker before her slimmer counterparts can weaponise it against her. This candour speaks to the unabashed pride that seems contrary to plights like [body dysmorphia](https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/body-dysmorphia/). It’s inspiring in the way celebrities like [Lizzo shift the narrative of body positivity towards being body-normative](https://www.billboard.com/music/pop/lizzo-body-positivity-comments-vogue-cover-story-9454895/). Or uplifting in how owning your image allows you to normalise how it is perceived by the public. But like most internal battles, fighters exist on various points of the spectrum. The discrimination and teasing Ong faced in school and finding a job, for example, highlights a different narrative. A narrative that turns the outward demonstration of championing our flaws and insecurities towards the gruesome reality of our hearts—how many of us would be willing to set aside our biases about other people’s prominent physical flaws in pursuit of love? The ideal answer would be *all* of us. And perhaps there is an honest endeavour and intention for most of us to do so. But in reality, most of us may struggle to forgo these biases because they are reminders of the parts of ourselves that we still struggle to fully accept. ## **A pithy party** So maybe BBFA is just another label we can leave amidst the snide remarks and trolls of HardwareZone. An abbreviation to wield as self-deprecating humour on a forum that is as brutal as it is funny. Or it could carry a weight that extends beyond its digital footprint. EDMW is renowned in Singapore for being blunt. “As much as it’s toxic, it’s the kind of real-life conversation you can never have outside. People say what they’re really thinking here,” says C. Amusingly, EDMW shares that characteristic of being unfiltered with us here at Rice. They too broach topics and perspectives about Singaporean life that are far too difficult and sensitive to share elsewhere, especially not in person. And the BBFA community there might just as well be a prime example of the issues we need to discuss and digest as a society, but instead stomach in favour of good table manners. Beneath the crude language and insults of the forum lies a harrowing recognition of pretty privilege in the local dating scene. And with it, the types of people we fail to acknowledge as we demonise the forum as a place for trolls. ##### If you haven’t already, follow RICE on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/ricemedia.co/), [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/show/53WMzQNj93Lz9arAECU4U6?si=hAIZJFaIRU6oj-0r9y0peQ), [Facebook](http://facebook.com/RiceMedia.co), and [Telegram](https://t.me/RiceMedia). If you have a lead for a story, feedback on our work, or just want to say hi, you can also email us at [community@ricemedia.co](mailto:community@ricemedia.co). 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##### All images: Zachary Tang & Isaiah Chua for Rice Media unless otherwise stated. To understand BBFA, one must first be privy to its origins and complexities. Hidden in the depths of HardwareZone’s tech reviews about the fluctuating changes in MacBook features lies its forums. And the tallest tree in the forest is none other than the [Eat Drink Man Woman (EDMW) forum](https://forums.hardwarezone.com.sg/forums/eat-drink-man-woman.16/). As blase as its name sounds, the forum stays true to its description, with almost “any happening topic” pertaining to Singapore being discussed heatedly in various threads. If you are familiar with the online forum scene, EDMW is [r/Singapore](https://www.reddit.com/r/singapore/)’s crude cousin: misogynistic, xenophobic, and unafraid to be politically *incorrect*. Etiquette, pleasantries, and “good English” are also unnecessary here. ## ADVERTISEMENT However, what is especially distinctive about EDMW is its [idiosyncratic lingo](https://mothership.sg/2014/06/hardwarezone-101-a-basic-guide-to-the-lingo-and-acronyms/) which may catch you off guard if you are new to the platform. Behind the allusions to delectable junk food like ‘Real Cheesepies’ (RCP) or ‘Curry Sauce’ is a niche code for ‘real girls’ and finding ‘sources’ befitting its CSI army of users. Amidst these acronyms is none other than the term ‘[BBFA](https://forums.hardwarezone.com.sg/threads/pls-dont-call-us-bbfa-anymore-its-insensitive-and-can-get-u-3-points.6562754/page-2)’, littered across EDMW’s green digital pages. Bui Bui Forever Alone (BBFA) is especially intriguing as a term as the Hokkien word for “fat” paints a very specific and seemingly depressing image of singlehood. Nonetheless, the phrase is tossed about the forum like ping pong balls, formerly hurled as an insult but now bouncing back as a badge of honour. ## The Babe of BBFA Finding a BBFA for this piece felt very much like travelling to Vivocity to catch a rare Pokemon and furiously swiping on our phones at the hint of any leads, only for the Pokeballs to languidly roll away. When Eudea and I were scouring through EDMW, the only self-identified BBFA we found didn’t fully fit the label. We first spoke to 26-year-old C\* (IAmNobodyxxx on EDMW) who made a [YouTube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsC-WK1BS7dBaSp1MqAqgdw) based on her experiences on the forum. https://youtu.be/rTtjiJCRPHU C’s welcome video to users on EDMW who doubt that she is a female BBFA In her welcome video, C chirpily announces her status as a BBFA. She hugs a pastel pink elephant soft toy in front of her, a distraction from “the fats sticking out” as she sits down. As we watched her videos, both Eudea and I had the same thought: “she’s not bui bui”. So when we finally interviewed C, we were skeptical if she would be “forever alone” either. It turns out, a breakup was the very thing that led her down the path to joining the BBFA community. “My first and only relationship was in poly and, I don’t want to blame my childhood but it plays a part. I grew up without a proper father figure and I saw how strong and independent my mom was.” Throughout her first relationship, C was convinced that she had to be straightforward and that things needed to be black and white between her and her ex-partner. But when the relationship fell apart after five years, she finally realised things were never that simple. C went on to repeat a Chinese proverb to us: “The smartest woman isn’t a strong woman, but a woman who knows when to act vulnerable.” Her failed relationship was fraught with pain, but it was also proof that C was capable of finding some kind of romance. “I know I’m definitely not a *real* BBFA,” C admits to us during our interview. Based on her experiences, she knew the term BBFA was a slight exaggeration of who she actually is. She was plump but not in the way anyone might imagine a quintessential BBFA. ![](https://d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Rice_Singapore_Hardware_Zone_BBFA_screengrabs-5-1024x640.jpg) C having sushi as she tells us about her experiences on the BBDA forum ## **Not every ‘single’ person is a BBFA** As a single person, speaking to C was almost like looking through a cracked mirror, a reflection of my inability to find love fissured only by our differences in background and skin colour. “I think most of us can relate to either the BB or FA part. Otherwise, we’d at least be able to empathise with it, even if we don’t completely fit the bill,” says C. I’m reminded of movies like [The DUFF](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eraXtuAnv64) (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) or books like Diary of a Wimpy Kid. In fact, many teen dramas and young adult fiction centre their stories on a plain Jane or average Joe. The main character that pervades representations of youth in pop culture is one whose unattractive appearance, according to societal standards, becomes their fundamental flaw. And in spite of these tropes falling short on the screen by ironically casting naturally stunning talents airbrushed by Hollywood’s top-notched make-up artists and post-production crew, they still appeal to the masses with a timeless tale. In Singapore, most of us can’t use the “pretty privilege” card because [Singaporean Standards of Beauty](https://mothership.sg/2014/09/the-singaporean-standard-of-beauty-why-i-hate-it/) have been warped by both our colonial hangover and influences from East Asian countries. Minorities, such as myself, definitely feel the brunt of being ‘unconventionally beautiful’ but speaking to C helped me realise that being from the majority race does not guarantee a spot on the ‘pretty’ table either. C’s relationship with the community highlights the allure of identifying with BBFAs, how it provides a home for those who not only struggle to find a partner but are also astutely aware that their appearances hinder it. Yet C’s confession marks a conscious dissonance from the community—given its predominant demographic. Amongst all the BBFAs we spoke to, there is a consensus that the community is made up largely of Chinese men, probably in their twenties or thirties. By that definition, ladies like both C and myself would immediately be excluded. ![](https://d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/RICE_Singapore_BBFA-5-1024x683.jpg) Ong, one of the many faceless Chinese male BBFAs ## The lesser evil The BBFA community can be paralleled with incels—another sub-groups of ‘forever aloners’ who probably have the poorest reputation because, as a [reformed incel has put it](https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2019/4/16/18287446/incel-definition-reddit), “Rage has completely taken over.” “EDMW is quite a dangerous place to be in, especially as a girl. Many guys were very skeptical of me, they didn’t even believe I was a girl when I referred to myself as BBFA. But I didn’t want to call myself a RCP because it feels too *hao lian*.” According to C, the standard of beauty in EDMW is [Paige Chua](https://www.instagram.com/paigechua_tpc/?hl=en) and any woman who doesn’t meet that is considered ugly. However, even though both BBFAs and incels paint women similarly in a stereotypical manner, the EDMW counterpart is still a far cry from the [Plymouth gunman](https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/aug/13/plymouth-shooting-suspect-what-we-know-jake-davison) born out of incel culture. What sets them apart is perhaps how BBFAs are self-aware about being on “Singapore’s most toxic forum”. Users are ready to defend anyone who feels hurt by any prejudiced comments with how the forum is after all “a cesspool”. ![](https://d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Screenshot-2021-12-07-at-1.17.13-PM-1024x884.png) A reply to a thread about r/Singapore on EDMW Its status quo reveals the prevalent [misogyny](https://www.ricemedia.co/current-affairs-commentary-rape-culture-schools-toxic-masculinity/) throughout the platform, a trait not limited to merely the BBFAs online. And as problematic as it may be, EDMW’s blatant and rampant toxicity could also be a plain reminder of its borderline satirical nature. “Don’t take anything here too seriously. Many of those posing as BBFAs actually have proper jobs, with at least a university degree. They’re your hidden dragons,” said Ong. Ong\* considers himself to be a “real BBFA”, ticking off the checklist for all its criteria as a 26-year-old unemployed Chinese guy. ![](https://d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Rice_Singapore_Hardware_Zone_BBFA_screengrabs-2-1024x640.jpg) He divulges how most of the BBFAs are trolls who joined the forum mainly for entertainment purposes. It’s akin to an after-school curricular activity or post-work de-stressor for them—a chill online space to “hang out” (as its tagline goes) and laugh at the crazy jokes made. But when we asked if he’d ever meet up with anyone from the forum, Ong replied with an adamant, “Hell, no.” “You don’t know who’s good or bad here and the people can be quite toxic. For example, if you reveal your face and they don’t like it, they’ll just whack you.” Ong’s referring not only to the string of loaded insults that may come your way but also how EDMW has had a reputation for [doxxing people](https://www.ricemedia.co/culture-life-internet-brought-together-doxxing-set-apart-media-literacy-council/) and stalking them in a way that may even put my investigative journalism skills to shame. He was, however, unlike the pernicious men he describes on the forum. Contrary to the uproarious voices on the platform, Ong’s presence was much subtler. Joining our Zoom call with his camera switched off and slight hesitation in his voice, he showed us the other, and possibly truer side of being a BBFA. ![](https://d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Rice_Singapore_Hardware_Zone_BBFA_screengrabs-1-1024x640.jpg) ## **No love or no confidence?** “I think some people who identify as BBFA on HardwareZone are actually just being pessimistic or lack confidence in themselves,” reveals Ong. As someone who was born with a disability, he genuinely feels like love is merely a distant dream. “Who doesn’t want to find love? Of course, I would. But who would want to date a disabled person?” Walking with a limp and having a visual impairment, Ong knows that it would never cross most Singaporean girls to ever consider him as a partner. He accepts that as much as people are becoming open-minded, we still live in a conservative society and his chances of finding love are slim. “I know the end result won’t be good, so I don’t really try dating or anything either. Being a BBFA still feels like a bit of a disgrace to me, even though now it’s more of a label than an insult on EDMW,” mutters Ong. Juxtaposed to most of the [trolls](https://www.ricemedia.co/current-affairs-opinion-clubhouse-singapore/), Ong’s story gives the malicious jeer of the insult a hollow ring. It explains why it was so hard to meet a real BBFA. He embodies the reticence of people who actually categorically fit into the BBFA label. Men who would be reluctant to admit their conformity to the label for fear also, in turn, admitting that they are undesirable according to societal standards. ![](https://d3uwoey2rd901c.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Rice_Singapore_Hardware_Zone_BBFA_screengrabs-3-1024x640.jpg) ## **Reclaiming our stigmatised selves** So we could dismiss BBFA as a mockery of what is a genuine struggle about [body image](https://www.ricemedia.co/to-love-another-body-better/) in the dating sphere. After all, the insults seem to trivialise what many Singaporeans may struggle with in some shape or form, in an age where your first Bumble photo determines whether your phone will be buzzing with notifications. But there’s also a blunt liberation that comes with the label. To C, “BBFA is a term you can use to insult yourself first before others can do so. There is no shame in being a little meatier anyways.” Her remarks instantly reminded me of Rebel Wilson’s iconic ‘Fat Amy’ character from the Pitch Perfect franchise. Wilson’s character [nonchalantly retorts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkKX1Loa7zU) how she uses the moniker before her slimmer counterparts can weaponise it against her. This candour speaks to the unabashed pride that seems contrary to plights like [body dysmorphia](https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/body-dysmorphia/). It’s inspiring in the way celebrities like [Lizzo shift the narrative of body positivity towards being body-normative](https://www.billboard.com/music/pop/lizzo-body-positivity-comments-vogue-cover-story-9454895/). Or uplifting in how owning your image allows you to normalise how it is perceived by the public. But like most internal battles, fighters exist on various points of the spectrum. The discrimination and teasing Ong faced in school and finding a job, for example, highlights a different narrative. A narrative that turns the outward demonstration of championing our flaws and insecurities towards the gruesome reality of our hearts—how many of us would be willing to set aside our biases about other people’s prominent physical flaws in pursuit of love? The ideal answer would be *all* of us. And perhaps there is an honest endeavour and intention for most of us to do so. But in reality, most of us may struggle to forgo these biases because they are reminders of the parts of ourselves that we still struggle to fully accept. ## **A pithy party** So maybe BBFA is just another label we can leave amidst the snide remarks and trolls of HardwareZone. An abbreviation to wield as self-deprecating humour on a forum that is as brutal as it is funny. Or it could carry a weight that extends beyond its digital footprint. EDMW is renowned in Singapore for being blunt. “As much as it’s toxic, it’s the kind of real-life conversation you can never have outside. People say what they’re really thinking here,” says C. Amusingly, EDMW shares that characteristic of being unfiltered with us here at Rice. They too broach topics and perspectives about Singaporean life that are far too difficult and sensitive to share elsewhere, especially not in person. And the BBFA community there might just as well be a prime example of the issues we need to discuss and digest as a society, but instead stomach in favour of good table manners. Beneath the crude language and insults of the forum lies a harrowing recognition of pretty privilege in the local dating scene. And with it, the types of people we fail to acknowledge as we demonise the forum as a place for trolls. ##### If you haven’t already, follow RICE on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/ricemedia.co/), [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/show/53WMzQNj93Lz9arAECU4U6?si=hAIZJFaIRU6oj-0r9y0peQ), [Facebook](http://facebook.com/RiceMedia.co), and [Telegram](https://t.me/RiceMedia). If you have a lead for a story, feedback on our work, or just want to say hi, you can also email us at [community@ricemedia.co](mailto:community@ricemedia.co).

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