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Click on the country / region above to switch. [](https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/unbothered) [](https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/latine-somos) [](https://www.beautycon.com/) [](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb) Now Reading #### I Tried 30 Ways To Boost My Confidence [Story from Health](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/health) ADVERTISEMENT # I Tried 30 Different Things To Boost My Confidence & Here’s What Worked [Anya Meyerowitz](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/author/anya-meyerowitz) Last Updated [29 January 2022, 7:00](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/archives/2022/01/29) Illustrated by Assa Ariyoshi. "Stop hunching over like you’re trying to fit your body through a tube," my posture coach encouraged me as I tried to feign confidence in front of the gaggle of strangers watching me. Since the age of five, and possibly even before, I can remember being told to [be more confident](https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/how-to-be-more-confident). People would encourage me to step into this head-held-high, strong-backboned version of myself – a sort of Anya 2.0, waiting just a few steps ahead. But what they never actually told me was how to get there. According to a report commissioned by Dove's Self-Esteem Project, entitled "[Real Girls, Real Pressure: A National Report on the State of Self-Esteem](https://heartofleadership.org/statistics/)", seven in 10 girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way when it comes to their appearance, performance in school and relationships with family and friends. AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT The statistics are equally bleak as we reach adulthood. In 2019, research carried out by [My Confidence Matters and the University of Glasgow](https://www.myconfidencematters.com/research-2019) found that 79% of women lack confidence at work as well as in other areas of life. Six months ago I decided I wanted to learn how to [foster more confidence](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/faking-confidence-self-esteem) in myself. I asked confident friends, colleagues, family members and even an ex-teacher what they felt had most encouraged their self-confidence. I ended up with a list of 30 suggestions and, over the next few months, I diligently tried them all. Which is how I ended up at a 'posture perfecting' class, 'resetting my scapula' so my chest could bloom outwards in what I know was meant to feel like a display of confidence. I never went back to that class, although my friend Rosie, who suggested it, said it had helped her lead meetings at work. I did however keep moving forwards with the other 29 suggestions. Some were straightforward: [get your hair done](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/blue-black-hair-transformation-video). Some were exhilarating: try [boxing](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/boxing-sisters-rwanga-refugee-camp). Others were so terrifying that my stomach curdled in the weeks running up to them (stand-up comedy class, I’m looking at you). ## Start small Let's start with the easier suggestions. These are the ones I saved for days when I felt small, when coercing myself into the bigger exercises (like attending a party alone) was categorically Not Going To Happen. On these days, I practised low-lift exercises like [reciting affirmations](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/positive-affirmations-confidence-work), assuming [power poses](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/power-poses-confidence-work) in the mirror and listening to a hypnosis recording ([this one](https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/Increased-Confidence-and-Self-Esteem-with-Self-Hypnosis-Audiobook/B07KGMLZS5) from Audible is great). These didn’t require me to step out and roar at the world, instead encouraging a gentle rebellion against my negative self-talk. AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT I found some success with each one. Although cheesy, reciting affirmations was my favourite. Each morning for several weeks I would think about how I was feeling about myself; far too often it was a variation of *I’m not good enough*. I would then create a positive affirmation from it; something like *I am good enough and I can do anything*. I would write this thought down, stand in front of the mirror, look myself in the eye and repeat it over and over for five minutes. It’s not enough simply to say the words – you need to say them in such a way that if someone were standing beside you, they would believe you meant it. "Using affirmations can retrain your subconscious to believe something new," mindset coach [Poppy Delbridge](https://poppydelbridge.com/) tells me. "If you consciously 'talk' to yourself in a new way with repetition, you can disrupt old mind chatter by creating new neural pathways (the pathways through which our nervous system communicates and controls our body) in your brain and retraining the way you think, and therefore act." ## How do I look? Various people suggested changing up my appearance as a way to foster confidence, particularly when it comes to dating or making new friends. "I always get my hair done when I’m going into something new, whether it’s a date or a job interview," an old schoolfriend told me, reminding me that the [post-breakup haircut](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/break-up-hair-cuts) is a cliché for a reason. "Who broke your heart?" my hairdresser once asked when I demanded he turn my long blonde hair into a chocolate bob. AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT Getting my hair done is nothing new to me as a paid-up member of the bleach club, but this time I paid attention to how I felt as I left the salon: the way I swayed my hips more in time with the buoyant swish of my hair, how I stood a little taller and smiled a little wider at other people and at my own reflection in shop windows as I passed. Did I feel more confident? Yes. Did it last? Yes, it did, for at least a week. "This is why people get weekly blowdries," my friend told me when I explained the fading feeling of confidence, and for the first in my life I understood why. We all make snap judgements on first impressions, and we know others do the same to us, so it stands to reason that putting our best foot – or hair – forwards and taking control of our image is the most immediate change we can effect in ourselves. ## Reaching out to others I really connected with the suggestion to help others. It came from a particularly self-assured ex-teacher of mine. "If you can’t do something for yourself," she told me, "do it for others and it will soon come." Of course it’s generally just good to be kind, but the psychology behind her comment fascinated me. Helping those in need activates the mesolimbic system, the portion of the brain responsible for feelings of reward and happiness. So by contributing to the greater good, you can build self-esteem and create a positive relationship with yourself. AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT Another unexpectedly successful suggestion came from a colleague who recommended I reach out to five people who inspire me and invite them for coffee. And so I did, feeling distinctly like I was about to ruin my career. All five replied. Bar one who had moved out of town, I met them all for coffee and am still in contact with two. I received several big article commissions from the exercise – one for a publication I’d wanted to contribute to for a long time – and lots of really useful advice about my career. The most confidence-affirming part of the exercise, though, was that not one of the people I met was the Miranda Priestly-typecharacter I had imagined. Several seemed more nervous than me and almost all of them asked "Was I helpful?" at the end of our meeting. ## The deep end The terrifying pinnacle of the whole process was the stand-up comedy class suggested by my cousin, who used to do small stand-up gigs. "If you can show your metaphorical knickers on stage and get through it, you can show them anywhere," she told me. I signed up to a beginners' course (£75 with [The Comedy School](https://www.thecomedyschool.com/)) and arrived a few weeks later, wobbling from the mouth down, breathing heavily in terror. Contrary to what I expected, there was no one waiting to shove me onstage under an unforgiving spotlight. At least not straightaway. Instead, we talked about how to turn a story into a successful anecdote. It was relaxed and friendly – but then the session ended with each of us performing a short sketch. AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT I forced myself to go first to get it over with and was met with laughs and stunted silences in equal measure. But when my five minutes were up, I realised that I didn’t care how my jokes had gone, I was just thankful it was over. This was one of my main takeaways from the whole experiment. You can’t control others' emotions any more than the next person but you should still get up and speak your truth. Trust me, once you’ve stood on a stage and tried to make a room full of people laugh, nothing will ever be as scary. ## Going forwards Perhaps my biggest learning from my quest for confidence is that it’s not about the specific things that you do but how often you do them. Confidence is not something we attain and then bank forever; we need to continually work at it as we evolve, as circumstances change and life bends in directions we never saw coming. It is a relationship that we will work on for the rest of our lives. [Confidence coach Lucy Baker](https://www.makeupmastery.co.uk/create-your-confidence/) confirms as much. "Confidence can be built relatively quickly but like any form of self-development it is different for each individual and depends on how much work that individual is prepared to put in." She says it's important to understand what's preventing you from feelingconfident so that you can "work through what’s holding \[you\] back, or even eradicate it entirely. Then, from a clean slate, \[you\] can build confidence up." AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT I can’t predict what the future will throw at me or you or any of us, but I do know that doing everything we can to meet it with confidence is better than any crystal ball. There’s a lot of convincing to do in this world; let’s convince ourselves first. **The 30 things I tried to boost my confidence** 1\. Joined a posture class 2\. Took a public speaking session 3\. Attended a stand-up comedy course 4\. Practised power poses 5\. Recited affirmations 6\. Got my hair done 7\. Read *You are a Badass* by Jen Sincero 8\. Practised naked yoga (I tried this one at home) 9\. Saw a confidence coach 10\. Spoke to a comparison coach 11\. Went to boxing classes 12\. Went to a party on my own 13\. Emailed five people I look up to 14\. Wore matching underwear 15\. Went to a beauty masterclass 16\. Wrote down limiting beliefs 17\. Read *Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway* by Susan Jeffers 18\. Worked to define my purpose – my 'why' 19\. Adopted the 'fake it 'til you make it' ethos 20\. Wore high heels 21\. Signed up to play netball (spoiler: I was rubbish) 22\. Took credit for my achievements 23\. Accepted compliments rather than batting them away 24\. Made lots of eye contact 25\. Did something I’d put off for a while 26\. Listened to a hypnosis recording 27\. Controlled my scroll (identified who made me feel bad about myself on social media and then muted or unfollowed them) 28\. Helped others 29\. Took dance classes 30\. Went on holiday on my own (in the UK) AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT 30 Confidence Boosting Tips For Women, Tested [Health](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/health) • [Mind](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/mind) • [Work & Money](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/work-and-money) [written by Anya Meyerowitz](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/author/anya-meyerowitz) Illustrated by Assa Ariyoshi. ## More from Mind [Mental Health 5 Women On The Reality Of ADHD Medication “When the medication kicked in that first day, maybe an hour or so after taking it, it was like finally being at peace,” remembers Kerry\*, 35, who star by Tanyel Mustafa](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/adhd-medication-women-titration-process-experience) [Health Care AI Therapy Is Helping Our Wallets, But Is It Helping Our Minds? Within just three minutes of using ChatGPT as a therapist, it had told me to “go low or no contact” with my family. This is something a real therapist by Tanyel Mustafa](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/ai-therapy-chat-gpt-mental-health) [Unbothered My Black Family Couldn’t Hold My Anxiety — So I Learned To ... In late 2022, a series of debilitating panic attacks pulled me under and changed everything. I didn’t know it at the time, but seven years after leaving by Stephanie Long](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/black-women-healing-panic-attacks) AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT [Wellness It Isn’t Always A “Sign” When Things Don’... When was the last time you said it? Be honest. When you didn’t get that job you interviewed for? It’s a sign I should be writing my novel instead. When by Katy Thompsett](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/signs-from-the-universe-disappointment-setbacks) [Wellness R29 Editors On The Nostalgic Things They Turn To For Comfort by Tanyel Mustafa](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/childhood-nostalgic-memories-comfort) [Taking Care The Big Night Out — & The Even Bigger Risk Of Mixing Alcohol & Co... Trigger warning: This article contains discussion of suicide. While travelling as a 20-year-old, Jess\* (now 27), partied hard. It was a typical rite of pas by Tanyel Mustafa](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/mixing-alcohol-cocaine-risks-party-culture) [Mind If Your SAD Symptoms Aren’t Shifting, Get Distracted This winter has felt that much worse than ever before. Whether or not it’s true, it seems greyer, colder and the sun is currently only gracing the UK wit by Tanyel Mustafa](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/winter-sad-distraction-coping-mechanism) [Press Pause I Cut My 7-Hours-A-Day Screen Time In Half — & Got My Life Back “Me when I put my phone down” reads the meme, the text superimposed on a picture showing an outline of a person filled with gold light, standing in a f by Tanyel Mustafa](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/reduce-phone-screen-time-scrolling-social-media) [Wellness 6 R29 Editors On The Ritualistic Things They Do To Combat Winter ... by Tanyel Mustafa](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/how-to-combat-winter-fatigue) [Relationships Women Are Now Filming The Messy Endings In Their Lives Would you rather cry on the phone to your friend about a breakup or broadcast a video of yourself in tears for millions to see? Some people are openly shar by Tanyel Mustafa](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/sharing-personal-painful-life-events-tiktok) [Relationships Joking You’ve “Healed Too Much” Might Be A Sign You’re Still Hurting Is it possible to have healed “too much” following a bad romantic experience? Adrienne, 29, from London, who doesn’t want to share her full name, thi by Tanyel Mustafa](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/healed-too-much-self-work-romantic-relationships) [Dedicated Feature Why Going To The Gallery Is My Secret Self-Care Weapon The museum first became a safe haven for my mental wellbeing when I was a kid. I remember having to follow my grandad’s slow pace as I held his hand, pat by Sara Quattrocchi ...](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/national-art-pass-mental-wellbeing) AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT ADVERTISEMENT  COMPANY - [About Us](https://sundialmg.com/) - [Jobs](https://www.linkedin.com/company/refinery29/jobs) - [Advertising](mailto:advertising@refinery29.com) - [Feedback](mailto:feedback@refinery29.uk) - [R29 Intelligence](https://www.refinery29.com/intelligence) - [Licensing and Reuse of Content](https://info.wrightsmedia.com/refinery29-licensing) INFORMATION - [Terms](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/terms-and-conditions) - [Privacy](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/privacy) - [Cookie Policy](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/cookie-policy) - [Accessibility](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/accessibility-statement) - [Archives](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/archives) - [RSS](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/rss.xml) - [R29 Company News](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/refinery29-news%20) - [Gérer Mes Paramétres de Confidentialité](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/boost-confidence-tips#do-not-sell-my-info) EDITIONS - [United States](https://www.refinery29.com/en-us) - [Germany](https://www.refinery29.com/de-de) - [France](https://www.refinery29.com/fr-fr) - [Australia](https://www.refinery29.com/en-au) [NEWSLETTER SIGN-UP]() [](https://www.essentialaccessibility.com/refinery29?utm_source=refinery29homepage&utm_medium=iconlarge&utm_term=iconlarge&utm_content=header&utm_campaign=refinery29) © 2026 REFINERY29 ADVERTISEMENT

Illustrated by Assa Ariyoshi. "Stop hunching over like you’re trying to fit your body through a tube," my posture coach encouraged me as I tried to feign confidence in front of the gaggle of strangers watching me. Since the age of five, and possibly even before, I can remember being told to [be more confident](https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/how-to-be-more-confident). People would encourage me to step into this head-held-high, strong-backboned version of myself – a sort of Anya 2.0, waiting just a few steps ahead. But what they never actually told me was how to get there. AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT Six months ago I decided I wanted to learn how to [foster more confidence](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/faking-confidence-self-esteem) in myself. I asked confident friends, colleagues, family members and even an ex-teacher what they felt had most encouraged their self-confidence. I ended up with a list of 30 suggestions and, over the next few months, I diligently tried them all. Which is how I ended up at a 'posture perfecting' class, 'resetting my scapula' so my chest could bloom outwards in what I know was meant to feel like a display of confidence. I never went back to that class, although my friend Rosie, who suggested it, said it had helped her lead meetings at work. I did however keep moving forwards with the other 29 suggestions. Some were straightforward: [get your hair done](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/blue-black-hair-transformation-video). Some were exhilarating: try [boxing](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/boxing-sisters-rwanga-refugee-camp). Others were so terrifying that my stomach curdled in the weeks running up to them (stand-up comedy class, I’m looking at you). Start small Let's start with the easier suggestions. These are the ones I saved for days when I felt small, when coercing myself into the bigger exercises (like attending a party alone) was categorically Not Going To Happen. On these days, I practised low-lift exercises like [reciting affirmations](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/positive-affirmations-confidence-work), assuming [power poses](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/power-poses-confidence-work) in the mirror and listening to a hypnosis recording ([this one](https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/Increased-Confidence-and-Self-Esteem-with-Self-Hypnosis-Audiobook/B07KGMLZS5) from Audible is great). These didn’t require me to step out and roar at the world, instead encouraging a gentle rebellion against my negative self-talk. AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT I found some success with each one. Although cheesy, reciting affirmations was my favourite. Each morning for several weeks I would think about how I was feeling about myself; far too often it was a variation of *I’m not good enough*. I would then create a positive affirmation from it; something like *I am good enough and I can do anything*. I would write this thought down, stand in front of the mirror, look myself in the eye and repeat it over and over for five minutes. It’s not enough simply to say the words – you need to say them in such a way that if someone were standing beside you, they would believe you meant it. "Using affirmations can retrain your subconscious to believe something new," mindset coach [Poppy Delbridge](https://poppydelbridge.com/) tells me. "If you consciously 'talk' to yourself in a new way with repetition, you can disrupt old mind chatter by creating new neural pathways (the pathways through which our nervous system communicates and controls our body) in your brain and retraining the way you think, and therefore act." How do I look? Various people suggested changing up my appearance as a way to foster confidence, particularly when it comes to dating or making new friends. "I always get my hair done when I’m going into something new, whether it’s a date or a job interview," an old schoolfriend told me, reminding me that the [post-breakup haircut](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/break-up-hair-cuts) is a cliché for a reason. "Who broke your heart?" my hairdresser once asked when I demanded he turn my long blonde hair into a chocolate bob. AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT Getting my hair done is nothing new to me as a paid-up member of the bleach club, but this time I paid attention to how I felt as I left the salon: the way I swayed my hips more in time with the buoyant swish of my hair, how I stood a little taller and smiled a little wider at other people and at my own reflection in shop windows as I passed. Did I feel more confident? Yes. Did it last? Yes, it did, for at least a week. "This is why people get weekly blowdries," my friend told me when I explained the fading feeling of confidence, and for the first in my life I understood why. We all make snap judgements on first impressions, and we know others do the same to us, so it stands to reason that putting our best foot – or hair – forwards and taking control of our image is the most immediate change we can effect in ourselves. Reaching out to others I really connected with the suggestion to help others. It came from a particularly self-assured ex-teacher of mine. "If you can’t do something for yourself," she told me, "do it for others and it will soon come." Of course it’s generally just good to be kind, but the psychology behind her comment fascinated me. Helping those in need activates the mesolimbic system, the portion of the brain responsible for feelings of reward and happiness. So by contributing to the greater good, you can build self-esteem and create a positive relationship with yourself. AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT Another unexpectedly successful suggestion came from a colleague who recommended I reach out to five people who inspire me and invite them for coffee. And so I did, feeling distinctly like I was about to ruin my career. All five replied. Bar one who had moved out of town, I met them all for coffee and am still in contact with two. I received several big article commissions from the exercise – one for a publication I’d wanted to contribute to for a long time – and lots of really useful advice about my career. The most confidence-affirming part of the exercise, though, was that not one of the people I met was the Miranda Priestly-typecharacter I had imagined. Several seemed more nervous than me and almost all of them asked "Was I helpful?" at the end of our meeting. The deep end The terrifying pinnacle of the whole process was the stand-up comedy class suggested by my cousin, who used to do small stand-up gigs. "If you can show your metaphorical knickers on stage and get through it, you can show them anywhere," she told me. I signed up to a beginners' course (£75 with [The Comedy School](https://www.thecomedyschool.com/)) and arrived a few weeks later, wobbling from the mouth down, breathing heavily in terror. Contrary to what I expected, there was no one waiting to shove me onstage under an unforgiving spotlight. At least not straightaway. Instead, we talked about how to turn a story into a successful anecdote. It was relaxed and friendly – but then the session ended with each of us performing a short sketch. AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT I forced myself to go first to get it over with and was met with laughs and stunted silences in equal measure. But when my five minutes were up, I realised that I didn’t care how my jokes had gone, I was just thankful it was over. This was one of my main takeaways from the whole experiment. You can’t control others' emotions any more than the next person but you should still get up and speak your truth. Trust me, once you’ve stood on a stage and tried to make a room full of people laugh, nothing will ever be as scary. Going forwards Perhaps my biggest learning from my quest for confidence is that it’s not about the specific things that you do but how often you do them. Confidence is not something we attain and then bank forever; we need to continually work at it as we evolve, as circumstances change and life bends in directions we never saw coming. It is a relationship that we will work on for the rest of our lives. [Confidence coach Lucy Baker](https://www.makeupmastery.co.uk/create-your-confidence/) confirms as much. "Confidence can be built relatively quickly but like any form of self-development it is different for each individual and depends on how much work that individual is prepared to put in." She says it's important to understand what's preventing you from feelingconfident so that you can "work through what’s holding \[you\] back, or even eradicate it entirely. Then, from a clean slate, \[you\] can build confidence up." AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT I can’t predict what the future will throw at me or you or any of us, but I do know that doing everything we can to meet it with confidence is better than any crystal ball. There’s a lot of convincing to do in this world; let’s convince ourselves first. **The 30 things I tried to boost my confidence** 1\. Joined a posture class 2\. Took a public speaking session 3\. Attended a stand-up comedy course 4\. Practised power poses 5\. Recited affirmations 6\. Got my hair done 7\. Read *You are a Badass* by Jen Sincero 8\. Practised naked yoga (I tried this one at home) 9\. Saw a confidence coach 10\. Spoke to a comparison coach 11\. Went to boxing classes 12\. Went to a party on my own 13\. Emailed five people I look up to 14\. Wore matching underwear 15\. Went to a beauty masterclass 16\. Wrote down limiting beliefs 17\. Read *Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway* by Susan Jeffers 18\. Worked to define my purpose – my 'why' 19\. Adopted the 'fake it 'til you make it' ethos 20\. Wore high heels 21\. Signed up to play netball (spoiler: I was rubbish) 22\. Took credit for my achievements 23\. Accepted compliments rather than batting them away 24\. Made lots of eye contact 25\. Did something I’d put off for a while 26\. Listened to a hypnosis recording 27\. Controlled my scroll (identified who made me feel bad about myself on social media and then muted or unfollowed them) 28\. Helped others 29\. Took dance classes 30\. Went on holiday on my own (in the UK) AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT