🕷️ Crawler Inspector

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Direct Parameter Lookup

Raw Queries and Responses

1. Shard Calculation

Query:

Response:

Calculated Shard: 76 (from laksa069)

2. Crawled Status Check

Query:

curl -X POST \
  'http://laksa076.int.ahrefs:8124/' \
  -H 'Content-Type: text/plain' \
  -H 'X-ClickHouse-Database: crawler3' \
  -H 'Authorization: Basic YXBpOg==' \
  -d 'SELECT getAhrefsURLFromUnparsed(src_unparsed) AS found_url, ifNull(toUnixTimestamp(download_stamp), 0) AS crawl_time, ifNull(toUnixTimestamp(props_url_first_seen), 0) AS first_indexed_time, download_http_code AS http_code, src_unparsed AS src_unparsed, src_root_hash AS src_root_hash, history_drop_reason AS history_drop_reason, meta_title AS meta_title, meta_descriptions AS meta_descriptions, attrs_boilerpipe_text AS attrs_boilerpipe_text, attrs_markdown AS attrs_markdown, attrs_readable_markdown AS attrs_readable_markdown, meta_canonical AS meta_canonical, ml_categories_json AS ml_categories_json, ml_types_json AS ml_types_json, ml_intent_types_json AS ml_intent_types_json, meta_language AS meta_language, attrs_author AS attrs_author, ifNull(toUnixTimestamp(attrs_publish_time), 0) AS attrs_publish_time, ifNull(toUnixTimestamp(attrs_original_publish_time), 0) AS attrs_original_publish_time, ifNull(attrs_is_republished, 0) AS attrs_is_republished, ifNull(attrs_nr_words, 0) AS attrs_nr_words, ifNull(attrs_boilerpipe_nr_words, 0) AS attrs_boilerpipe_nr_words, ifNull(body_ext_links_number, 0) AS body_ext_links_number, ifNull(body_int_links_number, 0) AS body_int_links_number, ifNull(meta_nofollow, 0) AS meta_nofollow, ifNull(meta_noarchive, 0) AS meta_noarchive, ifNull(props_was_rendered, 0) AS props_was_rendered, ifNull(src_redirect, \'\') AS src_redirect, ifNull(download_time_msec, 0) AS download_time_msec, ifNull(download_ttfb_msec, 0) AS download_ttfb_msec, ifNull(download_size, 0) AS download_size FROM crawler3.page_info_local FINAL PREWHERE (src_root_hash, src_unparsed) IN ((getAhrefsRootHashFromUnparsed(getAhrefsUnparsedNoserviceFromURL(\'https://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/gentlemans-guide-dealing-bad-neighbors\')), getAhrefsUnparsedNoserviceFromURL(\'https://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/gentlemans-guide-dealing-bad-neighbors\'))) FORMAT JSONEachRow'

Response:

{"found_url":"https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/gentlemans-guide-dealing-bad-neighbors","crawl_time":1776326168,"first_indexed_time":1581969489,"http_code":200,"src_unparsed":"com,mensjournal!www,\/health-fitness\/gentlemans-guide-dealing-bad-neighbors s443","src_root_hash":"7471735315811538076","history_drop_reason":null,"meta_title":"The gentleman's guide to dealing with bad neighbors - Men's Journal","meta_descriptions":["You want to build relationships based on mutual respect—but that’s sometimes easier said than done. Here’s what to do should drama come knocking."],"attrs_boilerpipe_text":"It’s 9 p.m. in Brooklyn, and my upstairs neighbor’s Lab retriever is running wall-to-wall sprints worthy of the NFL combine. Across the hall, a young couple is laughing hysterically and smoking something funky. And the Italian seniors next door are having sex and playing the Righteous Brothers so loud, I’ve definitely lost that loving feeling.\nThe good news is, the dog dash is always brief, the sky-high lovebirds let me borrow their drill, and the oldies fans tire easily—so, all in all, they’re good neighbors, which can be a rarity in New York City.\nBut I’ve definitely encountered some nightmare neighbors in the city—like the perpetually shoeless man who taught his three foul parrots to curse loudly for days at a time. I also spent two decades in suburbia, which was no commune, either. In third grade, a schizophrenic neighbor said God told her I was evil, and spread glass shards in our yard—a jarring experience at age 8, but in retrospect, a memorable lesson in the art of neighboring.\nHow to get over the fact you’re living among strangers\nYour home should be your sanctum, a safe space in an increasingly chaotic world. Yet when moving into a new home you’re likely to find yourself surrounded by strangers. In concept, it’s a pretty threatening juxtaposition. In practice, however, it’s actually something to be embraced.\nWe all feel this way about home, and when approached correctly, you and your neighbor can unite your protective instincts, form a sense of community, and even help each other out when needed. You don’t need to have much in common, and save for the occasional “How’s it going?” or “What’s up!” you don’t have to interact that much. You do, however, have to respect each other’s space and peace. Do this and neighboring becomes like raising a garden: Seed thoroughly at season’s start, remember to water it, and if needed, carefully address pests before they choke out your tomatoes.\nHow to become friendly with your neighbor\nThe art of neighboring begins with a brief introduction to establish trust and initiate a civil relationship. This intro doesn’t have to be immediate, so don’t force it. If your neighbor has an armful of groceries outside your apartment building, it might not be the best time for getting-to-know-you (though it is the perfect time to hold the door open). Remember, a great first impression goes a long way toward preventing future drama, so when the right time does present itself, put on your happy pants. Kathy Neily, a New York–based therapist who specializes in conflict resolution, recommends a classic customer service smile and solid eye contact. “If this is an Oscar-winning performance, so be it,” she says. “You don’t have to feel this generous of spirit, you just have to act like it.”\nFrom there on out, measured tolerance becomes the key to smooth neighboring. Easier said than done, though ultimately it does get easier, as learning to dissolve anger weakens negative reflexes to annoyances. This isn’t to say let yourself get walked on—if an annoyance threatens to affect your life, it’s time for a talk. And whether it’s your neighbor’s dog defiling your driveway or the apartment next door blasting Beyoncé at day-break, resist the urge to simply bang on your neighbor’s front door. “Stop and ask yourself: ‘How important is this?’” says Neily. “You have a right to your feelings, so voice the unedited version to yourself, then to someone who can listen without interrupting to give advice.” Once the anger subsides, should a discussion still feel necessary, plan your interaction logically.\nThe best way to handle a problem with your neighbor\nThough nailing a note to the offender’s door may feel satisfying, the best way to handle an issue is in person. Neily says to remember, “I’m OK. You’re OK” is the message. It’s safe to assume that your neighbor isn’t necessarily an evil, malicious person who’s out to get you, even though it may feel that way. “Most people have no idea that what they are doing might be driving you crazy,” says Neily. Approach the neighbor on neutral ground so as to not activate territorial instinct—stay near your property line, or in your building’s hallway. Aim for the weekend when you’re both relaxed and simply explain the dilemma using the first person. “Keep it on the ‘I’, as in ‘I’m having a hard time sleeping with the volume of your music,’ ” Neily says. “Starting sentences with ‘you’ feels like lecturing and puts people on the defensive.” She says it may sound backward, but to get your point across, don’t talk too much. “After you give your ‘I’ statement, stop, listen to what they have to say. The more you respectfully listen, the better chance you have of communicating your version of the scenario.” And even if you have to bite your lip, try to end the discussion cordially.\nHow to coexist happily ever after with neighbors\nGiven mankind’s track record, peaceful coexistence on a mass scale may be a pipe dream, but basic neighborly living certainly isn’t. Just plant your garden, nourish the roots, and reap the rewards. And should complications arise, remember the art of neighboring: Settle your mind and evaluate the problem. If necessary, engage the neighbor at an appropriate place and time, using a first-person, non-accusatory tone. Treat the issue as a misunderstanding, not an act of war. Listen to their response, don’t interrupt, and conclude on a positive note. That is, unless you live next to an unstable shut-in convinced she’s doing the Lord’s work by scattering broken glass in your children’s sandbox. At that point you might want to tell the kids\nFinding Nemo\nis on, lock the doors, and give the cops a call.","attrs_markdown":"[Skip to main content](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/gentlemans-guide-dealing-bad-neighbors#main-content)\n\n2026 Travel Awards\n\n[Your Blueprint for Adventure](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/travel\/travel-awards)\n\nNewsletter\n\nSign in\n\n[![](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/.image\/NDI6MDAwMDAwMDAwOTI1NjUz\/mj_white.svg?io=1&profile=w256)](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/)\n\n[![](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/.image\/NDI6MDAwMDAwMDAwOTI1NjUz\/mj_white.svg?io=1&profile=w256)](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/)\n\n- [Gear](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/gear\/)\n- [FITNESS](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/)\n  FITNESS\n  \n  [All FITNESS](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/)[Ab Workouts](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/workouts\/ab-workouts\/)[Arm Workouts](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/workouts\/arm-workouts\/)[Chest Workouts](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/workouts\/chest-workouts\/)[Leg Workouts](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/workouts\/leg-workouts\/)[Total Body Workouts](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/workouts\/total-body-workouts\/)\n  \n  [View post: Why Your 'Normal' Lab Results May Not Be Optimal for Longevity, According to a Doctor](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/why-your-normal-lab-results-may-not-be-optimal-for-longevity-according-to-a-doctor)![Why Your 'Normal' Lab Results May Not Be Optimal for Longevity, According to a Doctor](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/.image\/NDI6MDAwMDAwMDAxMTU2OTU2\/black-man-having-blood-drawn-phlebotomy-in-hospital.jpg?io=1&profile=w256&ar=1-1)\n  \n  [Why Your 'Normal' Lab Results May Not Be Optimal for Longevity, According to a Doctor](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/why-your-normal-lab-results-may-not-be-optimal-for-longevity-according-to-a-doctor)\n  \n  Read More\n  \n  [View post: NBA Star Opens Up About Brutal Shingles Battle](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/news\/nba-star-tyrese-haliburton-opens-up-about-painful-shingles-battle)![NBA Star Opens Up About Brutal Shingles Battle](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/.image\/NDI6MDAwMDAwMDAxMTU3MDY3\/cleveland-ohio-april-05-tyrese-haliburton-0-of-the-indiana-pacers-practices-before-the-game-against-the-cleveland-cavaliers-at-rocket-arena-on-april-05-2026-in-cleveland-ohio-note-to-user-user-express.jpg?io=1&profile=w256&ar=1-1)\n  \n  [NBA Star Opens Up About Brutal Shingles Battle](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/news\/nba-star-tyrese-haliburton-opens-up-about-painful-shingles-battle)\n  \n  Read More\n  \n  [View post: This \\$130 Weightlifting Shoe Just Beat the Ultra-Expensive Competition](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/rad-r-1-review)![This \\$130 Weightlifting Shoe Just Beat the Ultra-Expensive Competition](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/.image\/NDI6MDAwMDAwMDAxMTU2ODkw\/r-a-d-r-1.png?io=1&profile=w256&ar=1-1)\n  \n  [This \\$130 Weightlifting Shoe Just Beat the Ultra-Expensive Competition](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/rad-r-1-review)\n  \n  Read More\n- [Entertainment](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/entertainment\/)\n  Entertainment\n  \n  [All Entertainment](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/entertainment\/)[TV](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/entertainment\/tv\/)[Movies](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/entertainment\/movies\/)[Celebrities](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/entertainment\/celebrities\/)\n  \n  [View post: Juliano Valdi Sounds Like a Young Jackson in ‘Michael’, But Is Valdi Really Singing?](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/news\/juliano-valdi-sounds-like-young-jackson-in-michael-but-is-valdi-really-singing)![Juliano Valdi Sounds Like a Young Jackson in ‘Michael’, But Is Valdi Really Singing?](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/.image\/NDI6MDAwMDAwMDAxMTU3NTc2\/universal-pictures-presents-the-michael-global-fan-celebration-in-berlin-germany.jpg?io=1&profile=w256&ar=1-1)\n  \n  [Juliano Valdi Sounds Like a Young Jackson in ‘Michael’, But Is Valdi Really Singing?](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/news\/juliano-valdi-sounds-like-young-jackson-in-michael-but-is-valdi-really-singing)\n  \n  Read More\n- [Food](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/food\/)\n- [Drink](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/drink\/)\n  Drink\n  \n  [All Drink](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/drink\/)[Whiskey](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/drink\/whiskey\/)[Beer](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/drink\/beer\/)[Liquor](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/drink\/liquor\/)\n  \n  [View post: Patrón Just Dropped Its Boldest and Best Tequila Yet. 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[Health & Fitness](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/)\n\n# The gentleman's guide to dealing with bad neighbors\nYou want to build relationships based on mutual respect—but that’s sometimes easier said than done. Here’s what to do should drama come knocking.\n\nJun 28, 2018 4:51 PM EDT\n\nBy [Jonathan Rowe](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/author\/jonathan-rowe)\n\n0\n\n[Add us on](https:\/\/www.google.com\/preferences\/source?q=mensjournal.com)\n\n![Dog Barking Loudly](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/.image\/MTk2MTM3MDM4NTgzMTEzMjIx\/dog-barking-loud-neighbor-1280.jpg?io=1&profile=w2560&ar=16-9)\n\nShutterstock\n\nRelated Articles\n\n[View post: Why Your 'Normal' Lab Results May Not Be Optimal for Longevity, According to a Doctor](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/why-your-normal-lab-results-may-not-be-optimal-for-longevity-according-to-a-doctor)![](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/.image\/NDI6MDAwMDAwMDAxMTU2OTU2\/black-man-having-blood-drawn-phlebotomy-in-hospital.jpg?io=1&profile=w256&ar=1-1)\n\nHealth & Fitness\n\n[Why Your 'Normal' Lab Results May Not Be Optimal for Longevity, According to a Doctor](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/why-your-normal-lab-results-may-not-be-optimal-for-longevity-according-to-a-doctor)\n\nKelsey Kryger\n\n[View post: This \\$130 Weightlifting Shoe Just Beat the Ultra-Expensive Competition](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/rad-r-1-review)![](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/.image\/NDI6MDAwMDAwMDAxMTU2ODkw\/r-a-d-r-1.png?io=1&profile=w256&ar=1-1)\n\nHealth & Fitness\n\n[This \\$130 Weightlifting Shoe Just Beat the Ultra-Expensive Competition](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/rad-r-1-review)\n\nJarrod Nobbe\n\n[View post: This 10-Minute Habit Is the Simplest Way to Improve Heart Rate Variability and Boost Longevity After 40r](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/this-10-minute-habit-is-the-simplest-way-to-improve-heart-rate-variability-and-boost-longevity-after-40)![](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/.image\/NDI6MDAwMDAwMDAxMTU2NTkx\/man-using-smartwatch-before-starting-kettlebell-workout-in-the-morning.jpg?io=1&profile=w256&ar=1-1)\n\nHealth & Fitness\n\n[This 10-Minute Habit Is the Simplest Way to Improve Heart Rate Variability and Boost Longevity After 40r](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/this-10-minute-habit-is-the-simplest-way-to-improve-heart-rate-variability-and-boost-longevity-after-40)\n\nKelsey Kryger\n\n[View post: We Tested the Best Adjustable Dumbbells on the Market. This Classic Model Is Still the Most User-Friendly Set You Can Buy](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/bowflex-selecttech-552-dumbbell-review)![](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/.image\/NDI6MDAwMDAwMDAxMTQ5OTIx\/bowflex-selecttech-552-dumbbells-header.jpg?io=1&profile=w256&ar=1-1)\n\nHealth & Fitness\n\n[We Tested the Best Adjustable Dumbbells on the Market. This Classic Model Is Still the Most User-Friendly Set You Can Buy](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/bowflex-selecttech-552-dumbbell-review)\n\nJoe Wuebben\n\nIt’s 9 p.m. in Brooklyn, and my upstairs neighbor’s Lab retriever is running wall-to-wall sprints worthy of the NFL combine. Across the hall, a young couple is laughing hysterically and smoking something funky. And the Italian seniors next door are having sex and playing the Righteous Brothers so loud, I’ve definitely lost that loving feeling.\n\nThe good news is, the dog dash is always brief, the sky-high lovebirds let me borrow their drill, and the oldies fans tire easily—so, all in all, they’re good neighbors, which can be a rarity in New York City.\n\nBut I’ve definitely encountered some nightmare neighbors in the city—like the perpetually shoeless man who taught his three foul parrots to curse loudly for days at a time. I also spent two decades in suburbia, which was no commune, either. In third grade, a schizophrenic neighbor said God told her I was evil, and spread glass shards in our yard—a jarring experience at age 8, but in retrospect, a memorable lesson in the art of neighboring.\n\n## How to get over the fact you’re living among strangers\nYour home should be your sanctum, a safe space in an increasingly chaotic world. Yet when moving into a new home you’re likely to find yourself surrounded by strangers. In concept, it’s a pretty threatening juxtaposition. In practice, however, it’s actually something to be embraced.\n\nWe all feel this way about home, and when approached correctly, you and your neighbor can unite your protective instincts, form a sense of community, and even help each other out when needed. You don’t need to have much in common, and save for the occasional “How’s it going?” or “What’s up!” you don’t have to interact that much. You do, however, have to respect each other’s space and peace. Do this and neighboring becomes like raising a garden: Seed thoroughly at season’s start, remember to water it, and if needed, carefully address pests before they choke out your tomatoes.\n\n## How to become friendly with your neighbor\nThe art of neighboring begins with a brief introduction to establish trust and initiate a civil relationship. This intro doesn’t have to be immediate, so don’t force it. If your neighbor has an armful of groceries outside your apartment building, it might not be the best time for getting-to-know-you (though it is the perfect time to hold the door open). Remember, a great first impression goes a long way toward preventing future drama, so when the right time does present itself, put on your happy pants. Kathy Neily, a New York–based therapist who specializes in conflict resolution, recommends a classic customer service smile and solid eye contact. “If this is an Oscar-winning performance, so be it,” she says. “You don’t have to feel this generous of spirit, you just have to act like it.”\n\nFrom there on out, measured tolerance becomes the key to smooth neighboring. Easier said than done, though ultimately it does get easier, as learning to dissolve anger weakens negative reflexes to annoyances. This isn’t to say let yourself get walked on—if an annoyance threatens to affect your life, it’s time for a talk. And whether it’s your neighbor’s dog defiling your driveway or the apartment next door blasting Beyoncé at day-break, resist the urge to simply bang on your neighbor’s front door. “Stop and ask yourself: ‘How important is this?’” says Neily. “You have a right to your feelings, so voice the unedited version to yourself, then to someone who can listen without interrupting to give advice.” Once the anger subsides, should a discussion still feel necessary, plan your interaction logically.\n\n## The best way to handle a problem with your neighbor\nThough nailing a note to the offender’s door may feel satisfying, the best way to handle an issue is in person. Neily says to remember, “I’m OK. You’re OK” is the message. It’s safe to assume that your neighbor isn’t necessarily an evil, malicious person who’s out to get you, even though it may feel that way. “Most people have no idea that what they are doing might be driving you crazy,” says Neily. Approach the neighbor on neutral ground so as to not activate territorial instinct—stay near your property line, or in your building’s hallway. Aim for the weekend when you’re both relaxed and simply explain the dilemma using the first person. “Keep it on the ‘I’, as in ‘I’m having a hard time sleeping with the volume of your music,’ ” Neily says. “Starting sentences with ‘you’ feels like lecturing and puts people on the defensive.” She says it may sound backward, but to get your point across, don’t talk too much. “After you give your ‘I’ statement, stop, listen to what they have to say. The more you respectfully listen, the better chance you have of communicating your version of the scenario.” And even if you have to bite your lip, try to end the discussion cordially.\n\n## How to coexist happily ever after with neighbors\nGiven mankind’s track record, peaceful coexistence on a mass scale may be a pipe dream, but basic neighborly living certainly isn’t. Just plant your garden, nourish the roots, and reap the rewards. And should complications arise, remember the art of neighboring: Settle your mind and evaluate the problem. If necessary, engage the neighbor at an appropriate place and time, using a first-person, non-accusatory tone. Treat the issue as a misunderstanding, not an act of war. Listen to their response, don’t interrupt, and conclude on a positive note. That is, unless you live next to an unstable shut-in convinced she’s doing the Lord’s work by scattering broken glass in your children’s sandbox. At that point you might want to tell the kids *Finding Nemo* is on, lock the doors, and give the cops a call.\n\n## About the author\n## [Jonathan Rowe](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/author\/jonathan-rowe)\n\nStart the Conversation\n\n[![](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/.image\/NDI6MDAwMDAwMDAwOTI1NjUz\/mj_white.svg?io=1&profile=w256)](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/)\n***\n- [Gear](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/gear\/)\n  Gear\n  - [Amazon Deals](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/amazon)\n  - [Auto](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/drive\/)\n  - [Gear of the Week](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/gear\/best-new-gear-coolest-gadgets-week)\n  - [Gift Guides](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/gift-guides\/)\n  - [Fitness Gear](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/fitness-gear\/)\n  - [Shopping](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/shopping\/)\n  - [Amazon Deals](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/amazon)\n  - [Auto](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/drive\/)\n  - [Gear of the Week](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/gear\/best-new-gear-coolest-gadgets-week)\n  - [Gift Guides](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/gift-guides\/)\n  - [Fitness Gear](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/fitness-gear\/)\n  - [Shopping](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/shopping\/)\n- [Health & Fitness](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/health-fitness\/)\n  Health & Fitness\n  - [Celebrity Workouts](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/workouts\/celebrity-workouts\/)\n  - [Healthy Food](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/healthy-food\/)\n  - [Recipes](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/recipes\/)\n  - [Sexual Health](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/sexual-health\/)\n  - [Weight Loss](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/weight-loss\/)\n  - [Celebrity Workouts](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/workouts\/celebrity-workouts\/)\n  - [Healthy Food](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/healthy-food\/)\n  - [Recipes](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/recipes\/)\n  - [Sexual Health](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/sexual-health\/)\n  - [Weight Loss](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/weight-loss\/)\n- [Style](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/style\/)\n  Style\n  - [Jackets](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/jackets\/)\n  - [Shoes](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/shoes\/)\n  - [Watches](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/watches\/)\n  - [Men's Fashion](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/fashion\/)\n  - [Jackets](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/jackets\/)\n  - [Shoes](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/shoes\/)\n  - [Watches](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/watches\/)\n  - [Men's Fashion](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/fashion\/)\n- [Lifestyle](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/lifestyle\/)\n  Lifestyle\n  - [Bourbon](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/bourbon\/)\n  - [DIY](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/diy\/)\n  - [Men's Journal Spirits Shop](https:\/\/mensjournalspirits.com\/)\n  - [Technology](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/technology\/)\n  - [Bourbon](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/bourbon\/)\n  - [DIY](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/diy\/)\n  - [Men's Journal Spirits Shop](https:\/\/mensjournalspirits.com\/)\n  - [Technology](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/technology\/)\n- [Grooming](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/grooming\/)\n  Grooming\n  - [Cologne](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/cologne\/)\n  - [Grooming Awards](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/grooming\/mens-journal-grooming-awards)\n  - [Hair](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/hair\/)\n  - [Shaving](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/shaving\/)\n  - [Cologne](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/cologne\/)\n  - [Grooming Awards](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/grooming\/mens-journal-grooming-awards)\n  - [Hair](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/hair\/)\n  - [Shaving](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/shaving\/)\n- [Entertainment](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/entertainment\/)\n  Entertainment\n  - [Music](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/music\/)\n  - [Sports](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/sports\/)\n  - [Streaming](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/streaming\/)\n  - [Music](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/music\/)\n  - [Sports](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/sports\/)\n  - [Streaming](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/tag\/streaming\/)\n***\n- [Sitemap](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/sitemap)\n- [About Us](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/about-us\/)\n- [Editorial Policy](https:\/\/www.mensjournal.com\/editorial-policy\/)\n- [Privacy Policy](https:\/\/thearenagroup.net\/privacy-policy\/)\n- [Licensing Request](https:\/\/info.wrightsmedia.com\/the-arena-group-licensing)\n- [Terms of Use](https:\/\/thearenagroup.net\/terms-of-use\/)\n\n© 2026 The Arena Media Brands, LLC MENS JOURNAL is a registered trademark of The Arena Media Brands, LLC.","attrs_readable_markdown":"It’s 9 p.m. in Brooklyn, and my upstairs neighbor’s Lab retriever is running wall-to-wall sprints worthy of the NFL combine. Across the hall, a young couple is laughing hysterically and smoking something funky. And the Italian seniors next door are having sex and playing the Righteous Brothers so loud, I’ve definitely lost that loving feeling.\n\nThe good news is, the dog dash is always brief, the sky-high lovebirds let me borrow their drill, and the oldies fans tire easily—so, all in all, they’re good neighbors, which can be a rarity in New York City.\n\nBut I’ve definitely encountered some nightmare neighbors in the city—like the perpetually shoeless man who taught his three foul parrots to curse loudly for days at a time. I also spent two decades in suburbia, which was no commune, either. In third grade, a schizophrenic neighbor said God told her I was evil, and spread glass shards in our yard—a jarring experience at age 8, but in retrospect, a memorable lesson in the art of neighboring.\n\n## How to get over the fact you’re living among strangers\nYour home should be your sanctum, a safe space in an increasingly chaotic world. Yet when moving into a new home you’re likely to find yourself surrounded by strangers. In concept, it’s a pretty threatening juxtaposition. In practice, however, it’s actually something to be embraced.\n\nWe all feel this way about home, and when approached correctly, you and your neighbor can unite your protective instincts, form a sense of community, and even help each other out when needed. You don’t need to have much in common, and save for the occasional “How’s it going?” or “What’s up!” you don’t have to interact that much. You do, however, have to respect each other’s space and peace. Do this and neighboring becomes like raising a garden: Seed thoroughly at season’s start, remember to water it, and if needed, carefully address pests before they choke out your tomatoes.\n\n## How to become friendly with your neighbor\nThe art of neighboring begins with a brief introduction to establish trust and initiate a civil relationship. This intro doesn’t have to be immediate, so don’t force it. If your neighbor has an armful of groceries outside your apartment building, it might not be the best time for getting-to-know-you (though it is the perfect time to hold the door open). Remember, a great first impression goes a long way toward preventing future drama, so when the right time does present itself, put on your happy pants. Kathy Neily, a New York–based therapist who specializes in conflict resolution, recommends a classic customer service smile and solid eye contact. “If this is an Oscar-winning performance, so be it,” she says. “You don’t have to feel this generous of spirit, you just have to act like it.”\n\nFrom there on out, measured tolerance becomes the key to smooth neighboring. Easier said than done, though ultimately it does get easier, as learning to dissolve anger weakens negative reflexes to annoyances. This isn’t to say let yourself get walked on—if an annoyance threatens to affect your life, it’s time for a talk. And whether it’s your neighbor’s dog defiling your driveway or the apartment next door blasting Beyoncé at day-break, resist the urge to simply bang on your neighbor’s front door. “Stop and ask yourself: ‘How important is this?’” says Neily. “You have a right to your feelings, so voice the unedited version to yourself, then to someone who can listen without interrupting to give advice.” Once the anger subsides, should a discussion still feel necessary, plan your interaction logically.\n\n## The best way to handle a problem with your neighbor\nThough nailing a note to the offender’s door may feel satisfying, the best way to handle an issue is in person. Neily says to remember, “I’m OK. You’re OK” is the message. It’s safe to assume that your neighbor isn’t necessarily an evil, malicious person who’s out to get you, even though it may feel that way. “Most people have no idea that what they are doing might be driving you crazy,” says Neily. Approach the neighbor on neutral ground so as to not activate territorial instinct—stay near your property line, or in your building’s hallway. Aim for the weekend when you’re both relaxed and simply explain the dilemma using the first person. “Keep it on the ‘I’, as in ‘I’m having a hard time sleeping with the volume of your music,’ ” Neily says. “Starting sentences with ‘you’ feels like lecturing and puts people on the defensive.” She says it may sound backward, but to get your point across, don’t talk too much. “After you give your ‘I’ statement, stop, listen to what they have to say. The more you respectfully listen, the better chance you have of communicating your version of the scenario.” And even if you have to bite your lip, try to end the discussion cordially.\n\n## How to coexist happily ever after with neighbors\nGiven mankind’s track record, peaceful coexistence on a mass scale may be a pipe dream, but basic neighborly living certainly isn’t. Just plant your garden, nourish the roots, and reap the rewards. And should complications arise, remember the art of neighboring: Settle your mind and evaluate the problem. If necessary, engage the neighbor at an appropriate place and time, using a first-person, non-accusatory tone. Treat the issue as a misunderstanding, not an act of war. Listen to their response, don’t interrupt, and conclude on a positive note. That is, unless you live next to an unstable shut-in convinced she’s doing the Lord’s work by scattering broken glass in your children’s sandbox. At that point you might want to tell the kids *Finding Nemo* is on, lock the doors, and give the cops a call.","meta_canonical":null,"ml_categories_json":"{\"\/People_and_Society\":960,\"\/People_and_Society\/Family_and_Relationships\":706,\"\/People_and_Society\/Family_and_Relationships\/Troubled_Relationships\":391}","ml_types_json":"{\"\/Article\":999,\"\/Article\/How_to\":536}","ml_intent_types_json":"{\"Informational\":999}","meta_language":"en","attrs_author":"Jonathan Rowe","attrs_publish_time":1530219097,"attrs_original_publish_time":1530219097,"attrs_is_republished":0,"attrs_nr_words":"1613","attrs_boilerpipe_nr_words":"959","body_ext_links_number":13,"body_int_links_number":85,"meta_nofollow":0,"meta_noarchive":0,"props_was_rendered":0,"src_redirect":"","download_time_msec":419,"download_ttfb_msec":411,"download_size":167278}

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The gentleman's guide to dealing with bad neighbors - Men's Journal

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You want to build relationships based on mutual respect—but that’s sometimes easier said than done. Here’s what to do should drama come knocking.

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It’s 9 p.m. in Brooklyn, and my upstairs neighbor’s Lab retriever is running wall-to-wall sprints worthy of the NFL combine. Across the hall, a young couple is laughing hysterically and smoking something funky. And the Italian seniors next door are having sex and playing the Righteous Brothers so loud, I’ve definitely lost that loving feeling. The good news is, the dog dash is always brief, the sky-high lovebirds let me borrow their drill, and the oldies fans tire easily—so, all in all, they’re good neighbors, which can be a rarity in New York City. But I’ve definitely encountered some nightmare neighbors in the city—like the perpetually shoeless man who taught his three foul parrots to curse loudly for days at a time. I also spent two decades in suburbia, which was no commune, either. In third grade, a schizophrenic neighbor said God told her I was evil, and spread glass shards in our yard—a jarring experience at age 8, but in retrospect, a memorable lesson in the art of neighboring. How to get over the fact you’re living among strangers Your home should be your sanctum, a safe space in an increasingly chaotic world. Yet when moving into a new home you’re likely to find yourself surrounded by strangers. In concept, it’s a pretty threatening juxtaposition. In practice, however, it’s actually something to be embraced. We all feel this way about home, and when approached correctly, you and your neighbor can unite your protective instincts, form a sense of community, and even help each other out when needed. You don’t need to have much in common, and save for the occasional “How’s it going?” or “What’s up!” you don’t have to interact that much. You do, however, have to respect each other’s space and peace. Do this and neighboring becomes like raising a garden: Seed thoroughly at season’s start, remember to water it, and if needed, carefully address pests before they choke out your tomatoes. How to become friendly with your neighbor The art of neighboring begins with a brief introduction to establish trust and initiate a civil relationship. This intro doesn’t have to be immediate, so don’t force it. If your neighbor has an armful of groceries outside your apartment building, it might not be the best time for getting-to-know-you (though it is the perfect time to hold the door open). Remember, a great first impression goes a long way toward preventing future drama, so when the right time does present itself, put on your happy pants. Kathy Neily, a New York–based therapist who specializes in conflict resolution, recommends a classic customer service smile and solid eye contact. “If this is an Oscar-winning performance, so be it,” she says. “You don’t have to feel this generous of spirit, you just have to act like it.” From there on out, measured tolerance becomes the key to smooth neighboring. Easier said than done, though ultimately it does get easier, as learning to dissolve anger weakens negative reflexes to annoyances. This isn’t to say let yourself get walked on—if an annoyance threatens to affect your life, it’s time for a talk. And whether it’s your neighbor’s dog defiling your driveway or the apartment next door blasting Beyoncé at day-break, resist the urge to simply bang on your neighbor’s front door. “Stop and ask yourself: ‘How important is this?’” says Neily. “You have a right to your feelings, so voice the unedited version to yourself, then to someone who can listen without interrupting to give advice.” Once the anger subsides, should a discussion still feel necessary, plan your interaction logically. The best way to handle a problem with your neighbor Though nailing a note to the offender’s door may feel satisfying, the best way to handle an issue is in person. Neily says to remember, “I’m OK. You’re OK” is the message. It’s safe to assume that your neighbor isn’t necessarily an evil, malicious person who’s out to get you, even though it may feel that way. “Most people have no idea that what they are doing might be driving you crazy,” says Neily. Approach the neighbor on neutral ground so as to not activate territorial instinct—stay near your property line, or in your building’s hallway. Aim for the weekend when you’re both relaxed and simply explain the dilemma using the first person. “Keep it on the ‘I’, as in ‘I’m having a hard time sleeping with the volume of your music,’ ” Neily says. “Starting sentences with ‘you’ feels like lecturing and puts people on the defensive.” She says it may sound backward, but to get your point across, don’t talk too much. “After you give your ‘I’ statement, stop, listen to what they have to say. The more you respectfully listen, the better chance you have of communicating your version of the scenario.” And even if you have to bite your lip, try to end the discussion cordially. How to coexist happily ever after with neighbors Given mankind’s track record, peaceful coexistence on a mass scale may be a pipe dream, but basic neighborly living certainly isn’t. Just plant your garden, nourish the roots, and reap the rewards. And should complications arise, remember the art of neighboring: Settle your mind and evaluate the problem. If necessary, engage the neighbor at an appropriate place and time, using a first-person, non-accusatory tone. Treat the issue as a misunderstanding, not an act of war. Listen to their response, don’t interrupt, and conclude on a positive note. That is, unless you live next to an unstable shut-in convinced she’s doing the Lord’s work by scattering broken glass in your children’s sandbox. At that point you might want to tell the kids Finding Nemo is on, lock the doors, and give the cops a call.

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[Health & Fitness](https://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/) # The gentleman's guide to dealing with bad neighbors You want to build relationships based on mutual respect—but that’s sometimes easier said than done. Here’s what to do should drama come knocking. Jun 28, 2018 4:51 PM EDT By [Jonathan Rowe](https://www.mensjournal.com/author/jonathan-rowe) 0 [Add us on](https://www.google.com/preferences/source?q=mensjournal.com) ![Dog Barking Loudly](https://www.mensjournal.com/.image/MTk2MTM3MDM4NTgzMTEzMjIx/dog-barking-loud-neighbor-1280.jpg?io=1&profile=w2560&ar=16-9) Shutterstock Related Articles [View post: Why Your 'Normal' Lab Results May Not Be Optimal for Longevity, According to a Doctor](https://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/why-your-normal-lab-results-may-not-be-optimal-for-longevity-according-to-a-doctor)![](https://www.mensjournal.com/.image/NDI6MDAwMDAwMDAxMTU2OTU2/black-man-having-blood-drawn-phlebotomy-in-hospital.jpg?io=1&profile=w256&ar=1-1) Health & Fitness [Why Your 'Normal' Lab Results May Not Be Optimal for Longevity, According to a Doctor](https://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/why-your-normal-lab-results-may-not-be-optimal-for-longevity-according-to-a-doctor) Kelsey Kryger [View post: This \$130 Weightlifting Shoe Just Beat the Ultra-Expensive Competition](https://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/rad-r-1-review)![](https://www.mensjournal.com/.image/NDI6MDAwMDAwMDAxMTU2ODkw/r-a-d-r-1.png?io=1&profile=w256&ar=1-1) Health & Fitness [This \$130 Weightlifting Shoe Just Beat the Ultra-Expensive Competition](https://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/rad-r-1-review) Jarrod Nobbe [View post: This 10-Minute Habit Is the Simplest Way to Improve Heart Rate Variability and Boost Longevity After 40r](https://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/this-10-minute-habit-is-the-simplest-way-to-improve-heart-rate-variability-and-boost-longevity-after-40)![](https://www.mensjournal.com/.image/NDI6MDAwMDAwMDAxMTU2NTkx/man-using-smartwatch-before-starting-kettlebell-workout-in-the-morning.jpg?io=1&profile=w256&ar=1-1) Health & Fitness [This 10-Minute Habit Is the Simplest Way to Improve Heart Rate Variability and Boost Longevity After 40r](https://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/this-10-minute-habit-is-the-simplest-way-to-improve-heart-rate-variability-and-boost-longevity-after-40) Kelsey Kryger [View post: We Tested the Best Adjustable Dumbbells on the Market. This Classic Model Is Still the Most User-Friendly Set You Can Buy](https://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/bowflex-selecttech-552-dumbbell-review)![](https://www.mensjournal.com/.image/NDI6MDAwMDAwMDAxMTQ5OTIx/bowflex-selecttech-552-dumbbells-header.jpg?io=1&profile=w256&ar=1-1) Health & Fitness [We Tested the Best Adjustable Dumbbells on the Market. This Classic Model Is Still the Most User-Friendly Set You Can Buy](https://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/bowflex-selecttech-552-dumbbell-review) Joe Wuebben It’s 9 p.m. in Brooklyn, and my upstairs neighbor’s Lab retriever is running wall-to-wall sprints worthy of the NFL combine. Across the hall, a young couple is laughing hysterically and smoking something funky. And the Italian seniors next door are having sex and playing the Righteous Brothers so loud, I’ve definitely lost that loving feeling. The good news is, the dog dash is always brief, the sky-high lovebirds let me borrow their drill, and the oldies fans tire easily—so, all in all, they’re good neighbors, which can be a rarity in New York City. But I’ve definitely encountered some nightmare neighbors in the city—like the perpetually shoeless man who taught his three foul parrots to curse loudly for days at a time. I also spent two decades in suburbia, which was no commune, either. In third grade, a schizophrenic neighbor said God told her I was evil, and spread glass shards in our yard—a jarring experience at age 8, but in retrospect, a memorable lesson in the art of neighboring. ## How to get over the fact you’re living among strangers Your home should be your sanctum, a safe space in an increasingly chaotic world. Yet when moving into a new home you’re likely to find yourself surrounded by strangers. In concept, it’s a pretty threatening juxtaposition. In practice, however, it’s actually something to be embraced. We all feel this way about home, and when approached correctly, you and your neighbor can unite your protective instincts, form a sense of community, and even help each other out when needed. You don’t need to have much in common, and save for the occasional “How’s it going?” or “What’s up!” you don’t have to interact that much. You do, however, have to respect each other’s space and peace. Do this and neighboring becomes like raising a garden: Seed thoroughly at season’s start, remember to water it, and if needed, carefully address pests before they choke out your tomatoes. ## How to become friendly with your neighbor The art of neighboring begins with a brief introduction to establish trust and initiate a civil relationship. This intro doesn’t have to be immediate, so don’t force it. If your neighbor has an armful of groceries outside your apartment building, it might not be the best time for getting-to-know-you (though it is the perfect time to hold the door open). Remember, a great first impression goes a long way toward preventing future drama, so when the right time does present itself, put on your happy pants. Kathy Neily, a New York–based therapist who specializes in conflict resolution, recommends a classic customer service smile and solid eye contact. “If this is an Oscar-winning performance, so be it,” she says. “You don’t have to feel this generous of spirit, you just have to act like it.” From there on out, measured tolerance becomes the key to smooth neighboring. Easier said than done, though ultimately it does get easier, as learning to dissolve anger weakens negative reflexes to annoyances. This isn’t to say let yourself get walked on—if an annoyance threatens to affect your life, it’s time for a talk. And whether it’s your neighbor’s dog defiling your driveway or the apartment next door blasting Beyoncé at day-break, resist the urge to simply bang on your neighbor’s front door. “Stop and ask yourself: ‘How important is this?’” says Neily. “You have a right to your feelings, so voice the unedited version to yourself, then to someone who can listen without interrupting to give advice.” Once the anger subsides, should a discussion still feel necessary, plan your interaction logically. ## The best way to handle a problem with your neighbor Though nailing a note to the offender’s door may feel satisfying, the best way to handle an issue is in person. Neily says to remember, “I’m OK. You’re OK” is the message. It’s safe to assume that your neighbor isn’t necessarily an evil, malicious person who’s out to get you, even though it may feel that way. “Most people have no idea that what they are doing might be driving you crazy,” says Neily. Approach the neighbor on neutral ground so as to not activate territorial instinct—stay near your property line, or in your building’s hallway. Aim for the weekend when you’re both relaxed and simply explain the dilemma using the first person. “Keep it on the ‘I’, as in ‘I’m having a hard time sleeping with the volume of your music,’ ” Neily says. “Starting sentences with ‘you’ feels like lecturing and puts people on the defensive.” She says it may sound backward, but to get your point across, don’t talk too much. “After you give your ‘I’ statement, stop, listen to what they have to say. The more you respectfully listen, the better chance you have of communicating your version of the scenario.” And even if you have to bite your lip, try to end the discussion cordially. ## How to coexist happily ever after with neighbors Given mankind’s track record, peaceful coexistence on a mass scale may be a pipe dream, but basic neighborly living certainly isn’t. Just plant your garden, nourish the roots, and reap the rewards. And should complications arise, remember the art of neighboring: Settle your mind and evaluate the problem. If necessary, engage the neighbor at an appropriate place and time, using a first-person, non-accusatory tone. Treat the issue as a misunderstanding, not an act of war. Listen to their response, don’t interrupt, and conclude on a positive note. That is, unless you live next to an unstable shut-in convinced she’s doing the Lord’s work by scattering broken glass in your children’s sandbox. At that point you might want to tell the kids *Finding Nemo* is on, lock the doors, and give the cops a call. ## About the author ## [Jonathan Rowe](https://www.mensjournal.com/author/jonathan-rowe) Start the Conversation [![](https://www.mensjournal.com/.image/NDI6MDAwMDAwMDAwOTI1NjUz/mj_white.svg?io=1&profile=w256)](https://www.mensjournal.com/) *** - [Gear](https://www.mensjournal.com/gear/) Gear - [Amazon Deals](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/amazon) - [Auto](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/drive/) - [Gear of the Week](https://www.mensjournal.com/gear/best-new-gear-coolest-gadgets-week) - [Gift Guides](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/gift-guides/) - [Fitness Gear](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/fitness-gear/) - [Shopping](https://www.mensjournal.com/shopping/) - [Amazon Deals](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/amazon) - [Auto](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/drive/) - [Gear of the Week](https://www.mensjournal.com/gear/best-new-gear-coolest-gadgets-week) - [Gift Guides](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/gift-guides/) - [Fitness Gear](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/fitness-gear/) - [Shopping](https://www.mensjournal.com/shopping/) - [Health & Fitness](https://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/) Health & Fitness - [Celebrity Workouts](https://www.mensjournal.com/workouts/celebrity-workouts/) - [Healthy Food](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/healthy-food/) - [Recipes](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/recipes/) - [Sexual Health](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/sexual-health/) - [Weight Loss](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/weight-loss/) - [Celebrity Workouts](https://www.mensjournal.com/workouts/celebrity-workouts/) - [Healthy Food](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/healthy-food/) - [Recipes](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/recipes/) - [Sexual Health](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/sexual-health/) - [Weight Loss](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/weight-loss/) - [Style](https://www.mensjournal.com/style/) Style - [Jackets](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/jackets/) - [Shoes](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/shoes/) - [Watches](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/watches/) - [Men's Fashion](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/fashion/) - [Jackets](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/jackets/) - [Shoes](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/shoes/) - [Watches](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/watches/) - [Men's Fashion](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/fashion/) - [Lifestyle](https://www.mensjournal.com/lifestyle/) Lifestyle - [Bourbon](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/bourbon/) - [DIY](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/diy/) - [Men's Journal Spirits Shop](https://mensjournalspirits.com/) - [Technology](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/technology/) - [Bourbon](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/bourbon/) - [DIY](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/diy/) - [Men's Journal Spirits Shop](https://mensjournalspirits.com/) - [Technology](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/technology/) - [Grooming](https://www.mensjournal.com/grooming/) Grooming - [Cologne](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/cologne/) - [Grooming Awards](https://www.mensjournal.com/grooming/mens-journal-grooming-awards) - [Hair](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/hair/) - [Shaving](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/shaving/) - [Cologne](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/cologne/) - [Grooming Awards](https://www.mensjournal.com/grooming/mens-journal-grooming-awards) - [Hair](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/hair/) - [Shaving](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/shaving/) - [Entertainment](https://www.mensjournal.com/entertainment/) Entertainment - [Music](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/music/) - [Sports](https://www.mensjournal.com/sports/) - [Streaming](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/streaming/) - [Music](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/music/) - [Sports](https://www.mensjournal.com/sports/) - [Streaming](https://www.mensjournal.com/tag/streaming/) *** - [Sitemap](https://www.mensjournal.com/sitemap) - [About Us](https://www.mensjournal.com/about-us/) - [Editorial Policy](https://www.mensjournal.com/editorial-policy/) - [Privacy Policy](https://thearenagroup.net/privacy-policy/) - [Licensing Request](https://info.wrightsmedia.com/the-arena-group-licensing) - [Terms of Use](https://thearenagroup.net/terms-of-use/) © 2026 The Arena Media Brands, LLC MENS JOURNAL is a registered trademark of The Arena Media Brands, LLC.

Readable Markdown

It’s 9 p.m. in Brooklyn, and my upstairs neighbor’s Lab retriever is running wall-to-wall sprints worthy of the NFL combine. Across the hall, a young couple is laughing hysterically and smoking something funky. And the Italian seniors next door are having sex and playing the Righteous Brothers so loud, I’ve definitely lost that loving feeling. The good news is, the dog dash is always brief, the sky-high lovebirds let me borrow their drill, and the oldies fans tire easily—so, all in all, they’re good neighbors, which can be a rarity in New York City. But I’ve definitely encountered some nightmare neighbors in the city—like the perpetually shoeless man who taught his three foul parrots to curse loudly for days at a time. I also spent two decades in suburbia, which was no commune, either. In third grade, a schizophrenic neighbor said God told her I was evil, and spread glass shards in our yard—a jarring experience at age 8, but in retrospect, a memorable lesson in the art of neighboring. ## How to get over the fact you’re living among strangers Your home should be your sanctum, a safe space in an increasingly chaotic world. Yet when moving into a new home you’re likely to find yourself surrounded by strangers. In concept, it’s a pretty threatening juxtaposition. In practice, however, it’s actually something to be embraced. We all feel this way about home, and when approached correctly, you and your neighbor can unite your protective instincts, form a sense of community, and even help each other out when needed. You don’t need to have much in common, and save for the occasional “How’s it going?” or “What’s up!” you don’t have to interact that much. You do, however, have to respect each other’s space and peace. Do this and neighboring becomes like raising a garden: Seed thoroughly at season’s start, remember to water it, and if needed, carefully address pests before they choke out your tomatoes. ## How to become friendly with your neighbor The art of neighboring begins with a brief introduction to establish trust and initiate a civil relationship. This intro doesn’t have to be immediate, so don’t force it. If your neighbor has an armful of groceries outside your apartment building, it might not be the best time for getting-to-know-you (though it is the perfect time to hold the door open). Remember, a great first impression goes a long way toward preventing future drama, so when the right time does present itself, put on your happy pants. Kathy Neily, a New York–based therapist who specializes in conflict resolution, recommends a classic customer service smile and solid eye contact. “If this is an Oscar-winning performance, so be it,” she says. “You don’t have to feel this generous of spirit, you just have to act like it.” From there on out, measured tolerance becomes the key to smooth neighboring. Easier said than done, though ultimately it does get easier, as learning to dissolve anger weakens negative reflexes to annoyances. This isn’t to say let yourself get walked on—if an annoyance threatens to affect your life, it’s time for a talk. And whether it’s your neighbor’s dog defiling your driveway or the apartment next door blasting Beyoncé at day-break, resist the urge to simply bang on your neighbor’s front door. “Stop and ask yourself: ‘How important is this?’” says Neily. “You have a right to your feelings, so voice the unedited version to yourself, then to someone who can listen without interrupting to give advice.” Once the anger subsides, should a discussion still feel necessary, plan your interaction logically. ## The best way to handle a problem with your neighbor Though nailing a note to the offender’s door may feel satisfying, the best way to handle an issue is in person. Neily says to remember, “I’m OK. You’re OK” is the message. It’s safe to assume that your neighbor isn’t necessarily an evil, malicious person who’s out to get you, even though it may feel that way. “Most people have no idea that what they are doing might be driving you crazy,” says Neily. Approach the neighbor on neutral ground so as to not activate territorial instinct—stay near your property line, or in your building’s hallway. Aim for the weekend when you’re both relaxed and simply explain the dilemma using the first person. “Keep it on the ‘I’, as in ‘I’m having a hard time sleeping with the volume of your music,’ ” Neily says. “Starting sentences with ‘you’ feels like lecturing and puts people on the defensive.” She says it may sound backward, but to get your point across, don’t talk too much. “After you give your ‘I’ statement, stop, listen to what they have to say. The more you respectfully listen, the better chance you have of communicating your version of the scenario.” And even if you have to bite your lip, try to end the discussion cordially. ## How to coexist happily ever after with neighbors Given mankind’s track record, peaceful coexistence on a mass scale may be a pipe dream, but basic neighborly living certainly isn’t. Just plant your garden, nourish the roots, and reap the rewards. And should complications arise, remember the art of neighboring: Settle your mind and evaluate the problem. If necessary, engage the neighbor at an appropriate place and time, using a first-person, non-accusatory tone. Treat the issue as a misunderstanding, not an act of war. Listen to their response, don’t interrupt, and conclude on a positive note. That is, unless you live next to an unstable shut-in convinced she’s doing the Lord’s work by scattering broken glass in your children’s sandbox. At that point you might want to tell the kids *Finding Nemo* is on, lock the doors, and give the cops a call.

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Jonathan Rowe

Publish Time

2018-06-28 20:51:37 (7 years ago)

Original Publish Time

2018-06-28 20:51:37 (7 years ago)

Republished

Word Count (Total)

1,613

Word Count (Content)

959

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Download Time (ms)

419

TTFB (ms)

411

Download Size (bytes)

167,278

Shard

76 (laksa)

Root Hash

7471735315811538076

Unparsed URL

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