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Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information Privacy Settings Privacy Settings - © 2026 BuzzFeed, Inc - [Press](https://www.buzzfeed.com/press) - [RSS](https://www.buzzfeed.com/rss) - [Privacy](https://www.buzzfeed.com/about/privacy) - [Consent Preferences](https://www.buzzfeed.com/consent-preferences) - [User Terms](https://www.buzzfeed.com/about/useragreement) - [Ad Choices](https://www.buzzfeed.com/about/privacy#adchoices) - [Help](https://www.buzzfeed.com/help) - [Contact](https://www.buzzfeed.com/about/contact) - [Sitemap](https://www.buzzfeed.com/archive) - [Search, watch, and cook every single Tasty recipe and video ever — all in one place\!](https://www.tasty.co/) - [News, Politics, Culture, Life, Entertainment, and more. Stories that matter to you.](https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/?referrer=bf) 1. [Buzz](https://www.buzzfeed.com/buzz) - [](https://www.buzzfeed.com/badge/heystephen) # My Name's Karen, And I'm Sick Of All The "Karen" Memes — Should I Legally Change My Name? "I cringe when I hear 'Karen' jokes. It just makes me uncomfortable." Posted on Sep 11, 2020 comment [ by Stephen LaConte BuzzFeed Staff](https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte) ## Hello, world. My name's Stephen LaConte, I'm a writer here at BuzzFeed, and my favorite thing in the world (besides my dog) is [giving people advice](https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte/i-caught-my-boyfriend-jerking-off-to-videos-of-his). > [ View this photo on Instagram](https://instagram.com/p/B8kTZgNBVUq/) [instagram.com](https://instagram.com/p/B8kTZgNBVUq/) ## So I've [invited readers like you](https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte/buzzfeed-advice-column-slide-into-dms) to message me on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/stephenlc/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/stephenlc) (@StephenLC in both places) with your biggest problems — and I'm solving 'em right here on BuzzFeed, one DM at a time. Let's get right to it. ## Today, we've got this woman named Karen, who wants to change her name to avoid any association with the meme about racist, 911-calling, manager-requesting white ladies:  [Instagram: @stephenlc](http://instagram.com/stephenlc) ## Alright, Karen. Here's the deal: Your name is *your* name, and you can do whatever you please with it — keep it, change it, become The Artist Formerly Known As Karen if you want. Names are deeply personal parts of our identity, and if you don't like yours, you are always within your rights to pick a new one. That's your prerogative.  Tap to play GIF Fox ## But — and this is a *big* but — before you sign on the dotted line here, I think you should take a closer look at the "uncomfortable" feelings you're describing right now, and ask yourself whether there's anything more productive you could do with that discomfort, rather than simply running away from it.   Kena Betancur / Getty Images ## Conversations about race and privilege can indeed be uncomfortable. They're often quite personal, and awkward, and hit close to home. But instead of shutting down those conversations, or deflecting from them by asserting that you're "one of the good ones," I think you need to lean into your discomfort and see what you can actually *learn* from it. In other words, allow yourself to be pushed out of your comfort zone, and into, well, reality.  Tap to play GIF The Oprah Winfrey Show ## And here's the reality: You live in a racist country. Frankly, you *should* feel uncomfortable right now. Black people in America face day-to-day realities far worse than discomfort — being [murdered by police](https://www.buzzfeed.com/tag/george-floyd-protests), [mistreated by doctors](https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/danvergano/coronavirus-medical-racism), and [incarcerated by a criminal justice system that was built to oppress them](https://www.buzzfeed.com/tag/mass-incarceration). So if the most terrible thing you've experienced in this unjust world are a few Karen jokes, that is your privilege in action. You write in your DM that you don't want to "deal with this" anymore, but I have to be honest: You're not dealing with much at all.   Elijah Nouvelage / Getty Images ## There's a degree of irony in your message, because a core tenet of Karen-ism is being so used to things happening *your* way, on *your* terms, according to *your* rules, that even the slightest challenge to your status quo is viewed as a personal attack. Whether it's a [barbecue happening in a public park](https://www.buzzfeed.com/pablovaldivia/white-woman-calling-the-cops-on-black-people-barbecuing-meme) or a [little girl selling water on the sidewalk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqARrnQdcQM), Karens tend to really lose their minds when confronted with things even slightly beyond their control. And here you are now, so rattled by some internet memes that you're considering *legally changing your name for eternity*. I'm not saying you're being a Karen, Karen, but if the nametag fits...   Michelle Dione / Via [youtube.com](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fh9D_PUe7QI) ## So, here's my advice for you: Instead of getting rid of a name that's associated with privilege, why not spend your time and energy working to dismantle the privilege itself? Read some [books on antiracism](https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/ariannarebolini/george-floyd-amy-cooper-antiracist-books-reading-resources), donate to [Black Lives Matter and bail funds](https://www.buzzfeed.com/andyneuenschwander/15-groups-to-donate-to-that-support-protesters-and-black), vote for politicians who support antiracist policies, [shop from Black-owned businesses](https://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahmarder/black-owned-online-businesses), and check your privilege each and every day. Doing all of that will make you WAY less of a Karen than simply taking the name "Karen" off your driver's license and passport. I promise.   Christian Cooper / Via [youtube.com](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilG3NpUn4IU) ## And one final thought before you go: In your DM, you seem to treat your "Karen" moniker like some evil curse that you need to rid yourself of. Instead, perhaps you can choose to see your newly memed name as a blessing: It's a built-in, daily reminder to be better than all the Karens who came before you. Don't run from it — use it to do better. I know you can.   @\_ethiopiangold / Via [Twitter: @\_ethiopiangold](https://twitter.com/_ethiopiangold/status/1010577140595560448) ## That's all the advice I'm giving today, folks, but if you've got any words of wisdom for our DMer, share them in the comments! I'll be reading... ## Want more advice and updates on previous DMers? Follow me on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/stephenlc/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/stephenlc) (@StephenLC in both places). And if you want to submit a question to be featured in the column, DM me — just be sure to read the rules below first.   BuzzFeed ***The rules:** All DMs sent to me are for publication on BuzzFeed. Because of the high volume of DMs I receive, I'm not able to respond to individual messages or provide any advice one-on-one. Also, please try to keep your DMs concise — the whole message must fit into a single screenshot or it will not be selected. Thanks\!* ## More advice from Stephen: - [](https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte/advice-caught-husband-catfishing-another-woman?bfsource=relatedmanual) [I Caught My Husband Using My Photos To Catfish Another Woman — WTF Should I Do?](https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte/advice-caught-husband-catfishing-another-woman?bfsource=relatedmanual) Stephen LaConte · Aug. 28, 2020 - [](https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte/woman-accused-sleeping-with-friends-boyfriend?bfsource=relatedmanual) [This Woman Was Just Accused Of Sleeping With Her Friend's Boyfriend — How Can She Prove Her Innocence?](https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte/woman-accused-sleeping-with-friends-boyfriend?bfsource=relatedmanual) Stephen LaConte · Aug. 14, 2020 - [](https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte/advice-i-caught-my-dad-having-an-affair?bfsource=relatedmanual) [This Woman Just Caught Her Dad Having An Affair — Should She Expose Him?](https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte/advice-i-caught-my-dad-having-an-affair?bfsource=relatedmanual) Stephen LaConte · Aug. 2, 2020 - [](https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte/advice-brother-makes-sexual-comments-about-sister?bfsource=relatedmanual) [My Brother Keeps Making Creepy Sexual Comments About Me — WTF Should I Do?](https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte/advice-brother-makes-sexual-comments-about-sister?bfsource=relatedmanual) Stephen LaConte · July 24, 2020 ## Comments

1. [Buzz](https://www.buzzfeed.com/buzz) - [](https://www.buzzfeed.com/badge/heystephen) ## My Name's Karen, And I'm Sick Of All The "Karen" Memes — Should I Legally Change My Name? "I cringe when I hear 'Karen' jokes. It just makes me uncomfortable." Posted on Sep 11, 2020 ## Hello, world. My name's Stephen LaConte, I'm a writer here at BuzzFeed, and my favorite thing in the world (besides my dog) is [giving people advice](https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte/i-caught-my-boyfriend-jerking-off-to-videos-of-his). ## So I've [invited readers like you](https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte/buzzfeed-advice-column-slide-into-dms) to message me on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/stephenlc/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/stephenlc) (@StephenLC in both places) with your biggest problems — and I'm solving 'em right here on BuzzFeed, one DM at a time. Let's get right to it. ## Today, we've got this woman named Karen, who wants to change her name to avoid any association with the meme about racist, 911-calling, manager-requesting white ladies: ## Alright, Karen. Here's the deal: Your name is *your* name, and you can do whatever you please with it — keep it, change it, become The Artist Formerly Known As Karen if you want. Names are deeply personal parts of our identity, and if you don't like yours, you are always within your rights to pick a new one. That's your prerogative. ## But — and this is a *big* but — before you sign on the dotted line here, I think you should take a closer look at the "uncomfortable" feelings you're describing right now, and ask yourself whether there's anything more productive you could do with that discomfort, rather than simply running away from it. ## Conversations about race and privilege can indeed be uncomfortable. They're often quite personal, and awkward, and hit close to home. But instead of shutting down those conversations, or deflecting from them by asserting that you're "one of the good ones," I think you need to lean into your discomfort and see what you can actually *learn* from it. In other words, allow yourself to be pushed out of your comfort zone, and into, well, reality. ## And here's the reality: You live in a racist country. Frankly, you *should* feel uncomfortable right now. Black people in America face day-to-day realities far worse than discomfort — being [murdered by police](https://www.buzzfeed.com/tag/george-floyd-protests), [mistreated by doctors](https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/danvergano/coronavirus-medical-racism), and [incarcerated by a criminal justice system that was built to oppress them](https://www.buzzfeed.com/tag/mass-incarceration). So if the most terrible thing you've experienced in this unjust world are a few Karen jokes, that is your privilege in action. You write in your DM that you don't want to "deal with this" anymore, but I have to be honest: You're not dealing with much at all. ## There's a degree of irony in your message, because a core tenet of Karen-ism is being so used to things happening *your* way, on *your* terms, according to *your* rules, that even the slightest challenge to your status quo is viewed as a personal attack. Whether it's a [barbecue happening in a public park](https://www.buzzfeed.com/pablovaldivia/white-woman-calling-the-cops-on-black-people-barbecuing-meme) or a [little girl selling water on the sidewalk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqARrnQdcQM), Karens tend to really lose their minds when confronted with things even slightly beyond their control. And here you are now, so rattled by some internet memes that you're considering *legally changing your name for eternity*. I'm not saying you're being a Karen, Karen, but if the nametag fits... ## So, here's my advice for you: Instead of getting rid of a name that's associated with privilege, why not spend your time and energy working to dismantle the privilege itself? Read some [books on antiracism](https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/ariannarebolini/george-floyd-amy-cooper-antiracist-books-reading-resources), donate to [Black Lives Matter and bail funds](https://www.buzzfeed.com/andyneuenschwander/15-groups-to-donate-to-that-support-protesters-and-black), vote for politicians who support antiracist policies, [shop from Black-owned businesses](https://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahmarder/black-owned-online-businesses), and check your privilege each and every day. Doing all of that will make you WAY less of a Karen than simply taking the name "Karen" off your driver's license and passport. I promise. ## And one final thought before you go: In your DM, you seem to treat your "Karen" moniker like some evil curse that you need to rid yourself of. Instead, perhaps you can choose to see your newly memed name as a blessing: It's a built-in, daily reminder to be better than all the Karens who came before you. Don't run from it — use it to do better. I know you can. ## That's all the advice I'm giving today, folks, but if you've got any words of wisdom for our DMer, share them in the comments! I'll be reading... ## Want more advice and updates on previous DMers? Follow me on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/stephenlc/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/stephenlc) (@StephenLC in both places). And if you want to submit a question to be featured in the column, DM me — just be sure to read the rules below first.