🕷️ Crawler Inspector

URL Lookup

Direct Parameter Lookup

Raw Queries and Responses

1. Shard Calculation

Query:

Response:

Calculated Shard: 149 (from laksa093)

2. Crawled Status Check

Query:

curl -X POST \
  'http://laksa149.int.ahrefs:8124/' \
  -H 'Content-Type: text/plain' \
  -H 'X-ClickHouse-Database: crawler3' \
  -H 'Authorization: Basic YXBpOg==' \
  -d 'SELECT getAhrefsURLFromUnparsed(src_unparsed) AS found_url, ifNull(toUnixTimestamp(download_stamp), 0) AS crawl_time, ifNull(toUnixTimestamp(props_url_first_seen), 0) AS first_indexed_time, download_http_code AS http_code, src_unparsed AS src_unparsed, src_root_hash AS src_root_hash, history_drop_reason AS history_drop_reason, meta_title AS meta_title, meta_descriptions AS meta_descriptions, attrs_boilerpipe_text AS attrs_boilerpipe_text, attrs_markdown AS attrs_markdown, attrs_readable_markdown AS attrs_readable_markdown, meta_canonical AS meta_canonical FROM crawler3.page_info_local FINAL PREWHERE (src_root_hash, src_unparsed) IN ((getAhrefsRootHashFromUnparsed(getAhrefsUnparsedNoserviceFromURL(\'https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Catch-22_(film)\')), getAhrefsUnparsedNoserviceFromURL(\'https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Catch-22_(film)\'))) FORMAT JSONEachRow'

Response:

{"found_url":"https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Catch-22_(film)","crawl_time":1775729215,"first_indexed_time":1425412717,"http_code":200,"src_unparsed":"org,wikiquote!en,\/wiki\/Catch-22_(film) s443","src_root_hash":"15648071994150960749","history_drop_reason":null,"meta_title":"Catch-22 (film) - Wikiquote","meta_descriptions":[],"attrs_boilerpipe_text":"Catch-22\nis a\n1970\nblack comedy\nfilm about a man who is trying desperately to be certified insane during World War II, so he can stop flying missions.\nDirected by\nMike Nichols\n. Written by\nBuck Henry\n, based on the\nbook of the same name\nby\nJoseph Heller\n.\nThe anti-war satire of epic proportions.\nWeather conditions have improved tremendously over the mainland, so you won't have any trouble at all seeing the target. Of course, we mustn't forget, that means that they won't have any trouble at all seeing you.\nGeneral Dreedle\n: Get back in the car, you smirking slut!\nOld man in whorehouse\n: You see, Italy is a very poor, weak country and that is what makes us so strong, strong enough to survive this war and still be in existence, long after your country has been destroyed.\nCapt. Nately\n: What are you talking about? America is not going to be destroyed.\nOld man in whorehouse\n: Never?\nCapt. Nately\n: Well...\nOld man in whorehouse\n: Rome was destroyed. Greece was destroyed. Persia was destroyed. Spain was destroyed. All great countries are destroyed. Why not yours? How much longer do you think your country will last? Forever?\nCapt. Nately\n: Well, forever is a long time.\nOld man in whorehouse\n: Very long.\nCapt. Nately\n: Don't you have any principles?\nOld man in whorehouse\n: Of course not!\nCapt. Nately\n: No morality?\nOld man in whorehouse\n: I'm a very moral man, and Italy is a very moral country. That's why we will certainly come out on top again if we succeed in being defeated.\nCapt. Nately\n: You talk like a madman.\nOld man in whorehouse\n: But I live like a sane one. I was a fascist when\nMussolini\nwas on top. Now that he has been deposed, I am anti-fascist. When the Germans were here, I was fanatically pro-German. Now I'm fanatically pro-American. You'll find no more loyal partisan in all of Italy than myself.\nCapt. Nately\n: You're a shameful opportunist! What you don't understand is that it's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.\nOld man in whorehouse\n: You have it backwards. It's better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. I know.\nCapt. Nately\n: How do you know?\nOld man in whorehouse\n: Because I am 107-years-old. How old are you?\nCapt. Nately\n: I'll be 20 in January.\nOld man in whorehouse\n(with pity)\n: If you live.\n1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\n: We're gonna come out of this war rich!\nYossarian\n:\nYou're\ngonna come out rich. We're gonna come out dead.\nDoc Daneeka\n: You're wasting your time\nYossarian\n: Can't you ground someone who's crazy?\nDoc Daneeka\n: Oh, sure. I have to. There's a rule saying I have to ground anyone who's crazy.\nYossarian\n: Then why don't you ground me? I'm crazy. Ask Clevinger.\nDoc Daneeka\n: Clevinger? Where is Clevinger? You find Clevinger and I'll ask him.\nYossarian\n: Then ask any of the others. They'll tell you how crazy I am.\nDoc Daneeka\n: They're crazy\nYossarian\n: Then why don't you ground them?\nDoc Daneeka\n: Why don't they ask me to ground them?\nYossarian\n: Because they're crazy, that's why.\nDoc Daneeka\n: Of course they're crazy, I just told you they're crazy, didn't I? And you can't let crazy people decide if they crazy or not.\nYossarian\n: Is Orr crazy?\nDoc Daneeka\n: He sure is.\nYossarian\n: Can you ground him?\nDoc Daneeka\n: I sure can. But first he has to ask me to. That's part of the rule.\nYossarian\n: Then why doesn't he ask you to?\nDoc Daneeka\n: Because he's crazy, He has to be crazy to keep flying combat missions after all the close calls he's had. Sure, I can ground Orr. But first he has to ask me to.\nYossarian\n: That's all he has to do to be grounded?\nDoc Daneeka\n: That's all. Let him ask me.\nYossarian\n: And then you can ground him?\nDoc Daneeka\n: No. Then I can\nnot\nground him.\n(Yossarian cries out in frustration)\nSee, there's a catch, Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy.\nYossarian\n: That's some catch, that Catch-22.\nDoc Daneeka\n: It's the best there is.\nYossarian\n: Those bastards are trying to kill me.\n1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\n: No one is trying to kill you sweetheart. Now eat your dessert like a good boy.\nYossarian\n: Oh yeah? Then why are they shooting at me Milo?\nDobbs\n: They're shooting at everyone Yossarian.\nYossarian\n: And what difference does that make?\nDobbs\n: Look Yossarian, suppose, I mean just suppose everyone thought the same way you do.\nYossarian\n: Then I'd be a damn fool to think any different.\nColonel Cathcart\n: You're a disgrace. I'd like to know how you got to be a Captain, anyway.\nYossarian\n: You promoted me.\nColonel Cathcart\n: That has got nothing to do with it.\n1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\n: Yossarian, I want you to do something for me.\n[removes item from small bag]\nI want to serve this to the men. Taste it and let me know what you think.\n[Yossarian takes a bite]\nYossarian\n: What is it?\n1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\n: Chocolate-covered cotton.\nYossarian\n: What are you, crazy?\n1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\n: No good, huh?\nYossarian\n: For Christ's sake, you didn't even take the seeds out!\n1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\n: Is it really that bad?\nYossarian\n: It's cotton!\n1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\n: They've got to learn to like it!\nYossarian\n: Why?\n1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\n: Look, I saw this great opportunity to corner the market in Egyptian cotton. How was I supposed to know there was going to be a glut? I've got a hundred warehouses stacked with the stuff all over the European theater. I can't get rid of a penny's worth. People eat cotton candy, don't they? Well this stuff is better - it's made out of real cotton.\nYossarian\n: Milo, people can't eat cotton!\n1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\n: They've got to - it's for the Syndicate!\nYossarian\n: It will make them sick! - why don't you try it yourself if you don't believe me?\n1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\n: I did - and it made me sick.\nMaj. Major Major Major\n: Sergeant, from now on, I don't want anyone to come in and see me while I'm in my office. Is that clear?\nFirst Sgt. Towser\n: Yes, sir. What do I say to people who want to come in and see you while you're in your office?\nMaj. Major Major Major\n: Tell them I'm in and ask them to wait.\nFirst Sgt. Towser\n: For how long?\nMaj. Major Major Major\n: Until I've left.\nFirst Sgt. Towser\n: And then what do I do with them?\nMaj. Major Major Major\n: I don't care.\nFirst Sgt. Towser\n: May I send people in to see you after you've left?\nMaj. Major Major Major\n: Yes.\nFirst Sgt. Towser\n: You won't be here then, will you?\nMaj. Major Major Major\n: No.\nFirst Sgt. Towse\nr: I see, sir. Will that be all?\nMaj. Major Major Majo\nr: Also, Sergeant, I don't want you coming in while I'm in my office asking me if there's anything you can do for me. Is that clear?\nFirst Sgt. Towser\n: Yes, sir. When should I come in your office and ask if there's anything I can do for you?\nMaj. Major Major Major\n: When I'm not there.\nFirst Sgt. Towser\n: What do I do then?\nMaj. Major Major Major\n: Whatever has to be done.\nFirst Sgt. Towser\n: Yes, sir.\nMaj. Major Major Major\n: Is something wrong?\nTappman\n: No, no. I... just thought I saw something.\nMaj. Major Major Major\n: A naked man in a tree?\nTappman\n: Yes, that's it.\nDanby\n:\n[looking through binoculars]\nThat's just Yossarian.\n1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\n: Nately died a wealthy man, Yossarian. He had over sixty shares in the syndicate.\nYossarian\n: What difference does that make? He's dead.\n1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\n: Then his family will get it.\nYossarian\n: He didn't have time to have a family.\n1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\n: Then his parents will get it.\nYossarian\n: They don't need it, they're rich.\n1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\n: Then they'll understand.\nYossarian\n: He was very old.\nLuciana\n: But he was a boy.\nYossarian\n: Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.\nColonel Cathcart\n:\n[as the base is being bombed in an air raid]\nWhat are you doing, Yossarian! Get off the field!\n[Yossarian fires a Colt .45 at him, but it clicks, empty]\nColonel Cathcart\n: I wanna' see you later. You're confined to the base. I won't forget this!\nYossarian\n: I don't think the Air Force is gonna' forget about\nthis\n!\nColonel Cathcart\n: Don't be ridiculous! What's good for M&M Enterprises is good for the Air Force! We had to get rid of that cotton. The Germans promised to take it off our hands, if we ran this mission for them! It's all part of the deal!\nLt. Col. Korn, XO\n:\n[loud bomb explosion is heard]\nThere goes the Officer's Club!\nYossarian\n: You made a deal with the Germans to bomb our own base?\nColonel Cathcart\n: A contract is a contract! That's what we're fighting for!\n[Yossarian leaps out of the hospital window, fleeing the base.]\nDanby\n: Yossarian!\nYossarian\n: I can do it, Danby!\nTappman\n: They'll catch you, they'll bring you back!\nYossarian\n: I can do it!\nDanby\n: This is insane!\nYossarian\n: I can do it!\nTappman\n: What about your clothes?\nYossarian\n: They'll never recognize me without my uniform!\nDanby\n: You'll be on the run with no friends! You'll live in constant danger of betrayal!\nYossarian\n:\n[laughs]\nI live that way now.\nDanby\n: Yossarian, for God's sake, hurry up!\nYossarian\n: So long, Chaplain!\nTappman\n: How do you feel, Yossarian?\nYossarian\n: Fine... because I'm scared to death.\nDanby\n: You'll have to keep on your toes every minute.\nYossarian\n: I'll keep on my toes.\nTappman\n: You'll have to jump.\nYossarian\n: I'll jump.\nTappman\n: JUMP!\n[Yossarian jumps over a ditch and runs to the sea while inflating a life raft. He leaps into the sea, paddling furiously, and is gone]\nAlan Arkin\n- Captain John Yossarian\nBob Balaban\n- Captain Orr\nMartin Balsam\n- Colonel Cathcart\nBuck Henry\n- Lt. Colonel Korn\nRichard Benjamin\n- Major Danby\nSusanne Benton\n- Dreedle's WAC\nMarcel Dalio\n- Old Man in Whorehouse\nNorman Fell\n- First Sgt. Towser\nArt Garfunkel\n- Lt. Nately\nJack Gilford\n- Dr. \"Doc\" Daneeka\nCharles Grodin\n- Captain \"Aarfy\" Aardvark\nBob Newhart\n- Captain\/Major Major\nAustin Pendleton\n- Lt. Col. Moodus\nAnthony Perkins\n- Capt. Fr. A. T. Tappman\nPaula Prentiss\n- Nurse Duckett\nMartin Sheen\n- 1st Lt. Dobbs\nJon Voight\n- 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\nOrson Welles\n- Brigadier General Dreedle","attrs_markdown":"[Jump to content](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Catch-22_\\(film\\)#bodyContent)\n\nMain menu\n\nMain menu\n\nmove to sidebar\n\nhide\n\nNavigation\n\n- [Main page](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Main_Page \"Visit the main page [alt-z]\")\n- [Community portal](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Wikiquote:Community_Portal \"About the project, what you can do, where to find things\")\n- [Village pump](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Wikiquote:Village_pump)\n- [Recent changes](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Special:RecentChanges \"A list of recent changes in the wiki [alt-r]\")\n- [Random page](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Special:Random \"Load a random page [alt-x]\")\n- [Help](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Help:Contents \"The place to find out\")\n- [Contact Wikiquote](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Wikiquote:Contact_us)\n\nWikiquote links\n\n- 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is always in light mode.\n\n- [Donate](https:\/\/donate.wikimedia.org\/?wmf_source=donate&wmf_medium=sidebar&wmf_campaign=en.wikiquote.org&uselang=en)\n- [Create account](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Special:CreateAccount&returnto=Catch-22+%28film%29 \"You are encouraged to create an account and log in; however, it is not mandatory\")\n- [Log in](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Special:UserLogin&returnto=Catch-22+%28film%29 \"You are encouraged to log in; however, it is not mandatory [alt-o]\")\n\nPersonal tools\n\n- [Donate](https:\/\/donate.wikimedia.org\/?wmf_source=donate&wmf_medium=sidebar&wmf_campaign=en.wikiquote.org&uselang=en)\n- [Create account](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Special:CreateAccount&returnto=Catch-22+%28film%29 \"You are encouraged to create an account and log in; however, it is not mandatory\")\n- [Log in](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Special:UserLogin&returnto=Catch-22+%28film%29 \"You are encouraged to log in; however, it is not mandatory [alt-o]\")\n\n\\[[hide]()\\]\n\n*Your **[continued donations](https:\/\/donate.wikimedia.org\/?utm_source=donate&utm_medium=sitenotice&utm_campaign=20070429_anonnotice_en.wikiquote.org)** keep Wikiquote running\\!*\n\nToggle the table of contents\n\n## Contents\nmove to sidebar\n\nhide\n\n- [Beginning](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Catch-22_\\(film\\))\n- [1 Major Danby](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Catch-22_\\(film\\)#Major_Danby)\n- [2 Other](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Catch-22_\\(film\\)#Other)\n- [3 Dialogue](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Catch-22_\\(film\\)#Dialogue)\n- [4 Cast](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Catch-22_\\(film\\)#Cast)\n- [5 External links](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Catch-22_\\(film\\)#External_links)\n# *Catch-22* (film)\n2 languages\n\n- [Italiano](https:\/\/it.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Comma_22 \"Comma 22 – Italian\")\n- [Русский](https:\/\/ru.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/%D0%A3%D0%BB%D0%BE%D0%B2%D0%BA%D0%B0-22_\\(%D1%84%D0%B8%D0%BB%D1%8C%D0%BC\\) \"Уловка-22 (фильм) – Russian\")\n\n[Edit links](https:\/\/www.wikidata.org\/wiki\/Special:EntityPage\/Q1050533#sitelinks-wikiquote \"Edit interlanguage links\")\n\n- [Page](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Catch-22_\\(film\\) \"View the content page [alt-c]\")\n- [Discussion](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Talk:Catch-22_\\(film\\)&action=edit&redlink=1 \"Discussion about the content page (page does not exist) [alt-t]\")\n\nEnglish\n\n- [Read](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Catch-22_\\(film\\))\n- [Edit](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Catch-22_\\(film\\)&action=edit \"Edit this page [alt-e]\")\n- [View history](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Catch-22_\\(film\\)&action=history \"Past revisions of this page [alt-h]\")\n\nTools\n\nTools\n\nmove to sidebar\n\nhide\n\nActions\n\n- [Read](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Catch-22_\\(film\\))\n- [Edit](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Catch-22_\\(film\\)&action=edit \"Edit this page [alt-e]\")\n- [View history](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Catch-22_\\(film\\)&action=history)\n\nGeneral\n\n- [What links here](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Special:WhatLinksHere\/Catch-22_\\(film\\) \"A list of all wiki pages that link here [alt-j]\")\n- [Related changes](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Special:RecentChangesLinked\/Catch-22_\\(film\\) \"Recent changes in pages linked from this page [alt-k]\")\n- [Upload file](https:\/\/commons.wikimedia.org\/wiki\/Special:UploadWizard \"Upload files [alt-u]\")\n- [Permanent link](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Catch-22_\\(film\\)&oldid=3888697 \"Permanent link to this revision of this page\")\n- [Page information](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Catch-22_\\(film\\)&action=info \"More information about this page\")\n- [Cite this page](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Special:CiteThisPage&page=Catch-22_%28film%29&id=3888697&wpFormIdentifier=titleform \"Information on how to cite this page\")\n- [Get shortened URL](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Special:UrlShortener&url=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikiquote.org%2Fwiki%2FCatch-22_%28film%29)\n- [Edit interlanguage links](https:\/\/www.wikidata.org\/wiki\/Special:EntityPage\/Q1050533#sitelinks-wikiquote \"Edit interlanguage links\")\n\nPrint\/export\n\n- [Create a book](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Special:Book&bookcmd=book_creator&referer=Catch-22+%28film%29)\n- [Download as PDF](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Special:DownloadAsPdf&page=Catch-22_%28film%29&action=show-download-screen)\n- [Printable version](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Catch-22_\\(film\\)&printable=yes \"Printable version of this page [alt-p]\")\n\nIn other projects\n\n- [Wikimedia Commons](https:\/\/commons.wikimedia.org\/wiki\/Category:Catch-22_\\(film\\))\n- [Wikipedia](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Catch-22_\\(film\\))\n- [Wikidata item](https:\/\/www.wikidata.org\/wiki\/Special:EntityPage\/Q1050533 \"Link to connected data repository item [alt-g]\")\n\nFrom Wikiquote\n\n***[Catch-22](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Catch-22_\\(film\\) \"w:Catch-22 (film)\")*** is a [1970](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/1970_in_film \"w:1970 in film\") [black comedy](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/black_comedy \"w:black comedy\") film about a man who is trying desperately to be certified insane during World War II, so he can stop flying missions.\n\n*Directed by [Mike Nichols](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Mike_Nichols \"w:Mike Nichols\"). Written by [Buck Henry](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Buck_Henry \"w:Buck Henry\"), based on the [book of the same name](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Catch-22 \"Catch-22\") by [Joseph Heller](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Joseph_Heller \"Joseph Heller\").*\n\n**The anti-war satire of epic proportions.**\n\n## Major Danby\n\\[[edit](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Catch-22_\\(film\\)&action=edit&section=1 \"Edit section: Major Danby\")\\]\n\n- Weather conditions have improved tremendously over the mainland, so you won't have any trouble at all seeing the target. Of course, we mustn't forget, that means that they won't have any trouble at all seeing you.\n\n## Other\n\\[[edit](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Catch-22_\\(film\\)&action=edit&section=2 \"Edit section: Other\")\\]\n\n- **General Dreedle**: Get back in the car, you smirking slut\\!\n\n## Dialogue\n\\[[edit](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Catch-22_\\(film\\)&action=edit&section=3 \"Edit section: Dialogue\")\\]\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: You see, Italy is a very poor, weak country and that is what makes us so strong, strong enough to survive this war and still be in existence, long after your country has been destroyed.\n\n**Capt. Nately**: What are you talking about? America is not going to be destroyed.\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: Never?\n\n**Capt. Nately**: Well...\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: Rome was destroyed. Greece was destroyed. Persia was destroyed. Spain was destroyed. All great countries are destroyed. Why not yours? How much longer do you think your country will last? Forever?\n\n**Capt. Nately**: Well, forever is a long time.\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: Very long.\n***\n**Capt. Nately**: Don't you have any principles?\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: Of course not\\!\n\n**Capt. Nately**: No morality?\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: I'm a very moral man, and Italy is a very moral country. That's why we will certainly come out on top again if we succeed in being defeated.\n\n**Capt. Nately**: You talk like a madman.\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: But I live like a sane one. I was a fascist when [Mussolini](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Benito_Mussolini \"Benito Mussolini\") was on top. Now that he has been deposed, I am anti-fascist. When the Germans were here, I was fanatically pro-German. Now I'm fanatically pro-American. You'll find no more loyal partisan in all of Italy than myself.\n\n**Capt. Nately**: You're a shameful opportunist! What you don't understand is that it's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: You have it backwards. It's better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. I know.\n\n**Capt. Nately**: How do you know?\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: Because I am 107-years-old. How old are you?\n\n**Capt. Nately**: I'll be 20 in January.\n\n**Old man in whorehouse** *(with pity)*: If you live.\n***\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: We're gonna come out of this war rich\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: *You're* gonna come out rich. We're gonna come out dead.\n***\n**Doc Daneeka**: You're wasting your time\n\n**Yossarian**: Can't you ground someone who's crazy?\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: Oh, sure. I have to. There's a rule saying I have to ground anyone who's crazy.\n\n**Yossarian**: Then why don't you ground me? I'm crazy. Ask Clevinger.\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: Clevinger? Where is Clevinger? You find Clevinger and I'll ask him.\n\n**Yossarian**: Then ask any of the others. They'll tell you how crazy I am.\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: They're crazy\n\n**Yossarian**: Then why don't you ground them?\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: Why don't they ask me to ground them?\n\n**Yossarian**: Because they're crazy, that's why.\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: Of course they're crazy, I just told you they're crazy, didn't I? And you can't let crazy people decide if they crazy or not.\n\n**Yossarian**: Is Orr crazy?\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: He sure is.\n\n**Yossarian**: Can you ground him?\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: I sure can. But first he has to ask me to. That's part of the rule.\n\n**Yossarian**: Then why doesn't he ask you to?\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: Because he's crazy, He has to be crazy to keep flying combat missions after all the close calls he's had. Sure, I can ground Orr. But first he has to ask me to.\n\n**Yossarian**: That's all he has to do to be grounded?\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: That's all. Let him ask me.\n\n**Yossarian**: And then you can ground him?\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: No. Then I can*not* ground him. *(Yossarian cries out in frustration)* See, there's a catch, Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy.\n\n**Yossarian**: That's some catch, that Catch-22.\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: It's the best there is.\n***\n**Yossarian**: Those bastards are trying to kill me.\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: No one is trying to kill you sweetheart. Now eat your dessert like a good boy.\n\n**Yossarian**: Oh yeah? Then why are they shooting at me Milo?\n\n**Dobbs**: They're shooting at everyone Yossarian.\n\n**Yossarian**: And what difference does that make?\n\n**Dobbs**: Look Yossarian, suppose, I mean just suppose everyone thought the same way you do.\n\n**Yossarian**: Then I'd be a damn fool to think any different.\n***\n**Colonel Cathcart**: You're a disgrace. I'd like to know how you got to be a Captain, anyway.\n\n**Yossarian**: You promoted me.\n\n**Colonel Cathcart**: That has got nothing to do with it.\n***\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: Yossarian, I want you to do something for me. *\\[removes item from small bag\\]* I want to serve this to the men. Taste it and let me know what you think.\n\n*\\[Yossarian takes a bite\\]*\n\n**Yossarian**: What is it?\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: Chocolate-covered cotton.\n\n**Yossarian**: What are you, crazy?\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: No good, huh?\n\n**Yossarian**: For Christ's sake, you didn't even take the seeds out\\!\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: Is it really that bad?\n\n**Yossarian**: It's cotton\\!\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: They've got to learn to like it\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: Why?\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: Look, I saw this great opportunity to corner the market in Egyptian cotton. How was I supposed to know there was going to be a glut? I've got a hundred warehouses stacked with the stuff all over the European theater. I can't get rid of a penny's worth. People eat cotton candy, don't they? Well this stuff is better - it's made out of real cotton.\n\n**Yossarian**: Milo, people can't eat cotton\\!\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: They've got to - it's for the Syndicate\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: It will make them sick! - why don't you try it yourself if you don't believe me?\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: I did - and it made me sick.\n***\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: Sergeant, from now on, I don't want anyone to come in and see me while I'm in my office. Is that clear?\n\n**First Sgt. Towser**: Yes, sir. What do I say to people who want to come in and see you while you're in your office?\n\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: Tell them I'm in and ask them to wait.\n\n**First Sgt. Towser**: For how long?\n\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: Until I've left.\n\n**First Sgt. Towser**: And then what do I do with them?\n\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: I don't care.\n\n**First Sgt. Towser**: May I send people in to see you after you've left?\n\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: Yes.\n\n**First Sgt. Towser**: You won't be here then, will you?\n\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: No.\n\n**First Sgt. Towse**r: I see, sir. Will that be all?\n\n**Maj. Major Major Majo**r: Also, Sergeant, I don't want you coming in while I'm in my office asking me if there's anything you can do for me. Is that clear?\n\n**First Sgt. Towser**: Yes, sir. When should I come in your office and ask if there's anything I can do for you?\n\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: When I'm not there.\n\n**First Sgt. Towser**: What do I do then?\n\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: Whatever has to be done.\n\n**First Sgt. Towser**: Yes, sir.\n***\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: Is something wrong?\n\n**Tappman**: No, no. I... just thought I saw something.\n\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: A naked man in a tree?\n\n**Tappman**: Yes, that's it.\n\n**Danby**: *\\[looking through binoculars\\]* That's just Yossarian.\n***\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: Nately died a wealthy man, Yossarian. He had over sixty shares in the syndicate.\n\n**Yossarian**: What difference does that make? He's dead.\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: Then his family will get it.\n\n**Yossarian**: He didn't have time to have a family.\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: Then his parents will get it.\n\n**Yossarian**: They don't need it, they're rich.\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: Then they'll understand.\n***\n**Yossarian**: He was very old.\n\n**Luciana**: But he was a boy.\n\n**Yossarian**: Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.\n***\n**Colonel Cathcart**: *\\[as the base is being bombed in an air raid\\]* What are you doing, Yossarian! Get off the field\\!\n\n*\\[Yossarian fires a Colt .45 at him, but it clicks, empty\\]*\n\n**Colonel Cathcart**: I wanna' see you later. You're confined to the base. I won't forget this\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: I don't think the Air Force is gonna' forget about *this*\\!\n\n**Colonel Cathcart**: Don't be ridiculous! What's good for M\\&M Enterprises is good for the Air Force! We had to get rid of that cotton. The Germans promised to take it off our hands, if we ran this mission for them! It's all part of the deal\\!\n\n**Lt. Col. Korn, XO**: *\\[loud bomb explosion is heard\\]* There goes the Officer's Club\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: You made a deal with the Germans to bomb our own base?\n\n**Colonel Cathcart**: A contract is a contract! That's what we're fighting for\\!\n***\n*\\[Yossarian leaps out of the hospital window, fleeing the base.\\]*\n\n**Danby**: Yossarian\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: I can do it, Danby\\!\n\n**Tappman**: They'll catch you, they'll bring you back\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: I can do it\\!\n\n**Danby**: This is insane\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: I can do it\\!\n\n**Tappman**: What about your clothes?\n\n**Yossarian**: They'll never recognize me without my uniform\\!\n\n**Danby**: You'll be on the run with no friends! You'll live in constant danger of betrayal\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: *\\[laughs\\]* I live that way now.\n\n**Danby**: Yossarian, for God's sake, hurry up\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: So long, Chaplain\\!\n\n**Tappman**: How do you feel, Yossarian?\n\n**Yossarian**: Fine... because I'm scared to death.\n\n**Danby**: You'll have to keep on your toes every minute.\n\n**Yossarian**: I'll keep on my toes.\n\n**Tappman**: You'll have to jump.\n\n**Yossarian**: I'll jump.\n\n**Tappman**: JUMP\\!\n\n*\\[Yossarian jumps over a ditch and runs to the sea while inflating a life raft. He leaps into the sea, paddling furiously, and is gone\\]*\n\n## Cast\n\\[[edit](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Catch-22_\\(film\\)&action=edit&section=4 \"Edit section: Cast\")\\]\n\n- [Alan Arkin](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Alan_Arkin \"w:Alan Arkin\") - Captain John Yossarian\n- [Bob Balaban](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Bob_Balaban \"w:Bob Balaban\") - Captain Orr\n- [Martin Balsam](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Martin_Balsam \"w:Martin Balsam\") - Colonel Cathcart\n- [Buck Henry](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Buck_Henry \"w:Buck Henry\") - Lt. Colonel Korn\n- [Richard Benjamin](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Richard_Benjamin \"w:Richard Benjamin\") - Major Danby\n- [Susanne Benton](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Susanne_Benton \"w:Susanne Benton\") - Dreedle's WAC\n- [Marcel Dalio](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Marcel_Dalio \"w:Marcel Dalio\") - Old Man in Whorehouse\n- [Norman Fell](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Norman_Fell \"w:Norman Fell\") - First Sgt. Towser\n- [Art Garfunkel](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Art_Garfunkel \"Art Garfunkel\") - Lt. Nately\n- [Jack Gilford](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Jack_Gilford \"w:Jack Gilford\") - Dr. \"Doc\" Daneeka\n- [Charles Grodin](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Charles_Grodin \"w:Charles Grodin\") - Captain \"Aarfy\" Aardvark\n- [Bob Newhart](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Bob_Newhart \"w:Bob Newhart\") - Captain\/Major Major\n- [Austin Pendleton](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Austin_Pendleton \"w:Austin Pendleton\") - Lt. Col. Moodus\n- [Anthony Perkins](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Anthony_Perkins \"w:Anthony Perkins\") - Capt. Fr. A. T. Tappman\n- [Paula Prentiss](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Paula_Prentiss \"w:Paula Prentiss\") - Nurse Duckett\n- [Martin Sheen](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Martin_Sheen \"Martin Sheen\") - 1st Lt. Dobbs\n- [Jon Voight](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Jon_Voight \"Jon Voight\") - 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\n- [Orson Welles](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Orson_Welles \"Orson Welles\") - Brigadier General Dreedle\n\n## External links\n\\[[edit](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Catch-22_\\(film\\)&action=edit&section=5 \"Edit section: External links\")\\]\n\n- ![](https:\/\/upload.wikimedia.org\/wikipedia\/commons\/thumb\/8\/80\/Wikipedia-logo-v2.svg\/20px-Wikipedia-logo-v2.svg.png) Encyclopedic article on [*Catch-22* (film)](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Catch-22_\\(film\\) \"w:Catch-22 (film)\") on Wikipedia\n- ![](https:\/\/upload.wikimedia.org\/wikipedia\/commons\/thumb\/4\/4a\/Commons-logo.svg\/20px-Commons-logo.svg.png) Media related to [*Catch-22* (film)](https:\/\/commons.wikimedia.org\/wiki\/category:Catch-22_\\(film\\) \"commons:category:Catch-22 (film)\") on Wikimedia Commons\n- [*Catch-22*](https:\/\/www.imdb.com\/title\/tt0065528\/quotes) quotes at the [Internet Movie Database](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Internet_Movie_Database \"w:Internet Movie Database\")\n- [*Catch-22*](http:\/\/www.rottentomatoes.com\/m\/catch22\/) at [Rotten Tomatoes](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Rotten_Tomatoes \"w:Rotten Tomatoes\")\n\n![](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Special:CentralAutoLogin\/start?useformat=desktop&type=1x1&usesul3=1)\n\nRetrieved from \"<https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Catch-22_(film)&oldid=3888697>\"\n\n[Categories](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Special:Categories \"Special:Categories\"):\n\n- [1970 films](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Category:1970_films \"Category:1970 films\")\n- [1970s American films](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Category:1970s_American_films \"Category:1970s American films\")\n- [Black comedy films](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Category:Black_comedy_films \"Category:Black comedy films\")\n- [World War II films](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Category:World_War_II_films \"Category:World War II films\")\n- [Films based on novels](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Category:Films_based_on_novels \"Category:Films based on novels\")\n- [Anti-war films](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Category:Anti-war_films \"Category:Anti-war films\")\n- [Military comedy films](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Category:Military_comedy_films \"Category:Military comedy films\")\n- [Films directed by Mike Nichols](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Category:Films_directed_by_Mike_Nichols \"Category:Films directed by Mike Nichols\")\n\n- This page was last edited on 4 February 2026, at 16:18.\n- Text is available under the [Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License](https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-sa\/4.0\/); additional terms may apply. By using this site, you agree to the [Terms of Use](https:\/\/foundation.wikimedia.org\/wiki\/Special:MyLanguage\/Policy:Terms_of_Use) and [Privacy Policy.](https:\/\/foundation.wikimedia.org\/wiki\/Special:MyLanguage\/Policy:Privacy_policy)\n\n- [Privacy policy](https:\/\/foundation.wikimedia.org\/wiki\/Special:MyLanguage\/Policy:Privacy_policy)\n- [About Wikiquote](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Wikiquote:About)\n- [Disclaimers](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Wikiquote:General_disclaimer)\n- [Code of Conduct](https:\/\/foundation.wikimedia.org\/wiki\/Special:MyLanguage\/Policy:Universal_Code_of_Conduct)\n- [Developers](https:\/\/developer.wikimedia.org\/)\n- [Statistics](https:\/\/stats.wikimedia.org\/#\/en.wikiquote.org)\n- [Cookie statement](https:\/\/foundation.wikimedia.org\/wiki\/Special:MyLanguage\/Policy:Cookie_statement)\n- [Mobile view](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/index.php?title=Catch-22_\\(film\\)&mobileaction=toggle_view_mobile)\n\n- [![Wikimedia Foundation](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/static\/images\/footer\/wikimedia.svg)](https:\/\/www.wikimedia.org\/)\n- [![Powered by MediaWiki](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/w\/resources\/assets\/mediawiki_compact.svg)](https:\/\/www.mediawiki.org\/)\n\nSearch\n\nToggle the table of contents\n\n*Catch-22* (film)\n\n2 languages\n\n[Add topic](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Catch-22_\\(film\\))","attrs_readable_markdown":"***[Catch-22](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Catch-22_\\(film\\) \"w:Catch-22 (film)\")*** is a [1970](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/1970_in_film \"w:1970 in film\") [black comedy](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/black_comedy \"w:black comedy\") film about a man who is trying desperately to be certified insane during World War II, so he can stop flying missions.\n\n*Directed by [Mike Nichols](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Mike_Nichols \"w:Mike Nichols\"). Written by [Buck Henry](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Buck_Henry \"w:Buck Henry\"), based on the [book of the same name](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Catch-22 \"Catch-22\") by [Joseph Heller](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Joseph_Heller \"Joseph Heller\").*\n\n**The anti-war satire of epic proportions.**\n\n- Weather conditions have improved tremendously over the mainland, so you won't have any trouble at all seeing the target. Of course, we mustn't forget, that means that they won't have any trouble at all seeing you.\n\n- **General Dreedle**: Get back in the car, you smirking slut\\!\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: You see, Italy is a very poor, weak country and that is what makes us so strong, strong enough to survive this war and still be in existence, long after your country has been destroyed.\n\n**Capt. Nately**: What are you talking about? America is not going to be destroyed.\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: Never?\n\n**Capt. Nately**: Well...\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: Rome was destroyed. Greece was destroyed. Persia was destroyed. Spain was destroyed. All great countries are destroyed. Why not yours? How much longer do you think your country will last? Forever?\n\n**Capt. Nately**: Well, forever is a long time.\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: Very long.\n***\n**Capt. Nately**: Don't you have any principles?\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: Of course not\\!\n\n**Capt. Nately**: No morality?\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: I'm a very moral man, and Italy is a very moral country. That's why we will certainly come out on top again if we succeed in being defeated.\n\n**Capt. Nately**: You talk like a madman.\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: But I live like a sane one. I was a fascist when [Mussolini](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Benito_Mussolini \"Benito Mussolini\") was on top. Now that he has been deposed, I am anti-fascist. When the Germans were here, I was fanatically pro-German. Now I'm fanatically pro-American. You'll find no more loyal partisan in all of Italy than myself.\n\n**Capt. Nately**: You're a shameful opportunist! What you don't understand is that it's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: You have it backwards. It's better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. I know.\n\n**Capt. Nately**: How do you know?\n\n**Old man in whorehouse**: Because I am 107-years-old. How old are you?\n\n**Capt. Nately**: I'll be 20 in January.\n\n**Old man in whorehouse** *(with pity)*: If you live.\n***\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: We're gonna come out of this war rich\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: *You're* gonna come out rich. We're gonna come out dead.\n***\n**Doc Daneeka**: You're wasting your time\n\n**Yossarian**: Can't you ground someone who's crazy?\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: Oh, sure. I have to. There's a rule saying I have to ground anyone who's crazy.\n\n**Yossarian**: Then why don't you ground me? I'm crazy. Ask Clevinger.\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: Clevinger? Where is Clevinger? You find Clevinger and I'll ask him.\n\n**Yossarian**: Then ask any of the others. They'll tell you how crazy I am.\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: They're crazy\n\n**Yossarian**: Then why don't you ground them?\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: Why don't they ask me to ground them?\n\n**Yossarian**: Because they're crazy, that's why.\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: Of course they're crazy, I just told you they're crazy, didn't I? And you can't let crazy people decide if they crazy or not.\n\n**Yossarian**: Is Orr crazy?\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: He sure is.\n\n**Yossarian**: Can you ground him?\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: I sure can. But first he has to ask me to. That's part of the rule.\n\n**Yossarian**: Then why doesn't he ask you to?\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: Because he's crazy, He has to be crazy to keep flying combat missions after all the close calls he's had. Sure, I can ground Orr. But first he has to ask me to.\n\n**Yossarian**: That's all he has to do to be grounded?\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: That's all. Let him ask me.\n\n**Yossarian**: And then you can ground him?\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: No. Then I can*not* ground him. *(Yossarian cries out in frustration)* See, there's a catch, Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy.\n\n**Yossarian**: That's some catch, that Catch-22.\n\n**Doc Daneeka**: It's the best there is.\n***\n**Yossarian**: Those bastards are trying to kill me.\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: No one is trying to kill you sweetheart. Now eat your dessert like a good boy.\n\n**Yossarian**: Oh yeah? Then why are they shooting at me Milo?\n\n**Dobbs**: They're shooting at everyone Yossarian.\n\n**Yossarian**: And what difference does that make?\n\n**Dobbs**: Look Yossarian, suppose, I mean just suppose everyone thought the same way you do.\n\n**Yossarian**: Then I'd be a damn fool to think any different.\n***\n**Colonel Cathcart**: You're a disgrace. I'd like to know how you got to be a Captain, anyway.\n\n**Yossarian**: You promoted me.\n\n**Colonel Cathcart**: That has got nothing to do with it.\n***\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: Yossarian, I want you to do something for me. *\\[removes item from small bag\\]* I want to serve this to the men. Taste it and let me know what you think.\n\n*\\[Yossarian takes a bite\\]*\n\n**Yossarian**: What is it?\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: Chocolate-covered cotton.\n\n**Yossarian**: What are you, crazy?\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: No good, huh?\n\n**Yossarian**: For Christ's sake, you didn't even take the seeds out\\!\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: Is it really that bad?\n\n**Yossarian**: It's cotton\\!\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: They've got to learn to like it\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: Why?\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: Look, I saw this great opportunity to corner the market in Egyptian cotton. How was I supposed to know there was going to be a glut? I've got a hundred warehouses stacked with the stuff all over the European theater. I can't get rid of a penny's worth. People eat cotton candy, don't they? Well this stuff is better - it's made out of real cotton.\n\n**Yossarian**: Milo, people can't eat cotton\\!\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: They've got to - it's for the Syndicate\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: It will make them sick! - why don't you try it yourself if you don't believe me?\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: I did - and it made me sick.\n***\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: Sergeant, from now on, I don't want anyone to come in and see me while I'm in my office. Is that clear?\n\n**First Sgt. Towser**: Yes, sir. What do I say to people who want to come in and see you while you're in your office?\n\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: Tell them I'm in and ask them to wait.\n\n**First Sgt. Towser**: For how long?\n\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: Until I've left.\n\n**First Sgt. Towser**: And then what do I do with them?\n\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: I don't care.\n\n**First Sgt. Towser**: May I send people in to see you after you've left?\n\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: Yes.\n\n**First Sgt. Towser**: You won't be here then, will you?\n\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: No.\n\n**First Sgt. Towse**r: I see, sir. Will that be all?\n\n**Maj. Major Major Majo**r: Also, Sergeant, I don't want you coming in while I'm in my office asking me if there's anything you can do for me. Is that clear?\n\n**First Sgt. Towser**: Yes, sir. When should I come in your office and ask if there's anything I can do for you?\n\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: When I'm not there.\n\n**First Sgt. Towser**: What do I do then?\n\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: Whatever has to be done.\n\n**First Sgt. Towser**: Yes, sir.\n***\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: Is something wrong?\n\n**Tappman**: No, no. I... just thought I saw something.\n\n**Maj. Major Major Major**: A naked man in a tree?\n\n**Tappman**: Yes, that's it.\n\n**Danby**: *\\[looking through binoculars\\]* That's just Yossarian.\n***\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: Nately died a wealthy man, Yossarian. He had over sixty shares in the syndicate.\n\n**Yossarian**: What difference does that make? He's dead.\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: Then his family will get it.\n\n**Yossarian**: He didn't have time to have a family.\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: Then his parents will get it.\n\n**Yossarian**: They don't need it, they're rich.\n\n**1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder**: Then they'll understand.\n***\n**Yossarian**: He was very old.\n\n**Luciana**: But he was a boy.\n\n**Yossarian**: Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.\n***\n**Colonel Cathcart**: *\\[as the base is being bombed in an air raid\\]* What are you doing, Yossarian! Get off the field\\!\n\n*\\[Yossarian fires a Colt .45 at him, but it clicks, empty\\]*\n\n**Colonel Cathcart**: I wanna' see you later. You're confined to the base. I won't forget this\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: I don't think the Air Force is gonna' forget about *this*\\!\n\n**Colonel Cathcart**: Don't be ridiculous! What's good for M\\&M Enterprises is good for the Air Force! We had to get rid of that cotton. The Germans promised to take it off our hands, if we ran this mission for them! It's all part of the deal\\!\n\n**Lt. Col. Korn, XO**: *\\[loud bomb explosion is heard\\]* There goes the Officer's Club\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: You made a deal with the Germans to bomb our own base?\n\n**Colonel Cathcart**: A contract is a contract! That's what we're fighting for\\!\n***\n*\\[Yossarian leaps out of the hospital window, fleeing the base.\\]*\n\n**Danby**: Yossarian\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: I can do it, Danby\\!\n\n**Tappman**: They'll catch you, they'll bring you back\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: I can do it\\!\n\n**Danby**: This is insane\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: I can do it\\!\n\n**Tappman**: What about your clothes?\n\n**Yossarian**: They'll never recognize me without my uniform\\!\n\n**Danby**: You'll be on the run with no friends! You'll live in constant danger of betrayal\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: *\\[laughs\\]* I live that way now.\n\n**Danby**: Yossarian, for God's sake, hurry up\\!\n\n**Yossarian**: So long, Chaplain\\!\n\n**Tappman**: How do you feel, Yossarian?\n\n**Yossarian**: Fine... because I'm scared to death.\n\n**Danby**: You'll have to keep on your toes every minute.\n\n**Yossarian**: I'll keep on my toes.\n\n**Tappman**: You'll have to jump.\n\n**Yossarian**: I'll jump.\n\n**Tappman**: JUMP\\!\n\n*\\[Yossarian jumps over a ditch and runs to the sea while inflating a life raft. He leaps into the sea, paddling furiously, and is gone\\]*\n\n- [Alan Arkin](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Alan_Arkin \"w:Alan Arkin\") - Captain John Yossarian\n- [Bob Balaban](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Bob_Balaban \"w:Bob Balaban\") - Captain Orr\n- [Martin Balsam](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Martin_Balsam \"w:Martin Balsam\") - Colonel Cathcart\n- [Buck Henry](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Buck_Henry \"w:Buck Henry\") - Lt. Colonel Korn\n- [Richard Benjamin](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Richard_Benjamin \"w:Richard Benjamin\") - Major Danby\n- [Susanne Benton](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Susanne_Benton \"w:Susanne Benton\") - Dreedle's WAC\n- [Marcel Dalio](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Marcel_Dalio \"w:Marcel Dalio\") - Old Man in Whorehouse\n- [Norman Fell](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Norman_Fell \"w:Norman Fell\") - First Sgt. Towser\n- [Art Garfunkel](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Art_Garfunkel \"Art Garfunkel\") - Lt. Nately\n- [Jack Gilford](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Jack_Gilford \"w:Jack Gilford\") - Dr. \"Doc\" Daneeka\n- [Charles Grodin](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Charles_Grodin \"w:Charles Grodin\") - Captain \"Aarfy\" Aardvark\n- [Bob Newhart](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Bob_Newhart \"w:Bob Newhart\") - Captain\/Major Major\n- [Austin Pendleton](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Austin_Pendleton \"w:Austin Pendleton\") - Lt. Col. Moodus\n- [Anthony Perkins](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Anthony_Perkins \"w:Anthony Perkins\") - Capt. Fr. A. T. Tappman\n- [Paula Prentiss](https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Paula_Prentiss \"w:Paula Prentiss\") - Nurse Duckett\n- [Martin Sheen](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Martin_Sheen \"Martin Sheen\") - 1st Lt. Dobbs\n- [Jon Voight](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Jon_Voight \"Jon Voight\") - 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder\n- [Orson Welles](https:\/\/en.wikiquote.org\/wiki\/Orson_Welles \"Orson Welles\") - Brigadier General Dreedle","meta_canonical":null}

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URL	https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Catch-22_(film)
Last Crawled	2026-04-09 10:06:55 (6 days ago)
First Indexed	2015-03-03 19:58:37 (11 years ago)
HTTP Status Code	200
Meta Title	Catch-22 (film) - Wikiquote
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Boilerpipe Text	Catch-22 is a 1970 black comedy film about a man who is trying desperately to be certified insane during World War II, so he can stop flying missions. Directed by Mike Nichols . Written by Buck Henry , based on the book of the same name by Joseph Heller . The anti-war satire of epic proportions. Weather conditions have improved tremendously over the mainland, so you won't have any trouble at all seeing the target. Of course, we mustn't forget, that means that they won't have any trouble at all seeing you. General Dreedle : Get back in the car, you smirking slut! Old man in whorehouse : You see, Italy is a very poor, weak country and that is what makes us so strong, strong enough to survive this war and still be in existence, long after your country has been destroyed. Capt. Nately : What are you talking about? America is not going to be destroyed. Old man in whorehouse : Never? Capt. Nately : Well... Old man in whorehouse : Rome was destroyed. Greece was destroyed. Persia was destroyed. Spain was destroyed. All great countries are destroyed. Why not yours? How much longer do you think your country will last? Forever? Capt. Nately : Well, forever is a long time. Old man in whorehouse : Very long. Capt. Nately : Don't you have any principles? Old man in whorehouse : Of course not! Capt. Nately : No morality? Old man in whorehouse : I'm a very moral man, and Italy is a very moral country. That's why we will certainly come out on top again if we succeed in being defeated. Capt. Nately : You talk like a madman. Old man in whorehouse : But I live like a sane one. I was a fascist when Mussolini was on top. Now that he has been deposed, I am anti-fascist. When the Germans were here, I was fanatically pro-German. Now I'm fanatically pro-American. You'll find no more loyal partisan in all of Italy than myself. Capt. Nately : You're a shameful opportunist! What you don't understand is that it's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. Old man in whorehouse : You have it backwards. It's better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. I know. Capt. Nately : How do you know? Old man in whorehouse : Because I am 107-years-old. How old are you? Capt. Nately : I'll be 20 in January. Old man in whorehouse (with pity) : If you live. 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder : We're gonna come out of this war rich! Yossarian : You're gonna come out rich. We're gonna come out dead. Doc Daneeka : You're wasting your time Yossarian : Can't you ground someone who's crazy? Doc Daneeka : Oh, sure. I have to. There's a rule saying I have to ground anyone who's crazy. Yossarian : Then why don't you ground me? I'm crazy. Ask Clevinger. Doc Daneeka : Clevinger? Where is Clevinger? You find Clevinger and I'll ask him. Yossarian : Then ask any of the others. They'll tell you how crazy I am. Doc Daneeka : They're crazy Yossarian : Then why don't you ground them? Doc Daneeka : Why don't they ask me to ground them? Yossarian : Because they're crazy, that's why. Doc Daneeka : Of course they're crazy, I just told you they're crazy, didn't I? And you can't let crazy people decide if they crazy or not. Yossarian : Is Orr crazy? Doc Daneeka : He sure is. Yossarian : Can you ground him? Doc Daneeka : I sure can. But first he has to ask me to. That's part of the rule. Yossarian : Then why doesn't he ask you to? Doc Daneeka : Because he's crazy, He has to be crazy to keep flying combat missions after all the close calls he's had. Sure, I can ground Orr. But first he has to ask me to. Yossarian : That's all he has to do to be grounded? Doc Daneeka : That's all. Let him ask me. Yossarian : And then you can ground him? Doc Daneeka : No. Then I can not ground him. (Yossarian cries out in frustration) See, there's a catch, Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy. Yossarian : That's some catch, that Catch-22. Doc Daneeka : It's the best there is. Yossarian : Those bastards are trying to kill me. 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder : No one is trying to kill you sweetheart. Now eat your dessert like a good boy. Yossarian : Oh yeah? Then why are they shooting at me Milo? Dobbs : They're shooting at everyone Yossarian. Yossarian : And what difference does that make? Dobbs : Look Yossarian, suppose, I mean just suppose everyone thought the same way you do. Yossarian : Then I'd be a damn fool to think any different. Colonel Cathcart : You're a disgrace. I'd like to know how you got to be a Captain, anyway. Yossarian : You promoted me. Colonel Cathcart : That has got nothing to do with it. 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder : Yossarian, I want you to do something for me. [removes item from small bag] I want to serve this to the men. Taste it and let me know what you think. [Yossarian takes a bite] Yossarian : What is it? 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder : Chocolate-covered cotton. Yossarian : What are you, crazy? 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder : No good, huh? Yossarian : For Christ's sake, you didn't even take the seeds out! 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder : Is it really that bad? Yossarian : It's cotton! 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder : They've got to learn to like it! Yossarian : Why? 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder : Look, I saw this great opportunity to corner the market in Egyptian cotton. How was I supposed to know there was going to be a glut? I've got a hundred warehouses stacked with the stuff all over the European theater. I can't get rid of a penny's worth. People eat cotton candy, don't they? Well this stuff is better - it's made out of real cotton. Yossarian : Milo, people can't eat cotton! 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder : They've got to - it's for the Syndicate! Yossarian : It will make them sick! - why don't you try it yourself if you don't believe me? 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder : I did - and it made me sick. Maj. Major Major Major : Sergeant, from now on, I don't want anyone to come in and see me while I'm in my office. Is that clear? First Sgt. Towser : Yes, sir. What do I say to people who want to come in and see you while you're in your office? Maj. Major Major Major : Tell them I'm in and ask them to wait. First Sgt. Towser : For how long? Maj. Major Major Major : Until I've left. First Sgt. Towser : And then what do I do with them? Maj. Major Major Major : I don't care. First Sgt. Towser : May I send people in to see you after you've left? Maj. Major Major Major : Yes. First Sgt. Towser : You won't be here then, will you? Maj. Major Major Major : No. First Sgt. Towse r: I see, sir. Will that be all? Maj. Major Major Majo r: Also, Sergeant, I don't want you coming in while I'm in my office asking me if there's anything you can do for me. Is that clear? First Sgt. Towser : Yes, sir. When should I come in your office and ask if there's anything I can do for you? Maj. Major Major Major : When I'm not there. First Sgt. Towser : What do I do then? Maj. Major Major Major : Whatever has to be done. First Sgt. Towser : Yes, sir. Maj. Major Major Major : Is something wrong? Tappman : No, no. I... just thought I saw something. Maj. Major Major Major : A naked man in a tree? Tappman : Yes, that's it. Danby : [looking through binoculars] That's just Yossarian. 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder : Nately died a wealthy man, Yossarian. He had over sixty shares in the syndicate. Yossarian : What difference does that make? He's dead. 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder : Then his family will get it. Yossarian : He didn't have time to have a family. 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder : Then his parents will get it. Yossarian : They don't need it, they're rich. 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder : Then they'll understand. Yossarian : He was very old. Luciana : But he was a boy. Yossarian : Well, he died. You don't get any older than that. Colonel Cathcart : [as the base is being bombed in an air raid] What are you doing, Yossarian! Get off the field! [Yossarian fires a Colt .45 at him, but it clicks, empty] Colonel Cathcart : I wanna' see you later. You're confined to the base. I won't forget this! Yossarian : I don't think the Air Force is gonna' forget about this ! Colonel Cathcart : Don't be ridiculous! What's good for M&M Enterprises is good for the Air Force! We had to get rid of that cotton. The Germans promised to take it off our hands, if we ran this mission for them! It's all part of the deal! Lt. Col. Korn, XO : [loud bomb explosion is heard] There goes the Officer's Club! Yossarian : You made a deal with the Germans to bomb our own base? Colonel Cathcart : A contract is a contract! That's what we're fighting for! [Yossarian leaps out of the hospital window, fleeing the base.] Danby : Yossarian! Yossarian : I can do it, Danby! Tappman : They'll catch you, they'll bring you back! Yossarian : I can do it! Danby : This is insane! Yossarian : I can do it! Tappman : What about your clothes? Yossarian : They'll never recognize me without my uniform! Danby : You'll be on the run with no friends! You'll live in constant danger of betrayal! Yossarian : [laughs] I live that way now. Danby : Yossarian, for God's sake, hurry up! Yossarian : So long, Chaplain! Tappman : How do you feel, Yossarian? Yossarian : Fine... because I'm scared to death. Danby : You'll have to keep on your toes every minute. Yossarian : I'll keep on my toes. Tappman : You'll have to jump. Yossarian : I'll jump. Tappman : JUMP! [Yossarian jumps over a ditch and runs to the sea while inflating a life raft. He leaps into the sea, paddling furiously, and is gone] Alan Arkin - Captain John Yossarian Bob Balaban - Captain Orr Martin Balsam - Colonel Cathcart Buck Henry - Lt. Colonel Korn Richard Benjamin - Major Danby Susanne Benton - Dreedle's WAC Marcel Dalio - Old Man in Whorehouse Norman Fell - First Sgt. Towser Art Garfunkel - Lt. Nately Jack Gilford - Dr. "Doc" Daneeka Charles Grodin - Captain "Aarfy" Aardvark Bob Newhart - Captain/Major Major Austin Pendleton - Lt. Col. Moodus Anthony Perkins - Capt. Fr. A. T. Tappman Paula Prentiss - Nurse Duckett Martin Sheen - 1st Lt. Dobbs Jon Voight - 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder Orson Welles - Brigadier General Dreedle
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however, it is not mandatory [alt-o]") \[[hide]()\] Your [continued donations](https://donate.wikimedia.org/?utm_source=donate&utm_medium=sitenotice&utm_campaign=20070429_anonnotice_en.wikiquote.org)* keep Wikiquote running\!* Toggle the table of contents ## Contents move to sidebar hide - [Beginning](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Catch-22_\(film\)) - [1 Major Danby](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Catch-22_\(film\)#Major_Danby) - [2 Other](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Catch-22_\(film\)#Other) - [3 Dialogue](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Catch-22_\(film\)#Dialogue) - [4 Cast](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Catch-22_\(film\)#Cast) - [5 External links](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Catch-22_\(film\)#External_links) # Catch-22 (film) 2 languages - [Italiano](https://it.wikiquote.org/wiki/Comma_22 "Comma 22 – Italian") - [Русский](https://ru.wikiquote.org/wiki/%D0%A3%D0%BB%D0%BE%D0%B2%D0%BA%D0%B0-22_\(%D1%84%D0%B8%D0%BB%D1%8C%D0%BC\) "Уловка-22 (фильм) – Russian") [Edit links](https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Special:EntityPage/Q1050533#sitelinks-wikiquote "Edit interlanguage links") - [Page](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Catch-22_\(film\) "View the content page [alt-c]") - [Discussion](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Catch-22_\(film\)&action=edit&redlink=1 "Discussion about the content page (page does not exist) [alt-t]") English - [Read](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Catch-22_\(film\)) - [Edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Catch-22_\(film\)&action=edit "Edit this page [alt-e]") - [View history](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Catch-22_\(film\)&action=history "Past revisions of this page [alt-h]") Tools Tools move to sidebar hide Actions - [Read](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Catch-22_\(film\)) - [Edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Catch-22_\(film\)&action=edit "Edit this page [alt-e]") - [View history](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Catch-22_\(film\)&action=history) General - [What links here](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:WhatLinksHere/Catch-22_\(film\) "A list of all wiki pages that link here [alt-j]") - [Related changes](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:RecentChangesLinked/Catch-22_\(film\) "Recent changes in pages linked from this page [alt-k]") - [Upload file](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Special:UploadWizard "Upload files [alt-u]") - [Permanent link](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Catch-22_\(film\)&oldid=3888697 "Permanent link to this revision of this page") - [Page information](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Catch-22_\(film\)&action=info "More information about this page") - [Cite this page](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Special:CiteThisPage&page=Catch-22_%28film%29&id=3888697&wpFormIdentifier=titleform "Information on how to cite this page") - [Get shortened URL](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Special:UrlShortener&url=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikiquote.org%2Fwiki%2FCatch-22_%28film%29) - [Edit interlanguage links](https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Special:EntityPage/Q1050533#sitelinks-wikiquote "Edit interlanguage links") Print/export - [Create a book](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Special:Book&bookcmd=book_creator&referer=Catch-22+%28film%29) - [Download as PDF](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Special:DownloadAsPdf&page=Catch-22_%28film%29&action=show-download-screen) - [Printable version](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Catch-22_\(film\)&printable=yes "Printable version of this page [alt-p]") In other projects - [Wikimedia Commons](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Catch-22_\(film\)) - [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catch-22_\(film\)) - [Wikidata item](https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Special:EntityPage/Q1050533 "Link to connected data repository item [alt-g]") From Wikiquote *[Catch-22](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catch-22_\(film\) "w:Catch-22 (film)")* is a [1970](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1970_in_film "w:1970 in film") [black comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/black_comedy "w:black comedy") film about a man who is trying desperately to be certified insane during World War II, so he can stop flying missions. Directed by [Mike Nichols](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Nichols "w:Mike Nichols"). Written by [Buck Henry](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buck_Henry "w:Buck Henry"), based on the [book of the same name](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Catch-22 "Catch-22") by [Joseph Heller](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Joseph_Heller "Joseph Heller"). The anti-war satire of epic proportions. ## Major Danby \[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Catch-22_\(film\)&action=edit&section=1 "Edit section: Major Danby")\] - Weather conditions have improved tremendously over the mainland, so you won't have any trouble at all seeing the target. Of course, we mustn't forget, that means that they won't have any trouble at all seeing you. ## Other \[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Catch-22_\(film\)&action=edit&section=2 "Edit section: Other")\] - General Dreedle: Get back in the car, you smirking slut\! ## Dialogue \[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Catch-22_\(film\)&action=edit&section=3 "Edit section: Dialogue")\] Old man in whorehouse: You see, Italy is a very poor, weak country and that is what makes us so strong, strong enough to survive this war and still be in existence, long after your country has been destroyed. Capt. Nately: What are you talking about? America is not going to be destroyed. Old man in whorehouse: Never? Capt. Nately: Well... Old man in whorehouse: Rome was destroyed. Greece was destroyed. Persia was destroyed. Spain was destroyed. All great countries are destroyed. Why not yours? How much longer do you think your country will last? Forever? Capt. Nately: Well, forever is a long time. Old man in whorehouse: Very long. * Capt. Nately: Don't you have any principles? Old man in whorehouse: Of course not\! Capt. Nately: No morality? Old man in whorehouse: I'm a very moral man, and Italy is a very moral country. That's why we will certainly come out on top again if we succeed in being defeated. Capt. Nately: You talk like a madman. Old man in whorehouse: But I live like a sane one. I was a fascist when [Mussolini](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Benito_Mussolini "Benito Mussolini") was on top. Now that he has been deposed, I am anti-fascist. When the Germans were here, I was fanatically pro-German. Now I'm fanatically pro-American. You'll find no more loyal partisan in all of Italy than myself. Capt. Nately: You're a shameful opportunist! What you don't understand is that it's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. Old man in whorehouse: You have it backwards. It's better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. I know. Capt. Nately: How do you know? Old man in whorehouse: Because I am 107-years-old. How old are you? Capt. Nately: I'll be 20 in January. Old man in whorehouse** (with pity): If you live. * 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: We're gonna come out of this war rich\! Yossarian*: You're* gonna come out rich. We're gonna come out dead. * Doc Daneeka: You're wasting your time Yossarian: Can't you ground someone who's crazy? Doc Daneeka: Oh, sure. I have to. There's a rule saying I have to ground anyone who's crazy. Yossarian: Then why don't you ground me? I'm crazy. Ask Clevinger. Doc Daneeka: Clevinger? Where is Clevinger? You find Clevinger and I'll ask him. Yossarian: Then ask any of the others. They'll tell you how crazy I am. Doc Daneeka: They're crazy Yossarian: Then why don't you ground them? Doc Daneeka: Why don't they ask me to ground them? Yossarian: Because they're crazy, that's why. Doc Daneeka: Of course they're crazy, I just told you they're crazy, didn't I? And you can't let crazy people decide if they crazy or not. Yossarian: Is Orr crazy? Doc Daneeka: He sure is. Yossarian: Can you ground him? Doc Daneeka: I sure can. But first he has to ask me to. That's part of the rule. Yossarian: Then why doesn't he ask you to? Doc Daneeka: Because he's crazy, He has to be crazy to keep flying combat missions after all the close calls he's had. Sure, I can ground Orr. But first he has to ask me to. Yossarian: That's all he has to do to be grounded? Doc Daneeka: That's all. Let him ask me. Yossarian: And then you can ground him? Doc Daneeka*: No. Then I cannot* ground him. (Yossarian cries out in frustration) See, there's a catch, Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy. Yossarian: That's some catch, that Catch-22. Doc Daneeka: It's the best there is. * Yossarian: Those bastards are trying to kill me. 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: No one is trying to kill you sweetheart. Now eat your dessert like a good boy. Yossarian: Oh yeah? Then why are they shooting at me Milo? Dobbs: They're shooting at everyone Yossarian. Yossarian: And what difference does that make? Dobbs: Look Yossarian, suppose, I mean just suppose everyone thought the same way you do. Yossarian: Then I'd be a damn fool to think any different. * Colonel Cathcart: You're a disgrace. I'd like to know how you got to be a Captain, anyway. Yossarian: You promoted me. Colonel Cathcart: That has got nothing to do with it. * 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder*: Yossarian, I want you to do something for me. \[removes item from small bag\]* I want to serve this to the men. Taste it and let me know what you think. \[Yossarian takes a bite\] Yossarian: What is it? 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Chocolate-covered cotton. Yossarian: What are you, crazy? 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: No good, huh? Yossarian: For Christ's sake, you didn't even take the seeds out\! 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Is it really that bad? Yossarian: It's cotton\! 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: They've got to learn to like it\! Yossarian: Why? 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Look, I saw this great opportunity to corner the market in Egyptian cotton. How was I supposed to know there was going to be a glut? I've got a hundred warehouses stacked with the stuff all over the European theater. I can't get rid of a penny's worth. People eat cotton candy, don't they? Well this stuff is better - it's made out of real cotton. Yossarian: Milo, people can't eat cotton\! 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: They've got to - it's for the Syndicate\! Yossarian: It will make them sick! - why don't you try it yourself if you don't believe me? 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: I did - and it made me sick. * Maj. Major Major Major: Sergeant, from now on, I don't want anyone to come in and see me while I'm in my office. Is that clear? First Sgt. Towser: Yes, sir. What do I say to people who want to come in and see you while you're in your office? Maj. Major Major Major: Tell them I'm in and ask them to wait. First Sgt. Towser: For how long? Maj. Major Major Major: Until I've left. First Sgt. Towser: And then what do I do with them? Maj. Major Major Major: I don't care. First Sgt. Towser: May I send people in to see you after you've left? Maj. Major Major Major: Yes. First Sgt. Towser: You won't be here then, will you? Maj. Major Major Major: No. First Sgt. Towser: I see, sir. Will that be all? Maj. Major Major Major: Also, Sergeant, I don't want you coming in while I'm in my office asking me if there's anything you can do for me. Is that clear? First Sgt. Towser: Yes, sir. When should I come in your office and ask if there's anything I can do for you? Maj. Major Major Major: When I'm not there. First Sgt. Towser: What do I do then? Maj. Major Major Major: Whatever has to be done. First Sgt. Towser: Yes, sir. * Maj. Major Major Major: Is something wrong? Tappman: No, no. I... just thought I saw something. Maj. Major Major Major: A naked man in a tree? Tappman: Yes, that's it. Danby: \[looking through binoculars\] That's just Yossarian. * 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Nately died a wealthy man, Yossarian. He had over sixty shares in the syndicate. Yossarian: What difference does that make? He's dead. 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Then his family will get it. Yossarian: He didn't have time to have a family. 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Then his parents will get it. Yossarian: They don't need it, they're rich. 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Then they'll understand. * Yossarian: He was very old. Luciana: But he was a boy. Yossarian: Well, he died. You don't get any older than that. * Colonel Cathcart*: \[as the base is being bombed in an air raid\]* What are you doing, Yossarian! Get off the field\! \[Yossarian fires a Colt .45 at him, but it clicks, empty\] Colonel Cathcart: I wanna' see you later. You're confined to the base. I won't forget this\! Yossarian: I don't think the Air Force is gonna' forget about this\! Colonel Cathcart: Don't be ridiculous! What's good for M\&M Enterprises is good for the Air Force! We had to get rid of that cotton. The Germans promised to take it off our hands, if we ran this mission for them! It's all part of the deal\! Lt. Col. Korn, XO: \[loud bomb explosion is heard\] There goes the Officer's Club\! Yossarian: You made a deal with the Germans to bomb our own base? Colonel Cathcart: A contract is a contract! That's what we're fighting for\! *** \[Yossarian leaps out of the hospital window, fleeing the base.\] Danby: Yossarian\! Yossarian: I can do it, Danby\! Tappman: They'll catch you, they'll bring you back\! Yossarian: I can do it\! Danby: This is insane\! Yossarian: I can do it\! Tappman: What about your clothes? Yossarian: They'll never recognize me without my uniform\! Danby: You'll be on the run with no friends! You'll live in constant danger of betrayal\! Yossarian: \[laughs\] I live that way now. Danby: Yossarian, for God's sake, hurry up\! Yossarian: So long, Chaplain\! Tappman: How do you feel, Yossarian? Yossarian: Fine... because I'm scared to death. Danby: You'll have to keep on your toes every minute. Yossarian: I'll keep on my toes. Tappman: You'll have to jump. Yossarian: I'll jump. Tappman: JUMP\! \[Yossarian jumps over a ditch and runs to the sea while inflating a life raft. He leaps into the sea, paddling furiously, and is gone\] ## Cast \[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Catch-22_\(film\)&action=edit&section=4 "Edit section: Cast")\] - [Alan Arkin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Arkin "w:Alan Arkin") - Captain John Yossarian - [Bob Balaban](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Balaban "w:Bob Balaban") - Captain Orr - [Martin Balsam](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Balsam "w:Martin Balsam") - Colonel Cathcart - [Buck Henry](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buck_Henry "w:Buck Henry") - Lt. Colonel Korn - [Richard Benjamin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Benjamin "w:Richard Benjamin") - Major Danby - [Susanne Benton](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Susanne_Benton "w:Susanne Benton") - Dreedle's WAC - [Marcel Dalio](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcel_Dalio "w:Marcel Dalio") - Old Man in Whorehouse - [Norman Fell](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norman_Fell "w:Norman Fell") - First Sgt. Towser - [Art Garfunkel](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Art_Garfunkel "Art Garfunkel") - Lt. Nately - [Jack Gilford](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Gilford "w:Jack Gilford") - Dr. "Doc" Daneeka - [Charles Grodin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Grodin "w:Charles Grodin") - Captain "Aarfy" Aardvark - [Bob Newhart](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Newhart "w:Bob Newhart") - Captain/Major Major - [Austin Pendleton](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Austin_Pendleton "w:Austin Pendleton") - Lt. Col. Moodus - [Anthony Perkins](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Perkins "w:Anthony Perkins") - Capt. Fr. A. T. Tappman - [Paula Prentiss](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paula_Prentiss "w:Paula Prentiss") - Nurse Duckett - [Martin Sheen](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Martin_Sheen "Martin Sheen") - 1st Lt. Dobbs - [Jon Voight](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Jon_Voight "Jon Voight") - 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder - [Orson Welles](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Orson_Welles "Orson Welles") - Brigadier General Dreedle ## External links \[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Catch-22_\(film\)&action=edit&section=5 "Edit section: External links")\] - ![](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/80/Wikipedia-logo-v2.svg/20px-Wikipedia-logo-v2.svg.png) Encyclopedic article on [Catch-22 (film)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catch-22_\(film\) "w:Catch-22 (film)") on Wikipedia - ![](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/4a/Commons-logo.svg/20px-Commons-logo.svg.png) Media related to [Catch-22 (film)](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/category:Catch-22_\(film\) "commons:category:Catch-22 (film)") on Wikimedia Commons - [Catch-22](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065528/quotes) quotes at the [Internet Movie Database](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_Movie_Database "w:Internet Movie Database") - [Catch-22](http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/catch22/) at [Rotten Tomatoes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rotten_Tomatoes "w:Rotten Tomatoes") ![](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:CentralAutoLogin/start?useformat=desktop&type=1x1&usesul3=1) Retrieved from "<https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Catch-22_(film)&oldid=3888697>" [Categories](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Categories "Special:Categories"): - [1970 films](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Category:1970_films "Category:1970 films") - [1970s American films](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Category:1970s_American_films "Category:1970s American films") - [Black comedy films](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Category:Black_comedy_films "Category:Black comedy films") - [World War II films](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Category:World_War_II_films "Category:World War II films") - [Films based on novels](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Category:Films_based_on_novels "Category:Films based on novels") - [Anti-war films](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Category:Anti-war_films "Category:Anti-war films") - [Military comedy films](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Category:Military_comedy_films "Category:Military comedy films") - [Films directed by Mike Nichols](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Category:Films_directed_by_Mike_Nichols "Category:Films directed by Mike Nichols") - This page was last edited on 4 February 2026, at 16:18. - Text is available under the [Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License](https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/); additional terms may apply. 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Readable Markdown	*[Catch-22](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catch-22_\(film\) "w:Catch-22 (film)")* is a [1970](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1970_in_film "w:1970 in film") [black comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/black_comedy "w:black comedy") film about a man who is trying desperately to be certified insane during World War II, so he can stop flying missions. Directed by [Mike Nichols](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Nichols "w:Mike Nichols"). Written by [Buck Henry](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buck_Henry "w:Buck Henry"), based on the [book of the same name](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Catch-22 "Catch-22") by [Joseph Heller](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Joseph_Heller "Joseph Heller"). The anti-war satire of epic proportions. - Weather conditions have improved tremendously over the mainland, so you won't have any trouble at all seeing the target. Of course, we mustn't forget, that means that they won't have any trouble at all seeing you. - General Dreedle: Get back in the car, you smirking slut\! Old man in whorehouse: You see, Italy is a very poor, weak country and that is what makes us so strong, strong enough to survive this war and still be in existence, long after your country has been destroyed. Capt. Nately: What are you talking about? America is not going to be destroyed. Old man in whorehouse: Never? Capt. Nately: Well... Old man in whorehouse: Rome was destroyed. Greece was destroyed. Persia was destroyed. Spain was destroyed. All great countries are destroyed. Why not yours? How much longer do you think your country will last? Forever? Capt. Nately: Well, forever is a long time. Old man in whorehouse: Very long. * Capt. Nately: Don't you have any principles? Old man in whorehouse: Of course not\! Capt. Nately: No morality? Old man in whorehouse: I'm a very moral man, and Italy is a very moral country. That's why we will certainly come out on top again if we succeed in being defeated. Capt. Nately: You talk like a madman. Old man in whorehouse: But I live like a sane one. I was a fascist when [Mussolini](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Benito_Mussolini "Benito Mussolini") was on top. Now that he has been deposed, I am anti-fascist. When the Germans were here, I was fanatically pro-German. Now I'm fanatically pro-American. You'll find no more loyal partisan in all of Italy than myself. Capt. Nately: You're a shameful opportunist! What you don't understand is that it's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. Old man in whorehouse: You have it backwards. It's better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. I know. Capt. Nately: How do you know? Old man in whorehouse: Because I am 107-years-old. How old are you? Capt. Nately: I'll be 20 in January. Old man in whorehouse** (with pity): If you live. * 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: We're gonna come out of this war rich\! Yossarian*: You're* gonna come out rich. We're gonna come out dead. * Doc Daneeka: You're wasting your time Yossarian: Can't you ground someone who's crazy? Doc Daneeka: Oh, sure. I have to. There's a rule saying I have to ground anyone who's crazy. Yossarian: Then why don't you ground me? I'm crazy. Ask Clevinger. Doc Daneeka: Clevinger? Where is Clevinger? You find Clevinger and I'll ask him. Yossarian: Then ask any of the others. They'll tell you how crazy I am. Doc Daneeka: They're crazy Yossarian: Then why don't you ground them? Doc Daneeka: Why don't they ask me to ground them? Yossarian: Because they're crazy, that's why. Doc Daneeka: Of course they're crazy, I just told you they're crazy, didn't I? And you can't let crazy people decide if they crazy or not. Yossarian: Is Orr crazy? Doc Daneeka: He sure is. Yossarian: Can you ground him? Doc Daneeka: I sure can. But first he has to ask me to. That's part of the rule. Yossarian: Then why doesn't he ask you to? Doc Daneeka: Because he's crazy, He has to be crazy to keep flying combat missions after all the close calls he's had. Sure, I can ground Orr. But first he has to ask me to. Yossarian: That's all he has to do to be grounded? Doc Daneeka: That's all. Let him ask me. Yossarian: And then you can ground him? Doc Daneeka*: No. Then I cannot* ground him. (Yossarian cries out in frustration) See, there's a catch, Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy. Yossarian: That's some catch, that Catch-22. Doc Daneeka: It's the best there is. * Yossarian: Those bastards are trying to kill me. 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: No one is trying to kill you sweetheart. Now eat your dessert like a good boy. Yossarian: Oh yeah? Then why are they shooting at me Milo? Dobbs: They're shooting at everyone Yossarian. Yossarian: And what difference does that make? Dobbs: Look Yossarian, suppose, I mean just suppose everyone thought the same way you do. Yossarian: Then I'd be a damn fool to think any different. * Colonel Cathcart: You're a disgrace. I'd like to know how you got to be a Captain, anyway. Yossarian: You promoted me. Colonel Cathcart: That has got nothing to do with it. * 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder*: Yossarian, I want you to do something for me. \[removes item from small bag\]* I want to serve this to the men. Taste it and let me know what you think. \[Yossarian takes a bite\] Yossarian: What is it? 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Chocolate-covered cotton. Yossarian: What are you, crazy? 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: No good, huh? Yossarian: For Christ's sake, you didn't even take the seeds out\! 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Is it really that bad? Yossarian: It's cotton\! 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: They've got to learn to like it\! Yossarian: Why? 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Look, I saw this great opportunity to corner the market in Egyptian cotton. How was I supposed to know there was going to be a glut? I've got a hundred warehouses stacked with the stuff all over the European theater. I can't get rid of a penny's worth. People eat cotton candy, don't they? Well this stuff is better - it's made out of real cotton. Yossarian: Milo, people can't eat cotton\! 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: They've got to - it's for the Syndicate\! Yossarian: It will make them sick! - why don't you try it yourself if you don't believe me? 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: I did - and it made me sick. * Maj. Major Major Major: Sergeant, from now on, I don't want anyone to come in and see me while I'm in my office. Is that clear? First Sgt. Towser: Yes, sir. What do I say to people who want to come in and see you while you're in your office? Maj. Major Major Major: Tell them I'm in and ask them to wait. First Sgt. Towser: For how long? Maj. Major Major Major: Until I've left. First Sgt. Towser: And then what do I do with them? Maj. Major Major Major: I don't care. First Sgt. Towser: May I send people in to see you after you've left? Maj. Major Major Major: Yes. First Sgt. Towser: You won't be here then, will you? Maj. Major Major Major: No. First Sgt. Towser: I see, sir. Will that be all? Maj. Major Major Major: Also, Sergeant, I don't want you coming in while I'm in my office asking me if there's anything you can do for me. Is that clear? First Sgt. Towser: Yes, sir. When should I come in your office and ask if there's anything I can do for you? Maj. Major Major Major: When I'm not there. First Sgt. Towser: What do I do then? Maj. Major Major Major: Whatever has to be done. First Sgt. Towser: Yes, sir. * Maj. Major Major Major: Is something wrong? Tappman: No, no. I... just thought I saw something. Maj. Major Major Major: A naked man in a tree? Tappman: Yes, that's it. Danby: \[looking through binoculars\] That's just Yossarian. * 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Nately died a wealthy man, Yossarian. He had over sixty shares in the syndicate. Yossarian: What difference does that make? He's dead. 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Then his family will get it. Yossarian: He didn't have time to have a family. 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Then his parents will get it. Yossarian: They don't need it, they're rich. 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: Then they'll understand. * Yossarian: He was very old. Luciana: But he was a boy. Yossarian: Well, he died. You don't get any older than that. * Colonel Cathcart*: \[as the base is being bombed in an air raid\]* What are you doing, Yossarian! Get off the field\! \[Yossarian fires a Colt .45 at him, but it clicks, empty\] Colonel Cathcart: I wanna' see you later. You're confined to the base. I won't forget this\! Yossarian: I don't think the Air Force is gonna' forget about this\! Colonel Cathcart: Don't be ridiculous! What's good for M\&M Enterprises is good for the Air Force! We had to get rid of that cotton. The Germans promised to take it off our hands, if we ran this mission for them! It's all part of the deal\! Lt. Col. Korn, XO: \[loud bomb explosion is heard\] There goes the Officer's Club\! Yossarian: You made a deal with the Germans to bomb our own base? Colonel Cathcart: A contract is a contract! That's what we're fighting for\! *** \[Yossarian leaps out of the hospital window, fleeing the base.\] Danby: Yossarian\! Yossarian: I can do it, Danby\! Tappman: They'll catch you, they'll bring you back\! Yossarian: I can do it\! Danby: This is insane\! Yossarian: I can do it\! Tappman: What about your clothes? Yossarian: They'll never recognize me without my uniform\! Danby: You'll be on the run with no friends! You'll live in constant danger of betrayal\! Yossarian: \[laughs\] I live that way now. Danby: Yossarian, for God's sake, hurry up\! Yossarian: So long, Chaplain\! Tappman: How do you feel, Yossarian? Yossarian: Fine... because I'm scared to death. Danby: You'll have to keep on your toes every minute. Yossarian: I'll keep on my toes. Tappman: You'll have to jump. Yossarian: I'll jump. Tappman: JUMP\! \[Yossarian jumps over a ditch and runs to the sea while inflating a life raft. He leaps into the sea, paddling furiously, and is gone\] - [Alan Arkin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Arkin "w:Alan Arkin") - Captain John Yossarian - [Bob Balaban](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Balaban "w:Bob Balaban") - Captain Orr - [Martin Balsam](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Balsam "w:Martin Balsam") - Colonel Cathcart - [Buck Henry](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buck_Henry "w:Buck Henry") - Lt. Colonel Korn - [Richard Benjamin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Benjamin "w:Richard Benjamin") - Major Danby - [Susanne Benton](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Susanne_Benton "w:Susanne Benton") - Dreedle's WAC - [Marcel Dalio](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcel_Dalio "w:Marcel Dalio") - Old Man in Whorehouse - [Norman Fell](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norman_Fell "w:Norman Fell") - First Sgt. Towser - [Art Garfunkel](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Art_Garfunkel "Art Garfunkel") - Lt. Nately - [Jack Gilford](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Gilford "w:Jack Gilford") - Dr. "Doc" Daneeka - [Charles Grodin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Grodin "w:Charles Grodin") - Captain "Aarfy" Aardvark - [Bob Newhart](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Newhart "w:Bob Newhart") - Captain/Major Major - [Austin Pendleton](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Austin_Pendleton "w:Austin Pendleton") - Lt. Col. Moodus - [Anthony Perkins](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Perkins "w:Anthony Perkins") - Capt. Fr. A. T. Tappman - [Paula Prentiss](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paula_Prentiss "w:Paula Prentiss") - Nurse Duckett - [Martin Sheen](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Martin_Sheen "Martin Sheen") - 1st Lt. Dobbs - [Jon Voight](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Jon_Voight "Jon Voight") - 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder - [Orson Welles](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Orson_Welles "Orson Welles") - Brigadier General Dreedle
Shard	149 (laksa)
Root Hash	15648071994150960749
Unparsed URL	org,wikiquote!en,/wiki/Catch-22_(film) s443