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| Meta Title | Lead with Your Life: How to Influence in Your Twenties | Desiring God |
| Meta Description | When the Bible talks about setting an example, does it mean only super-Christians? No, even the humblest high-school mentor can make the right mark. |
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| Boilerpipe Text | My breakout session is about just one verse:
Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. (1 Timothy 4:12)
Before I get to the verse, though, I want to tell you about Bryan. As I was getting ready to fly here and preparing what I wanted to say to you, I started thinking about Bryan for a couple reasons. First, because he now lives and pastors right down the road here in Louisville, and I don’t get to see him as often as I’d like to. The second reason I thought of him was because he was about your age when he changed my life.
I met Bryan when I was fourteen, the summer before my freshman year in high school. Bryan was two years ahead of me, so he was a junior — and that pretty much made him a celebrity in my eyes. He had a car. He was funny and super smart. He had lots of friends. Most importantly, he was ridiculously good at ping pong. (That matters at fourteen.) And, for whatever reason, he wanted to hang out with a freshman like me.
I won’t tell you everything I admired about Bryan, but here are some things I still remember about him, even twenty years later:
When my other guy friends were practicing their profanity and making fun of each other all the time, he didn’t tear people down. No, he used his words to
encourage
me through the ups and downs of high school.
Bryan spurred me to read my Bible. And he didn’t just keep reminding me to read; he invited me to show up thirty minutes early to school so that I could read the Bible with him.
When he found out about sin in my life, he came and confronted me about it. He was gentle, but he was clear and he was firm. He also confessed his own sin and modeled vigilance and repentance for me.
He was smart and athletic — he could have been doing anything he wanted — but Bryan gave hours and hours to helping younger guys like me meet Jesus and grow up in Jesus.
In other words, he set an example for me in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity —
when he was seventeen
. And at 39, I still want to be like him.
I’m deliberately telling you about my friend Bryan because, at a student missions conference, you’re going to hear stories about young people who changed the world for Jesus — Jim Elliot in Ecuador, C.T. Studd in China, Amy Carmichael in India, John Paton in the South Pacific. And I hope there are Jim Elliots among you. I pray there are Amy Carmichaels in this room. I really believe there are great missionary biographies that will be written in fifty or sixty or seventy years that began right here in northern Kentucky. But I’m telling you about Bryan Lopina because not all of you will be an Elliot or a Paton or a Carmichael, but all of you can be a Bryan.
And that’s why I want to talk to you about 1 Timothy 4:12:
Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.
This is the apostle Paul’s charge to his son in the faith, Timothy. He’s calling this young man (we think Timothy was in his twenties or thirties) to step up and lead the church in Ephesus, and he’s telling him to lead
with his life
. Set an example. This simple command speaks to something core about who we are, because we’re all imitating someone.
Our youngest is three and has
lots
of words now (a few too many words at times), but when he was younger, he had a lot fewer words. We were in the
mom
,
dad
,
ball
,
car
,
more
,
milk
stage. And we were out shopping. And he went to the bathroom, but (like most two-year-olds) he didn’t go to the bathroom
in
the bathroom, and so I had to take him
to
the bathroom to change him. We found the bathroom, and I changed his diaper. And when I got done, he looked up at me and said, clear as day, “Now, that’s more wike it.” I stared at him in disbelief.
What did you say?
“Dare to believe that God will use you, even now at a young age, to light a course for others to follow.”
Now, where did he learn that? Did he come up with that? No! Literally everything he has ever said, he’s repeated. He was imitating someone. He was following an example, because that’s how he was made. He was made to reflect what he sees and hears — and you are too. And I could do a whole talk on whom you should follow and imitate in these formative years, but this talk’s not about that. This is about the people watching and imitating
you
. You don’t get to choose:
You are an example.
The question is this: an example of what? Paul wants us to set an example of great faith in Jesus Christ. In these teenage or twentysomething years, when you’re surrounded by immature, selfish, complacent, phone-addicted, just-barely-Christian people, be a beacon of different. Be a Bryan to the handful of eternal souls who look up to you.
Five Examples to Set
First Timothy 4:12 gives us a quick road map. Paul gives us five areas where we can set an example by faith, even when we’re young. “Set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” Now, I don’t have time to spend long on each of these, but I encourage you to take them and spend some time reflecting on each of these in your life.
1. Speech
What do we say (or not say)? What might it look like to set an example in speech? We might immediately think of things godly people
don’t
say — profanity, crude humor, biting sarcasm. And Paul does say in Ephesians 5:4, “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place.” We can’t settle, though, for being known by what we
won’t
say.
We also want to be known for what we
do
say. And this is in the same verse: “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place,
but instead
let there be thanksgiving” (Ephesians 5:4). So, don’t just keep profanity and cruelty
out
of your mouth, but fill your mouth with thanksgiving, with encouragement, with wisdom and honesty, with reasons to rejoice in Jesus.
When you consider your conversations, your calls, your texts, tweets, posts, emails — are you setting an example in Christ that you would want someone younger than you to imitate? Think of a specific person younger than you. Would you want them to talk like you do?
2. Conduct
How do we spend our daily lives? What does the way you live your life, especially how you spend your
time
, your
money
, your
attention
, say about Jesus? What kinds of conclusions would people draw about your God after watching you closely for a week, a month, or a year?
Ephesians 5:15–16: “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” Mature Christians have a sense of urgency to make their lives count. What does your conduct say about your priorities? This isn’t about what we
say
is most important to us, but about where most of our effort and hours actually go. What has our attention in all the extra moments of the day? Over time, people notice what really matters to us (and if they look up to us, it’ll probably be what matters to them too). They’ll start spending their time, attention, and money where we do.
3. Love
What good are we to others? One effective way to evaluate how we spend our time, money, and attention is to ask what
tangible good
it’s doing for others. So, who are you focused on loving right now — friends, church family, roommates, neighbors, coworkers, the lost, or (one day) a spouse and children — and
how
, specifically and tangibly, are you seeking to love them? Would you want a younger person to love their friends like you love yours?
When it comes to setting an example in love, I love the summary at the heart of 1 Corinthians 13: “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7). Love
bears
the needs of others, especially their spiritual needs. Love
believes
the best of others, even when it would be easy to be cynical. Love
hopes
the best for others, always wanting what’s good for them and rejoicing when others succeed. And love
endures
all things — it bears burdens and keeps bearing them, even when others would have quit. So, are you setting a 1 Corinthians 13:7 example in your relationships right now?
4. Purity
Are we guarding our hearts for Jesus? We know the purity Paul had in mind here was at least sexual purity, because he says to young men later in the same letter,
[Encourage] older women as mothers, younger women as sisters,
in all purity
. (1 Timothy 5:2)
And we need to hear today that setting an example means fighting for sexual purity. In fact, this is another great motivation for sexual purity. Don’t just pursue purity for the sake of your own soul, but fight for all those who might see you fighting and be inspired to fight temptation.
Men (in particular), this kind of blood-bought, grace-filled self-control will immediately set you apart as an example. Christian men who relate to women
in all purity
(in person and online) will not be like most men, and that says something powerful about Jesus.
But this purity is more than sexual purity. Sexual purity? Yes, absolutely — but this purity is about an undefiled, undistracted pursuit of Jesus. It’s a
oneness
of heart and mind. Some people think they’re pure just by avoiding pornography and not messing around, but their hearts are as distracted and cold as anyone’s. So, are we giving in to some other distraction that’s interrupting or dividing our devotion to Jesus? Is our online life, in particular, the kind we’d want other Christians to be able to see and follow?
Some of you have been fighting a losing battle, and you need to hear that you really can be an example of purity. Find a couple of faithful friends, pray for one another, and fight together every day for greater purity. Set an example, in public and in secret, of devotion to Jesus.
5. Faith
Lastly, faith. Are we willing to fight for more of Jesus? Faith is something private and invisible, so how could we set an example in something others can’t see? They may not be able to see our faith in the same way they hear our words and observe our conduct, but they
can
see us fighting for faith. In the same letter, Paul writes, “Fight the good fight of the faith.
Take hold
of the eternal life to which you were called” (1 Timothy 6:12). What does it mean to fight for faith?
Well, it means being prepared to actually
fight
. A lot of Christians don’t want to fight; they want Christianity to be easy. They sit back and wait for things to happen. Mature Christians take hold of the life God has given them. They expect obstacles and opposition. They know it’s going to be hard at times. They commit to a local church, even during college, and keep showing up to serve however they can. They make time to meet with God even when it’s not convenient, even when they’re tired, even when they’re behind on schoolwork or working extra shifts.
Setting an example in faith really means setting an example
in hunger
. How badly do you want to see, enjoy, and share Jesus? How far will you consistently go to have even a little more of him?
Let No One Despise You
I chose this verse for this moment with you for one more reason, and I’ve mentioned it a couple of times, but I wanted to end here. It’s the beginning of the verse. The older father in the faith, Paul, puts his arm around the younger man, Timothy, who’s clearly battling insecurity and uncertainty, and he says, “
Let no one despise you for your youth
, but set the believers an example.” Why would he say that?
Because people in the church despised Timothy for his youth. They thought he was too young, that he needed to wait another decade before it was his turn. And Paul says, “No, if God is with you and
in
you, then I want you to lean in and start leading
now
.”
And as I read this letter, I can’t help but think that one of the people who despised Timothy’s youth was Timothy himself. I’m not sure he fully believed that he could lead the church. And so you can hear Paul saying, “Let no one despise you for your youth, Timothy — and that includes you.” Dare to believe that God will use you, even now at a young age, to light a course for others to follow. And so, Cross Conference, I’ll say the same to you: “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” |
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Lead with Your Life
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March 11, 2026
# Lead with Your Life
## How to Influence in Your Twenties
### Cross Conference \| Louisville, KY
- Message by
Marshall Segal
[Close]()
[](https://www.desiringgod.org/authors/marshall-segal)
### Marshall Segal
[@marshallsegal](https://x.com/marshallsegal)
Marshall Segal serves as President & CEO of Desiring God. He’s the author of [*Not Yet Married: The Pursuit of Joy in Singleness & Dating*](https://www.amazon.com/Not-Yet-Married-Pursuit-Singleness/dp/143355545X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1474304256&sr=8-1&keywords=not+yet+married). He graduated from [Bethlehem College and Seminary](http://bethlehemcollegeandseminary.org/), and serves as an elder at [Cities Church](https://www.citieschurch.com/). He and his wife, Faye, have three children and live in Minneapolis. [Read more about Marshall](https://www.desiringgod.org/about/teachers/marshall-segal).
[He Purifies Our Hearts with Pleasure Marshall Segal Mar 15, 2026](https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/he-purifies-our-hearts-with-pleasure)
[Lead with Your Life Marshall Segal Mar 11, 2026](https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/lead-with-your-life)
[Why You Do Not Believe Marshall Segal Jan 31, 2026](https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/why-you-do-not-believe)
[Enjoying Jesus in Sexual Purity Marshall Segal Jan 3, 2026](https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/enjoying-jesus-in-sexual-purity)
[He Dawns as Everlasting Father Marshall Segal Dec 21, 2025](https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/he-dawns-as-everlasting-father)
[Temptation Comes at the Best Moments Marshall Segal Nov 25, 2025](https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/temptation-comes-at-the-best-moments)
[More by this author](https://www.desiringgod.org/authors/marshall-segal)
- Scripture: [1 Timothy 4:12](https://www.desiringgod.org/scripture/1-timothy/4/messages) Topic: [Spiritual Leadership](https://www.desiringgod.org/topics/spiritual-leadership)
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My breakout session is about just one verse:
> Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. (1 Timothy 4:12)
Before I get to the verse, though, I want to tell you about Bryan. As I was getting ready to fly here and preparing what I wanted to say to you, I started thinking about Bryan for a couple reasons. First, because he now lives and pastors right down the road here in Louisville, and I don’t get to see him as often as I’d like to. The second reason I thought of him was because he was about your age when he changed my life.
I met Bryan when I was fourteen, the summer before my freshman year in high school. Bryan was two years ahead of me, so he was a junior — and that pretty much made him a celebrity in my eyes. He had a car. He was funny and super smart. He had lots of friends. Most importantly, he was ridiculously good at ping pong. (That matters at fourteen.) And, for whatever reason, he wanted to hang out with a freshman like me.
I won’t tell you everything I admired about Bryan, but here are some things I still remember about him, even twenty years later:
- When my other guy friends were practicing their profanity and making fun of each other all the time, he didn’t tear people down. No, he used his words to *encourage* me through the ups and downs of high school.
- Bryan spurred me to read my Bible. And he didn’t just keep reminding me to read; he invited me to show up thirty minutes early to school so that I could read the Bible with him.
- When he found out about sin in my life, he came and confronted me about it. He was gentle, but he was clear and he was firm. He also confessed his own sin and modeled vigilance and repentance for me.
- He was smart and athletic — he could have been doing anything he wanted — but Bryan gave hours and hours to helping younger guys like me meet Jesus and grow up in Jesus.
In other words, he set an example for me in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity — *when he was seventeen*. And at 39, I still want to be like him.
I’m deliberately telling you about my friend Bryan because, at a student missions conference, you’re going to hear stories about young people who changed the world for Jesus — Jim Elliot in Ecuador, C.T. Studd in China, Amy Carmichael in India, John Paton in the South Pacific. And I hope there are Jim Elliots among you. I pray there are Amy Carmichaels in this room. I really believe there are great missionary biographies that will be written in fifty or sixty or seventy years that began right here in northern Kentucky. But I’m telling you about Bryan Lopina because not all of you will be an Elliot or a Paton or a Carmichael, but all of you can be a Bryan.
## Lead with Your Life
And that’s why I want to talk to you about 1 Timothy 4:12:
> Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.
This is the apostle Paul’s charge to his son in the faith, Timothy. He’s calling this young man (we think Timothy was in his twenties or thirties) to step up and lead the church in Ephesus, and he’s telling him to lead *with his life*. Set an example. This simple command speaks to something core about who we are, because we’re all imitating someone.
Our youngest is three and has *lots* of words now (a few too many words at times), but when he was younger, he had a lot fewer words. We were in the *mom*, *dad*, *ball*, *car*, *more*, *milk* stage. And we were out shopping. And he went to the bathroom, but (like most two-year-olds) he didn’t go to the bathroom *in* the bathroom, and so I had to take him *to* the bathroom to change him. We found the bathroom, and I changed his diaper. And when I got done, he looked up at me and said, clear as day, “Now, that’s more wike it.” I stared at him in disbelief. *What did you say?*
> “Dare to believe that God will use you, even now at a young age, to light a course for others to follow.”
Now, where did he learn that? Did he come up with that? No! Literally everything he has ever said, he’s repeated. He was imitating someone. He was following an example, because that’s how he was made. He was made to reflect what he sees and hears — and you are too. And I could do a whole talk on whom you should follow and imitate in these formative years, but this talk’s not about that. This is about the people watching and imitating *you*. You don’t get to choose: *You are an example.*
The question is this: an example of what? Paul wants us to set an example of great faith in Jesus Christ. In these teenage or twentysomething years, when you’re surrounded by immature, selfish, complacent, phone-addicted, just-barely-Christian people, be a beacon of different. Be a Bryan to the handful of eternal souls who look up to you.
## Five Examples to Set
First Timothy 4:12 gives us a quick road map. Paul gives us five areas where we can set an example by faith, even when we’re young. “Set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” Now, I don’t have time to spend long on each of these, but I encourage you to take them and spend some time reflecting on each of these in your life.
#### 1\. Speech
What do we say (or not say)? What might it look like to set an example in speech? We might immediately think of things godly people *don’t* say — profanity, crude humor, biting sarcasm. And Paul does say in Ephesians 5:4, “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place.” We can’t settle, though, for being known by what we *won’t* say.
We also want to be known for what we *do* say. And this is in the same verse: “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, *but instead* let there be thanksgiving” (Ephesians 5:4). So, don’t just keep profanity and cruelty *out* of your mouth, but fill your mouth with thanksgiving, with encouragement, with wisdom and honesty, with reasons to rejoice in Jesus.
When you consider your conversations, your calls, your texts, tweets, posts, emails — are you setting an example in Christ that you would want someone younger than you to imitate? Think of a specific person younger than you. Would you want them to talk like you do?
#### 2\. Conduct
How do we spend our daily lives? What does the way you live your life, especially how you spend your *time*, your *money*, your *attention*, say about Jesus? What kinds of conclusions would people draw about your God after watching you closely for a week, a month, or a year?
Ephesians 5:15–16: “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” Mature Christians have a sense of urgency to make their lives count. What does your conduct say about your priorities? This isn’t about what we *say* is most important to us, but about where most of our effort and hours actually go. What has our attention in all the extra moments of the day? Over time, people notice what really matters to us (and if they look up to us, it’ll probably be what matters to them too). They’ll start spending their time, attention, and money where we do.
#### 3\. Love
What good are we to others? One effective way to evaluate how we spend our time, money, and attention is to ask what *tangible good* it’s doing for others. So, who are you focused on loving right now — friends, church family, roommates, neighbors, coworkers, the lost, or (one day) a spouse and children — and *how*, specifically and tangibly, are you seeking to love them? Would you want a younger person to love their friends like you love yours?
When it comes to setting an example in love, I love the summary at the heart of 1 Corinthians 13: “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7). Love *bears* the needs of others, especially their spiritual needs. Love *believes* the best of others, even when it would be easy to be cynical. Love *hopes* the best for others, always wanting what’s good for them and rejoicing when others succeed. And love *endures* all things — it bears burdens and keeps bearing them, even when others would have quit. So, are you setting a 1 Corinthians 13:7 example in your relationships right now?
#### 4\. Purity
Are we guarding our hearts for Jesus? We know the purity Paul had in mind here was at least sexual purity, because he says to young men later in the same letter,
> \[Encourage\] older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, *in all purity*. (1 Timothy 5:2)
And we need to hear today that setting an example means fighting for sexual purity. In fact, this is another great motivation for sexual purity. Don’t just pursue purity for the sake of your own soul, but fight for all those who might see you fighting and be inspired to fight temptation.
Men (in particular), this kind of blood-bought, grace-filled self-control will immediately set you apart as an example. Christian men who relate to women *in all purity* (in person and online) will not be like most men, and that says something powerful about Jesus.
But this purity is more than sexual purity. Sexual purity? Yes, absolutely — but this purity is about an undefiled, undistracted pursuit of Jesus. It’s a *oneness* of heart and mind. Some people think they’re pure just by avoiding pornography and not messing around, but their hearts are as distracted and cold as anyone’s. So, are we giving in to some other distraction that’s interrupting or dividing our devotion to Jesus? Is our online life, in particular, the kind we’d want other Christians to be able to see and follow?
Some of you have been fighting a losing battle, and you need to hear that you really can be an example of purity. Find a couple of faithful friends, pray for one another, and fight together every day for greater purity. Set an example, in public and in secret, of devotion to Jesus.
#### 5\. Faith
Lastly, faith. Are we willing to fight for more of Jesus? Faith is something private and invisible, so how could we set an example in something others can’t see? They may not be able to see our faith in the same way they hear our words and observe our conduct, but they *can* see us fighting for faith. In the same letter, Paul writes, “Fight the good fight of the faith. *Take hold* of the eternal life to which you were called” (1 Timothy 6:12). What does it mean to fight for faith?
Well, it means being prepared to actually *fight*. A lot of Christians don’t want to fight; they want Christianity to be easy. They sit back and wait for things to happen. Mature Christians take hold of the life God has given them. They expect obstacles and opposition. They know it’s going to be hard at times. They commit to a local church, even during college, and keep showing up to serve however they can. They make time to meet with God even when it’s not convenient, even when they’re tired, even when they’re behind on schoolwork or working extra shifts.
Setting an example in faith really means setting an example *in hunger*. How badly do you want to see, enjoy, and share Jesus? How far will you consistently go to have even a little more of him?
## Let No One Despise You
I chose this verse for this moment with you for one more reason, and I’ve mentioned it a couple of times, but I wanted to end here. It’s the beginning of the verse. The older father in the faith, Paul, puts his arm around the younger man, Timothy, who’s clearly battling insecurity and uncertainty, and he says, “*Let no one despise you for your youth*, but set the believers an example.” Why would he say that?
Because people in the church despised Timothy for his youth. They thought he was too young, that he needed to wait another decade before it was his turn. And Paul says, “No, if God is with you and *in* you, then I want you to lean in and start leading *now*.”
And as I read this letter, I can’t help but think that one of the people who despised Timothy’s youth was Timothy himself. I’m not sure he fully believed that he could lead the church. And so you can hear Paul saying, “Let no one despise you for your youth, Timothy — and that includes you.” Dare to believe that God will use you, even now at a young age, to light a course for others to follow. And so, Cross Conference, I’ll say the same to you: “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”
[Marshall Segal](https://www.desiringgod.org/authors/marshall-segal) ([@marshallsegal](https://x.com/marshallsegal)) serves as President & CEO of Desiring God. He’s the author of [*Not Yet Married: The Pursuit of Joy in Singleness & Dating*](https://www.amazon.com/Not-Yet-Married-Pursuit-Singleness/dp/143355545X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1474304256&sr=8-1&keywords=not+yet+married). He graduated from [Bethlehem College and Seminary](http://bethlehemcollegeandseminary.org/), and serves as an elder at [Cities Church](https://www.citieschurch.com/). He and his wife, Faye, have three children and live in Minneapolis. [Read more about Marshall](https://www.desiringgod.org/about/teachers/marshall-segal).
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| Readable Markdown | My breakout session is about just one verse:
> Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. (1 Timothy 4:12)
Before I get to the verse, though, I want to tell you about Bryan. As I was getting ready to fly here and preparing what I wanted to say to you, I started thinking about Bryan for a couple reasons. First, because he now lives and pastors right down the road here in Louisville, and I don’t get to see him as often as I’d like to. The second reason I thought of him was because he was about your age when he changed my life.
I met Bryan when I was fourteen, the summer before my freshman year in high school. Bryan was two years ahead of me, so he was a junior — and that pretty much made him a celebrity in my eyes. He had a car. He was funny and super smart. He had lots of friends. Most importantly, he was ridiculously good at ping pong. (That matters at fourteen.) And, for whatever reason, he wanted to hang out with a freshman like me.
I won’t tell you everything I admired about Bryan, but here are some things I still remember about him, even twenty years later:
- When my other guy friends were practicing their profanity and making fun of each other all the time, he didn’t tear people down. No, he used his words to *encourage* me through the ups and downs of high school.
- Bryan spurred me to read my Bible. And he didn’t just keep reminding me to read; he invited me to show up thirty minutes early to school so that I could read the Bible with him.
- When he found out about sin in my life, he came and confronted me about it. He was gentle, but he was clear and he was firm. He also confessed his own sin and modeled vigilance and repentance for me.
- He was smart and athletic — he could have been doing anything he wanted — but Bryan gave hours and hours to helping younger guys like me meet Jesus and grow up in Jesus.
In other words, he set an example for me in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity — *when he was seventeen*. And at 39, I still want to be like him.
I’m deliberately telling you about my friend Bryan because, at a student missions conference, you’re going to hear stories about young people who changed the world for Jesus — Jim Elliot in Ecuador, C.T. Studd in China, Amy Carmichael in India, John Paton in the South Pacific. And I hope there are Jim Elliots among you. I pray there are Amy Carmichaels in this room. I really believe there are great missionary biographies that will be written in fifty or sixty or seventy years that began right here in northern Kentucky. But I’m telling you about Bryan Lopina because not all of you will be an Elliot or a Paton or a Carmichael, but all of you can be a Bryan.
And that’s why I want to talk to you about 1 Timothy 4:12:
> Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.
This is the apostle Paul’s charge to his son in the faith, Timothy. He’s calling this young man (we think Timothy was in his twenties or thirties) to step up and lead the church in Ephesus, and he’s telling him to lead *with his life*. Set an example. This simple command speaks to something core about who we are, because we’re all imitating someone.
Our youngest is three and has *lots* of words now (a few too many words at times), but when he was younger, he had a lot fewer words. We were in the *mom*, *dad*, *ball*, *car*, *more*, *milk* stage. And we were out shopping. And he went to the bathroom, but (like most two-year-olds) he didn’t go to the bathroom *in* the bathroom, and so I had to take him *to* the bathroom to change him. We found the bathroom, and I changed his diaper. And when I got done, he looked up at me and said, clear as day, “Now, that’s more wike it.” I stared at him in disbelief. *What did you say?*
> “Dare to believe that God will use you, even now at a young age, to light a course for others to follow.”
Now, where did he learn that? Did he come up with that? No! Literally everything he has ever said, he’s repeated. He was imitating someone. He was following an example, because that’s how he was made. He was made to reflect what he sees and hears — and you are too. And I could do a whole talk on whom you should follow and imitate in these formative years, but this talk’s not about that. This is about the people watching and imitating *you*. You don’t get to choose: *You are an example.*
The question is this: an example of what? Paul wants us to set an example of great faith in Jesus Christ. In these teenage or twentysomething years, when you’re surrounded by immature, selfish, complacent, phone-addicted, just-barely-Christian people, be a beacon of different. Be a Bryan to the handful of eternal souls who look up to you.
## Five Examples to Set
First Timothy 4:12 gives us a quick road map. Paul gives us five areas where we can set an example by faith, even when we’re young. “Set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” Now, I don’t have time to spend long on each of these, but I encourage you to take them and spend some time reflecting on each of these in your life.
#### 1\. Speech
What do we say (or not say)? What might it look like to set an example in speech? We might immediately think of things godly people *don’t* say — profanity, crude humor, biting sarcasm. And Paul does say in Ephesians 5:4, “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place.” We can’t settle, though, for being known by what we *won’t* say.
We also want to be known for what we *do* say. And this is in the same verse: “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, *but instead* let there be thanksgiving” (Ephesians 5:4). So, don’t just keep profanity and cruelty *out* of your mouth, but fill your mouth with thanksgiving, with encouragement, with wisdom and honesty, with reasons to rejoice in Jesus.
When you consider your conversations, your calls, your texts, tweets, posts, emails — are you setting an example in Christ that you would want someone younger than you to imitate? Think of a specific person younger than you. Would you want them to talk like you do?
#### 2\. Conduct
How do we spend our daily lives? What does the way you live your life, especially how you spend your *time*, your *money*, your *attention*, say about Jesus? What kinds of conclusions would people draw about your God after watching you closely for a week, a month, or a year?
Ephesians 5:15–16: “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” Mature Christians have a sense of urgency to make their lives count. What does your conduct say about your priorities? This isn’t about what we *say* is most important to us, but about where most of our effort and hours actually go. What has our attention in all the extra moments of the day? Over time, people notice what really matters to us (and if they look up to us, it’ll probably be what matters to them too). They’ll start spending their time, attention, and money where we do.
#### 3\. Love
What good are we to others? One effective way to evaluate how we spend our time, money, and attention is to ask what *tangible good* it’s doing for others. So, who are you focused on loving right now — friends, church family, roommates, neighbors, coworkers, the lost, or (one day) a spouse and children — and *how*, specifically and tangibly, are you seeking to love them? Would you want a younger person to love their friends like you love yours?
When it comes to setting an example in love, I love the summary at the heart of 1 Corinthians 13: “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7). Love *bears* the needs of others, especially their spiritual needs. Love *believes* the best of others, even when it would be easy to be cynical. Love *hopes* the best for others, always wanting what’s good for them and rejoicing when others succeed. And love *endures* all things — it bears burdens and keeps bearing them, even when others would have quit. So, are you setting a 1 Corinthians 13:7 example in your relationships right now?
#### 4\. Purity
Are we guarding our hearts for Jesus? We know the purity Paul had in mind here was at least sexual purity, because he says to young men later in the same letter,
> \[Encourage\] older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, *in all purity*. (1 Timothy 5:2)
And we need to hear today that setting an example means fighting for sexual purity. In fact, this is another great motivation for sexual purity. Don’t just pursue purity for the sake of your own soul, but fight for all those who might see you fighting and be inspired to fight temptation.
Men (in particular), this kind of blood-bought, grace-filled self-control will immediately set you apart as an example. Christian men who relate to women *in all purity* (in person and online) will not be like most men, and that says something powerful about Jesus.
But this purity is more than sexual purity. Sexual purity? Yes, absolutely — but this purity is about an undefiled, undistracted pursuit of Jesus. It’s a *oneness* of heart and mind. Some people think they’re pure just by avoiding pornography and not messing around, but their hearts are as distracted and cold as anyone’s. So, are we giving in to some other distraction that’s interrupting or dividing our devotion to Jesus? Is our online life, in particular, the kind we’d want other Christians to be able to see and follow?
Some of you have been fighting a losing battle, and you need to hear that you really can be an example of purity. Find a couple of faithful friends, pray for one another, and fight together every day for greater purity. Set an example, in public and in secret, of devotion to Jesus.
#### 5\. Faith
Lastly, faith. Are we willing to fight for more of Jesus? Faith is something private and invisible, so how could we set an example in something others can’t see? They may not be able to see our faith in the same way they hear our words and observe our conduct, but they *can* see us fighting for faith. In the same letter, Paul writes, “Fight the good fight of the faith. *Take hold* of the eternal life to which you were called” (1 Timothy 6:12). What does it mean to fight for faith?
Well, it means being prepared to actually *fight*. A lot of Christians don’t want to fight; they want Christianity to be easy. They sit back and wait for things to happen. Mature Christians take hold of the life God has given them. They expect obstacles and opposition. They know it’s going to be hard at times. They commit to a local church, even during college, and keep showing up to serve however they can. They make time to meet with God even when it’s not convenient, even when they’re tired, even when they’re behind on schoolwork or working extra shifts.
Setting an example in faith really means setting an example *in hunger*. How badly do you want to see, enjoy, and share Jesus? How far will you consistently go to have even a little more of him?
## Let No One Despise You
I chose this verse for this moment with you for one more reason, and I’ve mentioned it a couple of times, but I wanted to end here. It’s the beginning of the verse. The older father in the faith, Paul, puts his arm around the younger man, Timothy, who’s clearly battling insecurity and uncertainty, and he says, “*Let no one despise you for your youth*, but set the believers an example.” Why would he say that?
Because people in the church despised Timothy for his youth. They thought he was too young, that he needed to wait another decade before it was his turn. And Paul says, “No, if God is with you and *in* you, then I want you to lean in and start leading *now*.”
And as I read this letter, I can’t help but think that one of the people who despised Timothy’s youth was Timothy himself. I’m not sure he fully believed that he could lead the church. And so you can hear Paul saying, “Let no one despise you for your youth, Timothy — and that includes you.” Dare to believe that God will use you, even now at a young age, to light a course for others to follow. And so, Cross Conference, I’ll say the same to you: “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” |
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