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| URL | https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2020-01-29/sandy-banks-column-kobe-bryant-daughters |
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| Meta Title | Kobe Bryant's girls are dealing with their father's sudden, untimely death. My daughters did too - Los Angeles Times |
| Meta Description | I was in the grocery store when the news landed in a text message from a friend. |
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| Boilerpipe Text | I was in the grocery store when the news landed in a text message from a friend. âKobe Bryant died in a helicopter crash in Calabasas this morning. So terribly tragic.â
His sudden death
was more than tragic; it was triggering for me.
Kobeâs girls would be growing up without a father â just as my three daughters had. Itâs a loss that transcends whatever healing the grieving process ultimately brings.
I hurried through the checkout line and made it to my car, tears blurring my vision. I knew I should be the one to break the news to my daughters, but I just sat there staring at my phone.
Would this feel as personal to them as it did to me? Would it penetrate layers of buried grief, resurrecting painful memories? Or would it simply be another heartbreaking loss of a beloved celebrity?
A phone call from my youngest daughter answered that. Sheâd been crying all morning, holed up alone in her San Francisco apartment. âItâs so not fair! What are they going to do?â she said.
I knew exactly who âtheyâ were: Kobeâs family. His wife. His three surviving girls. He was a star whose basketball prowess was legendary, but his legacy, to us at least, rests on his devotion to daughters.
My daughterâs pain was for those now-fatherless girls. Her outrage reflected the anger that her 3-year-old self could not express when her father died 26 years ago.
My husbandâs death, like Kobeâs, was utterly unexpected. I got the news from a police officer, who knocked on our door as the girls and I were making Christmas cookies and counting down the minutes until he would be home.
I gathered them around me and explained, as gently as I could, that Daddy had died, that he wouldnât be coming home, but that heâd be an angel watching us from above. That didnât comfort anyone.
Kobe Bryant and daughter Gianna after the Lakers defeated the Orlando Magic in Game Five of the 2009 NBA Finals.
(Ronald Martinez / Getty Images)
My middle daughter, just weeks from her fifth birthday, was unable to wrap her mind around what Iâd said. âBut I just made him a gingerbread man,â she told me, nonchalantly dusting the flour from her shirt. Who was going to eat that if daddy didnât come home?
My 8-year-old refused to believe the news. She covered her ears with her hands and tried to hold back her tears. âIâll be the only girl in the third grade that doesnât have a father,â she shouted.
She seemed to understand in that moment that she had been marked in a way that set her apart and might never fade. It would take years for me to acknowledge that.
I flashed back to that dreadful night, as I made the rounds of my daughters to talk about the death of Kobe and his 13-year-old Gianna, a budding superstar on the basketball court.
My middle daughter is now 31 and married to a sports fanatic whoâs just like her dad in ways that only I can see. They have a 1-year-old daughter, who wears tiny sports jerseys and sits on her fatherâs lap, shrieking and clapping through hours of basketball on TV.
Now my daughter is seeing them through the lens of Kobe and Gianna: daddy and his mini-me. Sheâs put aside her list of chores and focused on being grateful for her family.
For my youngest, now 29, the tragedy has taken her back in time, not just to the loss she suffered at 3, but to all the ways she loved Kobe. âHe was my first crush,â she told me on Sunday. In middle school, when she played basketball, he was the image she conjured up every time she set foot on the court.
More on Kobe Bryant from our columnists
My oldest is trying to hold on to the only bit of solace we can find: At least in those last terrifying moments, father and daughter had each other. But that only makes it harder for the rest of the family.
I canât bear to think about what Vanessa Bryant must be going through in this nightmarish time. I remember how scary and bewildering it felt.
Years after their father died, one of my daughters admitted that she understood when I said he was dead, âbut I didnât know that meant he would
always
be dead.â
None of us really understood what
always dead
would mean. We couldnât have imagined that our lives would be shaped in perpetuity by his absence.
My husband, like Kobe, was delighted to be the father of girls. Heâd been a three-sport athlete, the toughest kid in a family of five boys. Everyone presumed that one day heâd be coaching a son.
But his daughters were the joy of his life. They brought out a tenderness that balanced his ferocity. He coddled and cuddled them, but also encouraged them to test their limits in a way that their doting mother never would.
I imagine Kobeâs daughters softened him that same way. His relationship with them certainly helped shape the way we perceived him. The public shame of a sexual assault allegation and marital indiscretion seemed to fade as years went by and we watched him defer to his wife and dote on his daughters.
His girls, like mine, lost something irreplaceable when their father died. That loss will be etched into their psyche â as individuals and a family.
Weâve been shadowed since then by the sense that happiness is a tenuous thing. But weâve also learned to be grateful for every good thing.
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# Kobe Bryantâs girls are dealing with their fatherâs sudden, untimely death. My daughters did too

Sandy Banksâ husband, Jackie Robinson, holds Brittany while Banks holds Danielle and Alyssa. His death 26 years ago left the three daughters fatherless.
(Family photo)
By [Sandy Banks](https://www.latimes.com/people/sandy-banks)Columnist
Jan. 29, 2020 5 AM PT
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I was in the grocery store when the news landed in a text message from a friend. âKobe Bryant died in a helicopter crash in Calabasas this morning. So terribly tragic.â
[His sudden death](https://www.latimes.com/sports/lakers/story/2020-01-26/lakers-kobe-bryant-obit) was more than tragic; it was triggering for me.
Kobeâs girls would be growing up without a father â just as my three daughters had. Itâs a loss that transcends whatever healing the grieving process ultimately brings.
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I hurried through the checkout line and made it to my car, tears blurring my vision. I knew I should be the one to break the news to my daughters, but I just sat there staring at my phone.
Would this feel as personal to them as it did to me? Would it penetrate layers of buried grief, resurrecting painful memories? Or would it simply be another heartbreaking loss of a beloved celebrity?
A phone call from my youngest daughter answered that. Sheâd been crying all morning, holed up alone in her San Francisco apartment. âItâs so not fair! What are they going to do?â she said.
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I knew exactly who âtheyâ were: Kobeâs family. His wife. His three surviving girls. He was a star whose basketball prowess was legendary, but his legacy, to us at least, rests on his devotion to daughters.
[](https://www.latimes.com/sports/lakers/story/2020-01-28/kobe-bryant-devotion-family-became-paramount-basketball-career-ended)
[Lakers](https://www.latimes.com/sports/lakers)
### [Kobe Bryantâs devotion to family became paramount when his basketball career ended](https://www.latimes.com/sports/lakers/story/2020-01-28/kobe-bryant-devotion-family-became-paramount-basketball-career-ended)
Kobe Bryantâs relationship with wife, Vanessa, survived early tumult and he eventually repaired a rift with his parents. His four daughters always came first.
Jan. 28, 2020
My daughterâs pain was for those now-fatherless girls. Her outrage reflected the anger that her 3-year-old self could not express when her father died 26 years ago.
My husbandâs death, like Kobeâs, was utterly unexpected. I got the news from a police officer, who knocked on our door as the girls and I were making Christmas cookies and counting down the minutes until he would be home.
I gathered them around me and explained, as gently as I could, that Daddy had died, that he wouldnât be coming home, but that heâd be an angel watching us from above. That didnât comfort anyone.

Kobe Bryant and daughter Gianna after the Lakers defeated the Orlando Magic in Game Five of the 2009 NBA Finals.
(Ronald Martinez / Getty Images)
My middle daughter, just weeks from her fifth birthday, was unable to wrap her mind around what Iâd said. âBut I just made him a gingerbread man,â she told me, nonchalantly dusting the flour from her shirt. Who was going to eat that if daddy didnât come home?
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My 8-year-old refused to believe the news. She covered her ears with her hands and tried to hold back her tears. âIâll be the only girl in the third grade that doesnât have a father,â she shouted.
[](https://www.latimes.com/sports/lakers/story/2020-01-28/kobe-bryant-became-champion-of-womens-sports-after-career)
[Lakers](https://www.latimes.com/sports/lakers)
### [Kobe Bryant became champion of womenâs sports after career](https://www.latimes.com/sports/lakers/story/2020-01-28/kobe-bryant-became-champion-of-womens-sports-after-career)
After his Lakers career, Kobe Bryant became a huge advocate for womenâs basketball. His passion for the game was considered genuine.
Jan. 28, 2020
She seemed to understand in that moment that she had been marked in a way that set her apart and might never fade. It would take years for me to acknowledge that.
I flashed back to that dreadful night, as I made the rounds of my daughters to talk about the death of Kobe and his 13-year-old Gianna, a budding superstar on the basketball court.
My middle daughter is now 31 and married to a sports fanatic whoâs just like her dad in ways that only I can see. They have a 1-year-old daughter, who wears tiny sports jerseys and sits on her fatherâs lap, shrieking and clapping through hours of basketball on TV.
Now my daughter is seeing them through the lens of Kobe and Gianna: daddy and his mini-me. Sheâs put aside her list of chores and focused on being grateful for her family.
[](https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2020-01-27/kobe-bryant-helicopter-crash-victims)
[California](https://www.latimes.com/california)
### [Mothers, fathers, daughters, coaches: Here are the 9 killed in the Kobe Bryant helicopter crash](https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2020-01-27/kobe-bryant-helicopter-crash-victims)
Nine people, including Kobe Bryant, were killed when a helicopter crashed and burst into flames in Calabasas.
Jan. 28, 2020
For my youngest, now 29, the tragedy has taken her back in time, not just to the loss she suffered at 3, but to all the ways she loved Kobe. âHe was my first crush,â she told me on Sunday. In middle school, when she played basketball, he was the image she conjured up every time she set foot on the court.
Advertisement
More on Kobe Bryant from our columnists
- [Markazi: Kobe Bryant shared a special bond with daughter Gianna over the game they loved](https://www.latimes.com/sports/lakers/story/2020-01-26/kobe-bryant-daughter-gianna-basketball-crash-death)
- [Plaschke: How can Kobe Bryant be gone? His legend wasnât supposed to end this way](https://www.latimes.com/sports/lakers/story/2020-01-26/bill-plaschke-column-on-kobe-bryant)
- [McNamara: For my 13-year-old basketball player, Gianna Bryantâs death was a bigger blow than Kobeâs](https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/story/2020-01-27/gianna-bryant-death-tough-on-teen-basketball-player)
My oldest is trying to hold on to the only bit of solace we can find: At least in those last terrifying moments, father and daughter had each other. But that only makes it harder for the rest of the family.
I canât bear to think about what Vanessa Bryant must be going through in this nightmarish time. I remember how scary and bewildering it felt.
Years after their father died, one of my daughters admitted that she understood when I said he was dead, âbut I didnât know that meant he would *always* be dead.â
None of us really understood what *always dead* would mean. We couldnât have imagined that our lives would be shaped in perpetuity by his absence.
[](https://www.latimes.com/sports/story/2020-01-26/complete-coverage-kobe-bryant-daughter-gianna-among-9-dead-in-helicopter-crash)
[Sports](https://www.latimes.com/sports)
### [Complete coverage: Kobe Bryant, daughter Gianna among 9 dead in helicopter crash](https://www.latimes.com/sports/story/2020-01-26/complete-coverage-kobe-bryant-daughter-gianna-among-9-dead-in-helicopter-crash)
Complete coverage of the death of Kobe Bryant, his daughter, Gianna, and seven others in a helicopter crash.
Jan. 26, 2020
My husband, like Kobe, was delighted to be the father of girls. Heâd been a three-sport athlete, the toughest kid in a family of five boys. Everyone presumed that one day heâd be coaching a son.
But his daughters were the joy of his life. They brought out a tenderness that balanced his ferocity. He coddled and cuddled them, but also encouraged them to test their limits in a way that their doting mother never would.
I imagine Kobeâs daughters softened him that same way. His relationship with them certainly helped shape the way we perceived him. The public shame of a sexual assault allegation and marital indiscretion seemed to fade as years went by and we watched him defer to his wife and dote on his daughters.
Advertisement
His girls, like mine, lost something irreplaceable when their father died. That loss will be etched into their psyche â as individuals and a family.
Weâve been shadowed since then by the sense that happiness is a tenuous thing. But weâve also learned to be grateful for every good thing.
### More to Read
- [](https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2020-01-28/kobe-bryant-orange-county)
### [In Orange County, Kobe Bryant grew from basketballâs enfant terrible into a âtypical dadâ](https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2020-01-28/kobe-bryant-orange-county)
Jan. 28, 2020
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### [How Los Angeles is remembering Kobe Bryant](https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2020-02-23/kobe-bryant-memorial)
Feb. 23, 2020
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During more than three decades at the Los Angeles Times, Sandy Banks has served as reporter, editor, editorial writer and internship director. But sheâs best known for her personal columns, which focused on private lives, public policy and people who inspire and infuriate us. A Cleveland native, Banks has three grown daughters and lives in Northridge.
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| Readable Markdown | I was in the grocery store when the news landed in a text message from a friend. âKobe Bryant died in a helicopter crash in Calabasas this morning. So terribly tragic.â
[His sudden death](https://www.latimes.com/sports/lakers/story/2020-01-26/lakers-kobe-bryant-obit) was more than tragic; it was triggering for me.
Kobeâs girls would be growing up without a father â just as my three daughters had. Itâs a loss that transcends whatever healing the grieving process ultimately brings.
I hurried through the checkout line and made it to my car, tears blurring my vision. I knew I should be the one to break the news to my daughters, but I just sat there staring at my phone.
Would this feel as personal to them as it did to me? Would it penetrate layers of buried grief, resurrecting painful memories? Or would it simply be another heartbreaking loss of a beloved celebrity?
A phone call from my youngest daughter answered that. Sheâd been crying all morning, holed up alone in her San Francisco apartment. âItâs so not fair! What are they going to do?â she said.
I knew exactly who âtheyâ were: Kobeâs family. His wife. His three surviving girls. He was a star whose basketball prowess was legendary, but his legacy, to us at least, rests on his devotion to daughters.
My daughterâs pain was for those now-fatherless girls. Her outrage reflected the anger that her 3-year-old self could not express when her father died 26 years ago.
My husbandâs death, like Kobeâs, was utterly unexpected. I got the news from a police officer, who knocked on our door as the girls and I were making Christmas cookies and counting down the minutes until he would be home.
I gathered them around me and explained, as gently as I could, that Daddy had died, that he wouldnât be coming home, but that heâd be an angel watching us from above. That didnât comfort anyone.

Kobe Bryant and daughter Gianna after the Lakers defeated the Orlando Magic in Game Five of the 2009 NBA Finals.
(Ronald Martinez / Getty Images)
My middle daughter, just weeks from her fifth birthday, was unable to wrap her mind around what Iâd said. âBut I just made him a gingerbread man,â she told me, nonchalantly dusting the flour from her shirt. Who was going to eat that if daddy didnât come home?
My 8-year-old refused to believe the news. She covered her ears with her hands and tried to hold back her tears. âIâll be the only girl in the third grade that doesnât have a father,â she shouted.
She seemed to understand in that moment that she had been marked in a way that set her apart and might never fade. It would take years for me to acknowledge that.
I flashed back to that dreadful night, as I made the rounds of my daughters to talk about the death of Kobe and his 13-year-old Gianna, a budding superstar on the basketball court.
My middle daughter is now 31 and married to a sports fanatic whoâs just like her dad in ways that only I can see. They have a 1-year-old daughter, who wears tiny sports jerseys and sits on her fatherâs lap, shrieking and clapping through hours of basketball on TV.
Now my daughter is seeing them through the lens of Kobe and Gianna: daddy and his mini-me. Sheâs put aside her list of chores and focused on being grateful for her family.
For my youngest, now 29, the tragedy has taken her back in time, not just to the loss she suffered at 3, but to all the ways she loved Kobe. âHe was my first crush,â she told me on Sunday. In middle school, when she played basketball, he was the image she conjured up every time she set foot on the court.
More on Kobe Bryant from our columnists
My oldest is trying to hold on to the only bit of solace we can find: At least in those last terrifying moments, father and daughter had each other. But that only makes it harder for the rest of the family.
I canât bear to think about what Vanessa Bryant must be going through in this nightmarish time. I remember how scary and bewildering it felt.
Years after their father died, one of my daughters admitted that she understood when I said he was dead, âbut I didnât know that meant he would *always* be dead.â
None of us really understood what *always dead* would mean. We couldnât have imagined that our lives would be shaped in perpetuity by his absence.
My husband, like Kobe, was delighted to be the father of girls. Heâd been a three-sport athlete, the toughest kid in a family of five boys. Everyone presumed that one day heâd be coaching a son.
But his daughters were the joy of his life. They brought out a tenderness that balanced his ferocity. He coddled and cuddled them, but also encouraged them to test their limits in a way that their doting mother never would.
I imagine Kobeâs daughters softened him that same way. His relationship with them certainly helped shape the way we perceived him. The public shame of a sexual assault allegation and marital indiscretion seemed to fade as years went by and we watched him defer to his wife and dote on his daughters.
His girls, like mine, lost something irreplaceable when their father died. That loss will be etched into their psyche â as individuals and a family.
Weâve been shadowed since then by the sense that happiness is a tenuous thing. But weâve also learned to be grateful for every good thing.
More to Read |
| Shard | 25 (laksa) |
| Root Hash | 7344800029135033825 |
| Unparsed URL | com,latimes!www,/california/story/2020-01-29/sandy-banks-column-kobe-bryant-daughters s443 |