🕷️ Crawler Inspector

URL Lookup

Direct Parameter Lookup

Raw Queries and Responses

1. Shard Calculation

Query:

Response:

Calculated Shard: 70 (from laksa084)

2. Crawled Status Check

Query:

curl -X POST \
  'http://laksa070.int.ahrefs:8124/' \
  -H 'Content-Type: text/plain' \
  -H 'X-ClickHouse-Database: crawler3' \
  -H 'Authorization: Basic YXBpOg==' \
  -d 'SELECT getAhrefsURLFromUnparsed(src_unparsed) AS found_url, ifNull(toUnixTimestamp(download_stamp), 0) AS crawl_time, ifNull(toUnixTimestamp(props_url_first_seen), 0) AS first_indexed_time, download_http_code AS http_code, src_unparsed AS src_unparsed, src_root_hash AS src_root_hash, history_drop_reason AS history_drop_reason, meta_title AS meta_title, meta_descriptions AS meta_descriptions, attrs_boilerpipe_text AS attrs_boilerpipe_text, attrs_markdown AS attrs_markdown, attrs_readable_markdown AS attrs_readable_markdown, meta_canonical AS meta_canonical, ml_categories_json AS ml_categories_json, ml_types_json AS ml_types_json, ml_intent_types_json AS ml_intent_types_json, meta_language AS meta_language, attrs_author AS attrs_author, ifNull(toUnixTimestamp(attrs_publish_time), 0) AS attrs_publish_time, ifNull(toUnixTimestamp(attrs_original_publish_time), 0) AS attrs_original_publish_time, ifNull(attrs_is_republished, 0) AS attrs_is_republished, ifNull(attrs_nr_words, 0) AS attrs_nr_words, ifNull(attrs_boilerpipe_nr_words, 0) AS attrs_boilerpipe_nr_words, ifNull(body_ext_links_number, 0) AS body_ext_links_number, ifNull(body_int_links_number, 0) AS body_int_links_number, ifNull(meta_nofollow, 0) AS meta_nofollow, ifNull(meta_noarchive, 0) AS meta_noarchive, ifNull(props_was_rendered, 0) AS props_was_rendered, ifNull(src_redirect, \'\') AS src_redirect, ifNull(download_time_msec, 0) AS download_time_msec, ifNull(download_ttfb_msec, 0) AS download_ttfb_msec, ifNull(download_size, 0) AS download_size FROM crawler3.page_info_local FINAL PREWHERE (src_root_hash, src_unparsed) IN ((getAhrefsRootHashFromUnparsed(getAhrefsUnparsedNoserviceFromURL(\'https://collective.world/the-definitive-guide-to-hard-boiling-an-egg-without-hating-yourself/\')), getAhrefsUnparsedNoserviceFromURL(\'https://collective.world/the-definitive-guide-to-hard-boiling-an-egg-without-hating-yourself/\'))) FORMAT JSONEachRow'

Response:

{"found_url":"https:\/\/collective.world\/the-definitive-guide-to-hard-boiling-an-egg-without-hating-yourself\/","crawl_time":1775998364,"first_indexed_time":1631151601,"http_code":200,"src_unparsed":"world,collective!\/the-definitive-guide-to-hard-boiling-an-egg-without-hating-yourself\/ s443","src_root_hash":"13082199128963626870","history_drop_reason":null,"meta_title":"The Definitive Guide To Hard Boiling An Egg Without Hating Yourself – Collective World","meta_descriptions":["Follow these steps and you’ll never experience the utter self-loathing you feel when you destroy an egg during what should’ve been a very simple"],"attrs_boilerpipe_text":"Okay, you guys. I’m gonna let you all in on the secret method behind Reverend Matty’s Easy Peasy Peeling Hard Boiled Eggs. If you learn one thing from our time here together, may it be this: Follow these steps and you’ll never experience the utter self-loathing you feel when you destroy an egg during what should’ve been a very simple task. Here we go. \nAstrology\nForecasts\n1.\nThis is big. Warm up your eggs in warm water. The reason for this is two-fold. First, it prevents them from cracking when you put them in the pot of boiling water, and second, it prevents you from hating yourself due to\nbeing\na total failure at\nlife\n. \n2.\nBoil a small amount of water in a pot and simultaneously boil water in a kettle. It’s way quicker to boil two small amounts than it is to boil one big one. This is how you go pro in the hard boiled game. It’s also just common sense, which, let’s face it, you could start using a little more of. \n3.\nPut all that quickly boiled water together. Get that water boiling like crazy. My Nana used to say “get it laughing”. So go for it. High as hell. Boom. \n4.\nPut some vinegar in that water. Vinegar is good for everything. You can clean stains out of carpets with that shit. You can also make things more delicious. I put it on steak. I don’t know why I put it in the water, to be really honest. I probably saw someone do it once and thought it was cool. Regardless, just put some vinegar in there and move on. You’re already asking way too many questions. \n5.\nGet those nicely warmed eggs into the laughing water. This is a big step, so don’t screw it up like you did your first marriage. Ease ‘em in and gently place them on the bottom of the pot. But don’t take forever. It’s the shock of hitting that hot ass water that\nhelps\nthese things peel easy, but if you go too fast, you run the risk of breaking the shells like a loser. And you’re not a loser, are you? It doesn’t matter what people say about you behind your back at work. At least you didn’t screw up your eggs like Sarah in accounting (who, by the way, is having an affair with Brian from HR, but you didn’t hear that from me). \n6.\nSet a timer for 11 minutes and lower the temperature of your boil to what Nana would call “giggling”. Not “laughing”. And don’t give me any back-chat about how you like your eggs harder or softer. Shut up. 11 minutes. This is non-negotiable. If you want to get shitty about it, talk to a lawyer and have them call mine because I ain’t taking it. 11 minutes. Move on. \n7.\nDING! Your 11 minutes is up, so get your ass off the couch and dump that water as fast as you can. You sit around and drag ass for a couple minutes and you’ll end up with those gross, grey\/blue coatings on your yolks. Then you’ll bitch and complain and try to blame your failure on me. Shit like that is why you’re still single at your age and your parents hate you. Shake. My. Head. \n8.\nGet those eggs in COLD water NOW! This is egg-shock #2 and a huge step in getting those shells off easier than your ex’s pants come off all over town now that they’re finally free of your overbearing bullshit. They were only gonna sleep on the couch so many times before just about anyone’s bed started looking pretty damn good. And let’s face it, you sorta let yourself go a bit there too. No wonder they turned to ice on you. Speaking of ice, fill that cold water with ice. As much of it as you can. I use an ice pack because it lasts longer and I’m\nall\nabout that. Ask your ex. \n9.\nPut that ice bath in the fridge and set a timer for 13 minutes. This is another non-negotiable timer. I don’t care if you’re hungry. You can last another 13 minutes. I promise you you’ll live. Don’t ask me why it’s 13 minutes. It’s just 13 minutes.\nGod\n, you’re annoying. \n10.\nDING! Your 13 minutes of torture are finally over and you’ve somehow survived. And thank god for that. We were all really worried over here. Dump that water. Get that ice pack back in the freezer and put the pot in the dishwasher. Don’t leave it in the sink. I have no idea why you can’t make the one foot leap from the sink to the machine and clean up after yourself. The pile of dishes in your sink is full of fruit flies and it’s starting to smell like a corpse. Who’s going to love you? Seriously. Clean up your act. Anyway, once you’ve accomplished this Herculean feat, get a paper towel, put it on the counter, and give those eggs a couple whacks on it. If you’ve followed the steps and not deviated from the plan like the asshole you proved yourself to be in high school, those shells should peel right off all easy peasy, and VOILA! You’ve got yourself some perfectly peeled eggs. \nAnyway, I hope that you have found this tutorial helpful to all your\nfuture\negg making and that you’ll start making better life choices. Because let’s face it, you’ve really screwed up a lot of your life and there’s nowhere for you to go but up. ","attrs_markdown":"[Skip to content](https:\/\/collective.world\/the-definitive-guide-to-hard-boiling-an-egg-without-hating-yourself\/#cw-content)\n\n[![Collective World](https:\/\/collective.world\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2023\/03\/cw-logo.png)](https:\/\/collective.world\/)\n\nMenu\n\n- [Shop](https:\/\/shopcatalog.com\/)\n\n*Full moon in 19 days*\n\n## 🌓\n\n✨ [Horoscope For Today](https:\/\/collective.world\/daily-horoscope) ✨\n\n🌙 [Tarotscope For Today](https:\/\/collective.world\/daily-tarotscope) 🌙\n\n![](https:\/\/collective.world\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2021\/09\/pexels-mona-sabha-cabrera-806457-scaled.jpg?w=1280)\n\n[Mona Sabha Cabrera](https:\/\/www.pexels.com\/photo\/sliced-boiled-egg-on-white-plate-806457\/)\n\n# The Definitive Guide To Hard Boiling An Egg Without Hating Yourself\n- Updated\n  3 years ago, October 25 2022\n- *[Humor](https:\/\/collective.world\/tag\/humor\/)*\n\n[Matty Granger](https:\/\/collective.world\/author\/matty-granger\/)\n\nOkay, you guys. I’m gonna let you all in on the secret method behind Reverend Matty’s Easy Peasy Peeling Hard Boiled Eggs. If you learn one thing from our time here together, may it be this: Follow these steps and you’ll never experience the utter self-loathing you feel when you destroy an egg during what should’ve been a very simple task. Here we go.\n\nAstrology  \nForecasts\n\n- [If 2020 Broke You, 2026 Rebuilds You: How the Saturn-Pluto Cycle Is Reshaping Your Life](https:\/\/collective.world\/if-2020-broke-you-2026-rebuilds-you-how-the-saturn-pluto-cycle-is-reshaping-your-life\/?utm_campaign=astrology-forecast)\n- [Mars Enters Aries: Why Everything Feels Off (And Why That Changes Tomorrow)](https:\/\/collective.world\/mars-enters-aries-why-everything-feels-off-and-why-that-changes-tomorrow\/?utm_campaign=astrology-forecast)\n- [How Venus In Taurus Is Changing Your Love Standards (Quietly, But Completely)](https:\/\/collective.world\/how-venus-in-taurus-is-changing-your-love-standards-quietly-but-completely\/?utm_campaign=astrology-forecast)\n\n**1\\.** This is big. Warm up your eggs in warm water. The reason for this is two-fold. First, it prevents them from cracking when you put them in the pot of boiling water, and second, it prevents you from hating yourself due to [being](https:\/\/becoming.is\/) a total failure at [life](https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Essays-That-Will-Change-Think\/dp\/1945796065\/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3QSQ818TXTJ20&#038;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.GfXLvMe5tgGZ0BwtQDRwXkEtqjLkiWQYtQIKWdEKeq7bE6dbxnr6PTVdu1VN89vjKQrRaWg5JFr4K1au4w69DY-TsDV4bGHYTYmnoc0w0ZH2FtL1vwFdwkMZLvMhY3dRqE9WH5H-oMism9OQjbl4nx4PffO_sTAnJBbEXX8rUlamsWOI4kC2jiJs4aJo2pL21D18KwgMBwVM-8nHMuMOVedp1u2l_doVpYF07XV8ysU.rl3hJsmlqqWk5pSmslXrTD_OiMB1yJS2o4liSrleF7U&#038;dib_tag=se&#038;keywords=101+essay+that+will+change+the+way+you+think&#038;qid=1727567202&#038;sprefix=101+eaps184&#038;sr=8-1).\n\n**2\\.** Boil a small amount of water in a pot and simultaneously boil water in a kettle. It’s way quicker to boil two small amounts than it is to boil one big one. This is how you go pro in the hard boiled game. It’s also just common sense, which, let’s face it, you could start using a little more of.\n\n**3\\.** Put all that quickly boiled water together. Get that water boiling like crazy. My Nana used to say “get it laughing”. So go for it. High as hell. Boom.\n\n**4\\.** Put some vinegar in that water. Vinegar is good for everything. You can clean stains out of carpets with that shit. You can also make things more delicious. I put it on steak. I don’t know why I put it in the water, to be really honest. I probably saw someone do it once and thought it was cool. Regardless, just put some vinegar in there and move on. You’re already asking way too many questions.\n\n**5\\.** Get those nicely warmed eggs into the laughing water. This is a big step, so don’t screw it up like you did your first marriage. Ease ‘em in and gently place them on the bottom of the pot. But don’t take forever. It’s the shock of hitting that hot ass water that [helps](https:\/\/godandman.com\/category\/prayers\/) these things peel easy, but if you go too fast, you run the risk of breaking the shells like a loser. And you’re not a loser, are you? It doesn’t matter what people say about you behind your back at work. At least you didn’t screw up your eggs like Sarah in accounting (who, by the way, is having an affair with Brian from HR, but you didn’t hear that from me).\n\n**6\\.** Set a timer for 11 minutes and lower the temperature of your boil to what Nana would call “giggling”. Not “laughing”. And don’t give me any back-chat about how you like your eggs harder or softer. Shut up. 11 minutes. This is non-negotiable. If you want to get shitty about it, talk to a lawyer and have them call mine because I ain’t taking it. 11 minutes. Move on.\n\n**7\\.** DING! Your 11 minutes is up, so get your ass off the couch and dump that water as fast as you can. You sit around and drag ass for a couple minutes and you’ll end up with those gross, grey\/blue coatings on your yolks. Then you’ll bitch and complain and try to blame your failure on me. Shit like that is why you’re still single at your age and your parents hate you. Shake. My. Head.\n\n**8\\.** Get those eggs in COLD water NOW! This is egg-shock \\#2 and a huge step in getting those shells off easier than your ex’s pants come off all over town now that they’re finally free of your overbearing bullshit. They were only gonna sleep on the couch so many times before just about anyone’s bed started looking pretty damn good. And let’s face it, you sorta let yourself go a bit there too. No wonder they turned to ice on you. Speaking of ice, fill that cold water with ice. As much of it as you can. I use an ice pack because it lasts longer and I’m *all* about that. Ask your ex.\n\n**9\\.** Put that ice bath in the fridge and set a timer for 13 minutes. This is another non-negotiable timer. I don’t care if you’re hungry. You can last another 13 minutes. I promise you you’ll live. Don’t ask me why it’s 13 minutes. It’s just 13 minutes. [God](https:\/\/godandman.com\/), you’re annoying.\n\n**10\\.** DING! Your 13 minutes of torture are finally over and you’ve somehow survived. And thank god for that. We were all really worried over here. Dump that water. Get that ice pack back in the freezer and put the pot in the dishwasher. Don’t leave it in the sink. I have no idea why you can’t make the one foot leap from the sink to the machine and clean up after yourself. The pile of dishes in your sink is full of fruit flies and it’s starting to smell like a corpse. Who’s going to love you? Seriously. Clean up your act. Anyway, once you’ve accomplished this Herculean feat, get a paper towel, put it on the counter, and give those eggs a couple whacks on it. If you’ve followed the steps and not deviated from the plan like the asshole you proved yourself to be in high school, those shells should peel right off all easy peasy, and VOILA! You’ve got yourself some perfectly peeled eggs.\n\nAnyway, I hope that you have found this tutorial helpful to all your [future](https:\/\/shopcatalog.com\/collections\/gift-sets\/products\/the-personal-transformation-book-collection) egg making and that you’ll start making better life choices. Because let’s face it, you’ve really screwed up a lot of your life and there’s nowhere for you to go but up.\n\n623\n\nUpdated 1 day ago\n\n## About The Author\n[Matty Granger](https:\/\/collective.world\/author\/matty-granger\/)\n## Celestial Books\n[![](https:\/\/collective.world\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2025\/11\/letgotrustgod.jpg?w=768)](https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Let-Trust-Become-Were-Meant\/dp\/1965820182?crid=3MRWF9P08P6G7&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.e7p07lXlxBanbOLjI0o0pTTjhi7qjkPM7axxSEp6NwJ-OR761k6sZD1SQUrVzlen6w2RZUPkZMGiyPlnjkMWmq-UuDFyqqEy1zyLBFwtM_59432L6tKeYVqsI9MgpqhQlEUTeLc1IC7HGGzi3mnmwAtDdn-wPxBWNCRkKSTQgeYjF2Wy-Pg2ErKcjh_Xe59YkDL-Ni4jq3HXDb6P3cZDxKbGvTa67IC1LRniVXxOdjU.UX68XEh6g-wCxN1Nl5NnGIScI2F0P3KpP0rIfM5vAdA&dib_tag=se&keywords=let+go+trust+god&qid=1754406149&sprefix=%2Caps%2C103&sr=8-1&linkCode=sl1&tag=collectiveworld-20&linkId=87027657aad4ee7c88c4bf0e147fe8c2&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl)\n\n[*Let Go, Trust God* by Rebecca Simon](https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Let-Trust-Become-Were-Meant\/dp\/1965820182?crid=3MRWF9P08P6G7&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.e7p07lXlxBanbOLjI0o0pTTjhi7qjkPM7axxSEp6NwJ-OR761k6sZD1SQUrVzlen6w2RZUPkZMGiyPlnjkMWmq-UuDFyqqEy1zyLBFwtM_59432L6tKeYVqsI9MgpqhQlEUTeLc1IC7HGGzi3mnmwAtDdn-wPxBWNCRkKSTQgeYjF2Wy-Pg2ErKcjh_Xe59YkDL-Ni4jq3HXDb6P3cZDxKbGvTa67IC1LRniVXxOdjU.UX68XEh6g-wCxN1Nl5NnGIScI2F0P3KpP0rIfM5vAdA&dib_tag=se&keywords=let+go+trust+god&qid=1754406149&sprefix=%2Caps%2C103&sr=8-1&linkCode=sl1&tag=collectiveworld-20&linkId=87027657aad4ee7c88c4bf0e147fe8c2&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl)\n\n![1](https:\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1853\/2213\/files\/The_Life_Changing_Power-Of_Tarot_Book_001.jpg?v=1736805876&width=960&height=1280&crop=center)\n\n### [The Life-Changing Power of Tarot: Reading the Cards for Self-Empowerment](https:\/\/shopcatalog.com\/products\/the-life-changing-power-of-tarot-reading-the-cards-for-self-empowerment?utm_campaign=collectiveworld&utm_medium=web&utm_source=after-content)\n\n![1](https:\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1853\/2213\/files\/Play_The_Tarot_Cards_You_re_Dealt_001.jpg?v=1739385865&width=960&height=1280&crop=center)\n\n### [Play the Tarot Cards You're Dealt: Practical Prompts To Manifest Your Dreams](https:\/\/shopcatalog.com\/products\/play-the-tarot-cards-youre-dealt?utm_campaign=collectiveworld&utm_medium=web&utm_source=after-content)\n\n![1](https:\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1853\/2213\/files\/The_Life_That_s_Waiting_004.jpg?v=1740031579&width=1280&height=1707&crop=center)\n\n### [The Life That's Waiting](https:\/\/shopcatalog.com\/products\/the-life-thats-waiting?utm_campaign=collectiveworld&utm_medium=web&utm_source=after-content)\n\n![1](https:\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1853\/2213\/files\/How_To_Manifest_Anything_001.jpg?v=1722457091&width=1280&height=1707&crop=center)\n\n### [How To Manifest Anything](https:\/\/shopcatalog.com\/products\/how-to-manifest-anything?utm_campaign=collectiveworld&utm_medium=web&utm_source=after-content)\n\n![1](https:\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1853\/2213\/files\/I_AFFIRM_003_CodyLidtke_99bf58ab-cbb4-497c-902c-9b086e728785.jpg?v=1753796999&width=1280&height=1707&crop=center)\n\n### [I Affirm: Affirmation Cards To Hone Your Intuition](https:\/\/shopcatalog.com\/products\/i-affirm-affirmation-deck?utm_campaign=collectiveworld&utm_medium=web&utm_source=after-content)\n\n![1](https:\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1853\/2213\/products\/BriannaWiest_TheMountainIsYou_sized-for-SC-Cropped_523a103e-23ce-491a-9312-a2684a8ff504.jpg?v=1696410443&width=2560&height=3413&crop=center)\n\n### [The Mountain Is You](https:\/\/shopcatalog.com\/products\/the-mountain-is-you?utm_campaign=collectiveworld&utm_medium=web&utm_source=after-content)\n\n- [![Horoscope For Today: Sunday, April 12, 2026](https:\/\/collective.world\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/04\/brittani-burns-WGpipz09VBI-unsplash.jpg?w=1280)](https:\/\/collective.world\/horoscope-for-today-sunday-april-12-2026\/)\n  \n  [Daily Horoscope](https:\/\/collective.world\/tag\/daily-horoscope\/)\n  \n  ## [Horoscope For Today: Sunday, April 12, 2026](https:\/\/collective.world\/horoscope-for-today-sunday-april-12-2026\/)\n  It’s a big day in the cosmos, my friends! The energy right now is asking us to reflect on how far\n  \n  [Read more](https:\/\/collective.world\/horoscope-for-today-sunday-april-12-2026\/)\n***\n***Daily Devotionals***\n\n### [Why Faith Means Living Like God’s Blessings Are Already On The Way](https:\/\/godandman.com\/why-faith-means-living-like-gods-blessings-are-already-on-the-way\/)\n### [If Your Life Looks Nothing Like The One You Prayed For, Read This](https:\/\/godandman.com\/if-your-life-looks-nothing-like-the-one-you-prayed-for-read-this\/)\n### [If You’re Still Waiting For The Job You Prayed For, Read This](https:\/\/godandman.com\/if-youre-still-waiting-for-the-job-you-prayed-for-read-this\/)\n***\n## Related Articles\n\n[![Collective World](https:\/\/collective.world\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2023\/03\/cw-logo.png)](https:\/\/collective.world\/)\n\n- [Home](https:\/\/collective.world\/)\n- [Astrology Forecasts](https:\/\/collective.world\/tag\/astrology-forecasts\/)\n- [Daily Horoscopes](https:\/\/collective.world\/tag\/daily-horoscope\/)\n- [Daily Tarotscopes](https:\/\/collective.world\/tag\/tarotscope\/)\n- [Manifesting](https:\/\/collective.world\/category\/manifesting\/)\n- [Zodiac](https:\/\/collective.world\/category\/zodiac\/)\n- [Tarot](https:\/\/collective.world\/category\/tarot\/)\n- [Latest](https:\/\/collective.world\/latest\/)\n- [Zodiac Personality Traits](https:\/\/collective.world\/zodiac-signs\/)\n- [Birth Chart Calculator](https:\/\/collective.world\/birth-chart\/)\n- [Collective World en Español](https:\/\/collective.world\/es\/mundo-colectivo\/)\n- [About Us](https:\/\/collective.world\/about-us\/)\n\n## Horoscope For Today\nIt’s a big day in the cosmos, my friends! The energy right now is asking us to reflect on how far…\n\n- [TikTok](https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@collectiveworld.tc)\n- [Instagram](https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/collectiveworld\/)\n- [Facebook](https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/collectiveworld.tc)\n- [Substack](https:\/\/collectiveworld.substack.com\/)\n\n## Company\n- [About Us](https:\/\/collective.world\/zodiac-signs\/about-us\/)\n- [Privacy Statement](https:\/\/collective.world\/privacy-statement\/)\n\n## Network\n- [Thought Catalog](https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/)\n- [Shop Catalog](https:\/\/shopcatalog.com\/)\n- [Quote Catalog](https:\/\/quotecatalog.com\/)\n- [Creepy Catalog](https:\/\/creepycatalog.com\/)\n- [God & Man](https:\/\/godandman.com\/)\n- [Thought Catalog Books](https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/books\/)\n- [Thought Catalog Agency](https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.agency\/)\n\n© 2018 - 2026  \nThe Thought & Expression Company, Inc.  \nAll rights reserved.\n\n[![Collective World](https:\/\/collective.world\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2023\/03\/cw-logo.png)](https:\/\/collective.world\/)\n\n- [Home](https:\/\/collective.world\/)\n- [Astrology Forecasts](https:\/\/collective.world\/tag\/astrology-forecasts\/)\n- [Daily Horoscopes](https:\/\/collective.world\/tag\/daily-horoscope\/)\n- [Daily Tarotscopes](https:\/\/collective.world\/tag\/tarotscope\/)\n- [Manifesting](https:\/\/collective.world\/category\/manifesting\/)\n- [Zodiac](https:\/\/collective.world\/category\/zodiac\/)\n- [Tarot](https:\/\/collective.world\/category\/tarot\/)\n- [Latest](https:\/\/collective.world\/latest\/)\n- [Zodiac Personality Traits](https:\/\/collective.world\/zodiac-signs\/)\n- [Birth Chart Calculator](https:\/\/collective.world\/birth-chart\/)\n- [Collective World en Español](https:\/\/collective.world\/es\/mundo-colectivo\/)\n- [About Us](https:\/\/collective.world\/about-us\/)\n\n- [TikTok](https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@collectiveworld.tc)\n- [Instagram](https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/collectiveworld\/)\n- [Facebook](https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/collectiveworld.tc)\n- [Substack](https:\/\/collectiveworld.substack.com\/)\n\n## Network\n- [Thought Catalog](https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/)\n- [Shop Catalog](https:\/\/shopcatalog.com\/)\n- [Quote Catalog](https:\/\/quotecatalog.com\/)\n- [Creepy Catalog](https:\/\/creepycatalog.com\/)\n- [God & Man](https:\/\/godandman.com\/)\n- [Thought Catalog Books](https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/books\/)\n- [Thought Catalog Agency](https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.agency\/)","attrs_readable_markdown":"Okay, you guys. I’m gonna let you all in on the secret method behind Reverend Matty’s Easy Peasy Peeling Hard Boiled Eggs. If you learn one thing from our time here together, may it be this: Follow these steps and you’ll never experience the utter self-loathing you feel when you destroy an egg during what should’ve been a very simple task. Here we go.\n\nAstrology  \nForecasts\n\n**1\\.** This is big. Warm up your eggs in warm water. The reason for this is two-fold. First, it prevents them from cracking when you put them in the pot of boiling water, and second, it prevents you from hating yourself due to [being](https:\/\/becoming.is\/) a total failure at [life](https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Essays-That-Will-Change-Think\/dp\/1945796065\/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3QSQ818TXTJ20&#038;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.GfXLvMe5tgGZ0BwtQDRwXkEtqjLkiWQYtQIKWdEKeq7bE6dbxnr6PTVdu1VN89vjKQrRaWg5JFr4K1au4w69DY-TsDV4bGHYTYmnoc0w0ZH2FtL1vwFdwkMZLvMhY3dRqE9WH5H-oMism9OQjbl4nx4PffO_sTAnJBbEXX8rUlamsWOI4kC2jiJs4aJo2pL21D18KwgMBwVM-8nHMuMOVedp1u2l_doVpYF07XV8ysU.rl3hJsmlqqWk5pSmslXrTD_OiMB1yJS2o4liSrleF7U&#038;dib_tag=se&#038;keywords=101+essay+that+will+change+the+way+you+think&#038;qid=1727567202&#038;sprefix=101+eaps184&#038;sr=8-1).\n\n**2\\.** Boil a small amount of water in a pot and simultaneously boil water in a kettle. It’s way quicker to boil two small amounts than it is to boil one big one. This is how you go pro in the hard boiled game. It’s also just common sense, which, let’s face it, you could start using a little more of.\n\n**3\\.** Put all that quickly boiled water together. Get that water boiling like crazy. My Nana used to say “get it laughing”. So go for it. High as hell. Boom.\n\n**4\\.** Put some vinegar in that water. Vinegar is good for everything. You can clean stains out of carpets with that shit. You can also make things more delicious. I put it on steak. I don’t know why I put it in the water, to be really honest. I probably saw someone do it once and thought it was cool. Regardless, just put some vinegar in there and move on. You’re already asking way too many questions.\n\n**5\\.** Get those nicely warmed eggs into the laughing water. This is a big step, so don’t screw it up like you did your first marriage. Ease ‘em in and gently place them on the bottom of the pot. But don’t take forever. It’s the shock of hitting that hot ass water that [helps](https:\/\/godandman.com\/category\/prayers\/) these things peel easy, but if you go too fast, you run the risk of breaking the shells like a loser. And you’re not a loser, are you? It doesn’t matter what people say about you behind your back at work. At least you didn’t screw up your eggs like Sarah in accounting (who, by the way, is having an affair with Brian from HR, but you didn’t hear that from me).\n\n**6\\.** Set a timer for 11 minutes and lower the temperature of your boil to what Nana would call “giggling”. Not “laughing”. And don’t give me any back-chat about how you like your eggs harder or softer. Shut up. 11 minutes. This is non-negotiable. If you want to get shitty about it, talk to a lawyer and have them call mine because I ain’t taking it. 11 minutes. Move on.\n\n**7\\.** DING! Your 11 minutes is up, so get your ass off the couch and dump that water as fast as you can. You sit around and drag ass for a couple minutes and you’ll end up with those gross, grey\/blue coatings on your yolks. Then you’ll bitch and complain and try to blame your failure on me. Shit like that is why you’re still single at your age and your parents hate you. Shake. My. Head.\n\n**8\\.** Get those eggs in COLD water NOW! This is egg-shock \\#2 and a huge step in getting those shells off easier than your ex’s pants come off all over town now that they’re finally free of your overbearing bullshit. They were only gonna sleep on the couch so many times before just about anyone’s bed started looking pretty damn good. And let’s face it, you sorta let yourself go a bit there too. No wonder they turned to ice on you. Speaking of ice, fill that cold water with ice. As much of it as you can. I use an ice pack because it lasts longer and I’m *all* about that. Ask your ex.\n\n**9\\.** Put that ice bath in the fridge and set a timer for 13 minutes. This is another non-negotiable timer. I don’t care if you’re hungry. You can last another 13 minutes. I promise you you’ll live. Don’t ask me why it’s 13 minutes. It’s just 13 minutes. [God](https:\/\/godandman.com\/), you’re annoying.\n\n**10\\.** DING! Your 13 minutes of torture are finally over and you’ve somehow survived. And thank god for that. We were all really worried over here. Dump that water. Get that ice pack back in the freezer and put the pot in the dishwasher. Don’t leave it in the sink. I have no idea why you can’t make the one foot leap from the sink to the machine and clean up after yourself. The pile of dishes in your sink is full of fruit flies and it’s starting to smell like a corpse. Who’s going to love you? Seriously. Clean up your act. Anyway, once you’ve accomplished this Herculean feat, get a paper towel, put it on the counter, and give those eggs a couple whacks on it. If you’ve followed the steps and not deviated from the plan like the asshole you proved yourself to be in high school, those shells should peel right off all easy peasy, and VOILA! You’ve got yourself some perfectly peeled eggs.\n\nAnyway, I hope that you have found this tutorial helpful to all your [future](https:\/\/shopcatalog.com\/collections\/gift-sets\/products\/the-personal-transformation-book-collection) egg making and that you’ll start making better life choices. Because let’s face it, you’ve really screwed up a lot of your life and there’s nowhere for you to go but up.","meta_canonical":null,"ml_categories_json":"","ml_types_json":"","ml_intent_types_json":"","meta_language":"en-us","attrs_author":"Matty Granger","attrs_publish_time":1631138114,"attrs_original_publish_time":1631138114,"attrs_is_republished":0,"attrs_nr_words":"1323","attrs_boilerpipe_nr_words":"938","body_ext_links_number":29,"body_int_links_number":29,"meta_nofollow":0,"meta_noarchive":0,"props_was_rendered":0,"src_redirect":"","download_time_msec":412,"download_ttfb_msec":398,"download_size":66207}

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Boilerpipe Text	Okay, you guys. I’m gonna let you all in on the secret method behind Reverend Matty’s Easy Peasy Peeling Hard Boiled Eggs. If you learn one thing from our time here together, may it be this: Follow these steps and you’ll never experience the utter self-loathing you feel when you destroy an egg during what should’ve been a very simple task. Here we go. Astrology Forecasts 1. This is big. Warm up your eggs in warm water. The reason for this is two-fold. First, it prevents them from cracking when you put them in the pot of boiling water, and second, it prevents you from hating yourself due to being a total failure at life . 2. Boil a small amount of water in a pot and simultaneously boil water in a kettle. It’s way quicker to boil two small amounts than it is to boil one big one. This is how you go pro in the hard boiled game. It’s also just common sense, which, let’s face it, you could start using a little more of. 3. Put all that quickly boiled water together. Get that water boiling like crazy. My Nana used to say “get it laughing”. So go for it. High as hell. Boom. 4. Put some vinegar in that water. Vinegar is good for everything. You can clean stains out of carpets with that shit. You can also make things more delicious. I put it on steak. I don’t know why I put it in the water, to be really honest. I probably saw someone do it once and thought it was cool. Regardless, just put some vinegar in there and move on. You’re already asking way too many questions. 5. Get those nicely warmed eggs into the laughing water. This is a big step, so don’t screw it up like you did your first marriage. Ease ‘em in and gently place them on the bottom of the pot. But don’t take forever. It’s the shock of hitting that hot ass water that helps these things peel easy, but if you go too fast, you run the risk of breaking the shells like a loser. And you’re not a loser, are you? It doesn’t matter what people say about you behind your back at work. At least you didn’t screw up your eggs like Sarah in accounting (who, by the way, is having an affair with Brian from HR, but you didn’t hear that from me). 6. Set a timer for 11 minutes and lower the temperature of your boil to what Nana would call “giggling”. Not “laughing”. And don’t give me any back-chat about how you like your eggs harder or softer. Shut up. 11 minutes. This is non-negotiable. If you want to get shitty about it, talk to a lawyer and have them call mine because I ain’t taking it. 11 minutes. Move on. 7. DING! Your 11 minutes is up, so get your ass off the couch and dump that water as fast as you can. You sit around and drag ass for a couple minutes and you’ll end up with those gross, grey/blue coatings on your yolks. Then you’ll bitch and complain and try to blame your failure on me. Shit like that is why you’re still single at your age and your parents hate you. Shake. My. Head. 8. Get those eggs in COLD water NOW! This is egg-shock #2 and a huge step in getting those shells off easier than your ex’s pants come off all over town now that they’re finally free of your overbearing bullshit. They were only gonna sleep on the couch so many times before just about anyone’s bed started looking pretty damn good. And let’s face it, you sorta let yourself go a bit there too. No wonder they turned to ice on you. Speaking of ice, fill that cold water with ice. As much of it as you can. I use an ice pack because it lasts longer and I’m all about that. Ask your ex. 9. Put that ice bath in the fridge and set a timer for 13 minutes. This is another non-negotiable timer. I don’t care if you’re hungry. You can last another 13 minutes. I promise you you’ll live. Don’t ask me why it’s 13 minutes. It’s just 13 minutes. God , you’re annoying. 10. DING! Your 13 minutes of torture are finally over and you’ve somehow survived. And thank god for that. We were all really worried over here. Dump that water. Get that ice pack back in the freezer and put the pot in the dishwasher. Don’t leave it in the sink. I have no idea why you can’t make the one foot leap from the sink to the machine and clean up after yourself. The pile of dishes in your sink is full of fruit flies and it’s starting to smell like a corpse. Who’s going to love you? Seriously. Clean up your act. Anyway, once you’ve accomplished this Herculean feat, get a paper towel, put it on the counter, and give those eggs a couple whacks on it. If you’ve followed the steps and not deviated from the plan like the asshole you proved yourself to be in high school, those shells should peel right off all easy peasy, and VOILA! You’ve got yourself some perfectly peeled eggs. Anyway, I hope that you have found this tutorial helpful to all your future egg making and that you’ll start making better life choices. Because let’s face it, you’ve really screwed up a lot of your life and there’s nowhere for you to go but up.
Markdown	[Skip to content](https://collective.world/the-definitive-guide-to-hard-boiling-an-egg-without-hating-yourself/#cw-content) [![Collective World](https://collective.world/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2023/03/cw-logo.png)](https://collective.world/) Menu - [Shop](https://shopcatalog.com/) Full moon in 19 days ## 🌓 ✨ [Horoscope For Today](https://collective.world/daily-horoscope) ✨ 🌙 [Tarotscope For Today](https://collective.world/daily-tarotscope) 🌙 ![](https://collective.world/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2021/09/pexels-mona-sabha-cabrera-806457-scaled.jpg?w=1280) [Mona Sabha Cabrera](https://www.pexels.com/photo/sliced-boiled-egg-on-white-plate-806457/) # The Definitive Guide To Hard Boiling An Egg Without Hating Yourself - Updated 3 years ago, October 25 2022 - [Humor](https://collective.world/tag/humor/) [Matty Granger](https://collective.world/author/matty-granger/) Okay, you guys. I’m gonna let you all in on the secret method behind Reverend Matty’s Easy Peasy Peeling Hard Boiled Eggs. If you learn one thing from our time here together, may it be this: Follow these steps and you’ll never experience the utter self-loathing you feel when you destroy an egg during what should’ve been a very simple task. Here we go. Astrology Forecasts - [If 2020 Broke You, 2026 Rebuilds You: How the Saturn-Pluto Cycle Is Reshaping Your Life](https://collective.world/if-2020-broke-you-2026-rebuilds-you-how-the-saturn-pluto-cycle-is-reshaping-your-life/?utm_campaign=astrology-forecast) - [Mars Enters Aries: Why Everything Feels Off (And Why That Changes Tomorrow)](https://collective.world/mars-enters-aries-why-everything-feels-off-and-why-that-changes-tomorrow/?utm_campaign=astrology-forecast) - [How Venus In Taurus Is Changing Your Love Standards (Quietly, But Completely)](https://collective.world/how-venus-in-taurus-is-changing-your-love-standards-quietly-but-completely/?utm_campaign=astrology-forecast) 1\. This is big. Warm up your eggs in warm water. The reason for this is two-fold. First, it prevents them from cracking when you put them in the pot of boiling water, and second, it prevents you from hating yourself due to [being](https://becoming.is/) a total failure at [life](https://www.amazon.com/Essays-That-Will-Change-Think/dp/1945796065/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3QSQ818TXTJ20&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.GfXLvMe5tgGZ0BwtQDRwXkEtqjLkiWQYtQIKWdEKeq7bE6dbxnr6PTVdu1VN89vjKQrRaWg5JFr4K1au4w69DY-TsDV4bGHYTYmnoc0w0ZH2FtL1vwFdwkMZLvMhY3dRqE9WH5H-oMism9OQjbl4nx4PffO_sTAnJBbEXX8rUlamsWOI4kC2jiJs4aJo2pL21D18KwgMBwVM-8nHMuMOVedp1u2l_doVpYF07XV8ysU.rl3hJsmlqqWk5pSmslXrTD_OiMB1yJS2o4liSrleF7U&dib_tag=se&keywords=101+essay+that+will+change+the+way+you+think&qid=1727567202&sprefix=101+eaps184&sr=8-1). 2\. Boil a small amount of water in a pot and simultaneously boil water in a kettle. It’s way quicker to boil two small amounts than it is to boil one big one. This is how you go pro in the hard boiled game. It’s also just common sense, which, let’s face it, you could start using a little more of. 3\. Put all that quickly boiled water together. Get that water boiling like crazy. My Nana used to say “get it laughing”. So go for it. High as hell. Boom. 4\. Put some vinegar in that water. Vinegar is good for everything. You can clean stains out of carpets with that shit. You can also make things more delicious. I put it on steak. I don’t know why I put it in the water, to be really honest. I probably saw someone do it once and thought it was cool. Regardless, just put some vinegar in there and move on. You’re already asking way too many questions. 5\. Get those nicely warmed eggs into the laughing water. This is a big step, so don’t screw it up like you did your first marriage. Ease ‘em in and gently place them on the bottom of the pot. But don’t take forever. It’s the shock of hitting that hot ass water that [helps](https://godandman.com/category/prayers/) these things peel easy, but if you go too fast, you run the risk of breaking the shells like a loser. And you’re not a loser, are you? It doesn’t matter what people say about you behind your back at work. At least you didn’t screw up your eggs like Sarah in accounting (who, by the way, is having an affair with Brian from HR, but you didn’t hear that from me). 6\. Set a timer for 11 minutes and lower the temperature of your boil to what Nana would call “giggling”. Not “laughing”. And don’t give me any back-chat about how you like your eggs harder or softer. Shut up. 11 minutes. This is non-negotiable. If you want to get shitty about it, talk to a lawyer and have them call mine because I ain’t taking it. 11 minutes. Move on. 7\. DING! Your 11 minutes is up, so get your ass off the couch and dump that water as fast as you can. You sit around and drag ass for a couple minutes and you’ll end up with those gross, grey/blue coatings on your yolks. Then you’ll bitch and complain and try to blame your failure on me. Shit like that is why you’re still single at your age and your parents hate you. Shake. My. Head. 8\. Get those eggs in COLD water NOW! This is egg-shock \#2 and a huge step in getting those shells off easier than your ex’s pants come off all over town now that they’re finally free of your overbearing bullshit. They were only gonna sleep on the couch so many times before just about anyone’s bed started looking pretty damn good. And let’s face it, you sorta let yourself go a bit there too. No wonder they turned to ice on you. Speaking of ice, fill that cold water with ice. As much of it as you can. I use an ice pack because it lasts longer and I’m all about that. Ask your ex. 9\. Put that ice bath in the fridge and set a timer for 13 minutes. This is another non-negotiable timer. I don’t care if you’re hungry. You can last another 13 minutes. I promise you you’ll live. Don’t ask me why it’s 13 minutes. It’s just 13 minutes. [God](https://godandman.com/), you’re annoying. 10\. DING! Your 13 minutes of torture are finally over and you’ve somehow survived. And thank god for that. We were all really worried over here. Dump that water. Get that ice pack back in the freezer and put the pot in the dishwasher. Don’t leave it in the sink. I have no idea why you can’t make the one foot leap from the sink to the machine and clean up after yourself. The pile of dishes in your sink is full of fruit flies and it’s starting to smell like a corpse. Who’s going to love you? Seriously. Clean up your act. Anyway, once you’ve accomplished this Herculean feat, get a paper towel, put it on the counter, and give those eggs a couple whacks on it. If you’ve followed the steps and not deviated from the plan like the asshole you proved yourself to be in high school, those shells should peel right off all easy peasy, and VOILA! You’ve got yourself some perfectly peeled eggs. Anyway, I hope that you have found this tutorial helpful to all your [future](https://shopcatalog.com/collections/gift-sets/products/the-personal-transformation-book-collection) egg making and that you’ll start making better life choices. Because let’s face it, you’ve really screwed up a lot of your life and there’s nowhere for you to go but up. 623 Updated 1 day ago ## About The Author [Matty Granger](https://collective.world/author/matty-granger/) ## Celestial Books [![](https://collective.world/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/11/letgotrustgod.jpg?w=768)](https://www.amazon.com/Let-Trust-Become-Were-Meant/dp/1965820182?crid=3MRWF9P08P6G7&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.e7p07lXlxBanbOLjI0o0pTTjhi7qjkPM7axxSEp6NwJ-OR761k6sZD1SQUrVzlen6w2RZUPkZMGiyPlnjkMWmq-UuDFyqqEy1zyLBFwtM_59432L6tKeYVqsI9MgpqhQlEUTeLc1IC7HGGzi3mnmwAtDdn-wPxBWNCRkKSTQgeYjF2Wy-Pg2ErKcjh_Xe59YkDL-Ni4jq3HXDb6P3cZDxKbGvTa67IC1LRniVXxOdjU.UX68XEh6g-wCxN1Nl5NnGIScI2F0P3KpP0rIfM5vAdA&dib_tag=se&keywords=let+go+trust+god&qid=1754406149&sprefix=%2Caps%2C103&sr=8-1&linkCode=sl1&tag=collectiveworld-20&linkId=87027657aad4ee7c88c4bf0e147fe8c2&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl) [Let Go, Trust God by Rebecca Simon](https://www.amazon.com/Let-Trust-Become-Were-Meant/dp/1965820182?crid=3MRWF9P08P6G7&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.e7p07lXlxBanbOLjI0o0pTTjhi7qjkPM7axxSEp6NwJ-OR761k6sZD1SQUrVzlen6w2RZUPkZMGiyPlnjkMWmq-UuDFyqqEy1zyLBFwtM_59432L6tKeYVqsI9MgpqhQlEUTeLc1IC7HGGzi3mnmwAtDdn-wPxBWNCRkKSTQgeYjF2Wy-Pg2ErKcjh_Xe59YkDL-Ni4jq3HXDb6P3cZDxKbGvTa67IC1LRniVXxOdjU.UX68XEh6g-wCxN1Nl5NnGIScI2F0P3KpP0rIfM5vAdA&dib_tag=se&keywords=let+go+trust+god&qid=1754406149&sprefix=%2Caps%2C103&sr=8-1&linkCode=sl1&tag=collectiveworld-20&linkId=87027657aad4ee7c88c4bf0e147fe8c2&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl) ![1](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1853/2213/files/The_Life_Changing_Power-Of_Tarot_Book_001.jpg?v=1736805876&width=960&height=1280&crop=center) ### [The Life-Changing Power of Tarot: Reading the Cards for Self-Empowerment](https://shopcatalog.com/products/the-life-changing-power-of-tarot-reading-the-cards-for-self-empowerment?utm_campaign=collectiveworld&utm_medium=web&utm_source=after-content) ![1](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1853/2213/files/Play_The_Tarot_Cards_You_re_Dealt_001.jpg?v=1739385865&width=960&height=1280&crop=center) ### [Play the Tarot Cards You're Dealt: Practical Prompts To Manifest Your Dreams](https://shopcatalog.com/products/play-the-tarot-cards-youre-dealt?utm_campaign=collectiveworld&utm_medium=web&utm_source=after-content) ![1](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1853/2213/files/The_Life_That_s_Waiting_004.jpg?v=1740031579&width=1280&height=1707&crop=center) ### [The Life That's Waiting](https://shopcatalog.com/products/the-life-thats-waiting?utm_campaign=collectiveworld&utm_medium=web&utm_source=after-content) ![1](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1853/2213/files/How_To_Manifest_Anything_001.jpg?v=1722457091&width=1280&height=1707&crop=center) ### [How To Manifest Anything](https://shopcatalog.com/products/how-to-manifest-anything?utm_campaign=collectiveworld&utm_medium=web&utm_source=after-content) ![1](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1853/2213/files/I_AFFIRM_003_CodyLidtke_99bf58ab-cbb4-497c-902c-9b086e728785.jpg?v=1753796999&width=1280&height=1707&crop=center) ### [I Affirm: Affirmation Cards To Hone Your Intuition](https://shopcatalog.com/products/i-affirm-affirmation-deck?utm_campaign=collectiveworld&utm_medium=web&utm_source=after-content) ![1](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1853/2213/products/BriannaWiest_TheMountainIsYou_sized-for-SC-Cropped_523a103e-23ce-491a-9312-a2684a8ff504.jpg?v=1696410443&width=2560&height=3413&crop=center) ### [The Mountain Is You](https://shopcatalog.com/products/the-mountain-is-you?utm_campaign=collectiveworld&utm_medium=web&utm_source=after-content) - [![Horoscope For Today: Sunday, April 12, 2026](https://collective.world/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2024/04/brittani-burns-WGpipz09VBI-unsplash.jpg?w=1280)](https://collective.world/horoscope-for-today-sunday-april-12-2026/) [Daily Horoscope](https://collective.world/tag/daily-horoscope/) ## [Horoscope For Today: Sunday, April 12, 2026](https://collective.world/horoscope-for-today-sunday-april-12-2026/) It’s a big day in the cosmos, my friends! 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Readable Markdown	Okay, you guys. I’m gonna let you all in on the secret method behind Reverend Matty’s Easy Peasy Peeling Hard Boiled Eggs. If you learn one thing from our time here together, may it be this: Follow these steps and you’ll never experience the utter self-loathing you feel when you destroy an egg during what should’ve been a very simple task. Here we go. Astrology Forecasts 1\. This is big. Warm up your eggs in warm water. The reason for this is two-fold. First, it prevents them from cracking when you put them in the pot of boiling water, and second, it prevents you from hating yourself due to [being](https://becoming.is/) a total failure at [life](https://www.amazon.com/Essays-That-Will-Change-Think/dp/1945796065/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3QSQ818TXTJ20&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.GfXLvMe5tgGZ0BwtQDRwXkEtqjLkiWQYtQIKWdEKeq7bE6dbxnr6PTVdu1VN89vjKQrRaWg5JFr4K1au4w69DY-TsDV4bGHYTYmnoc0w0ZH2FtL1vwFdwkMZLvMhY3dRqE9WH5H-oMism9OQjbl4nx4PffO_sTAnJBbEXX8rUlamsWOI4kC2jiJs4aJo2pL21D18KwgMBwVM-8nHMuMOVedp1u2l_doVpYF07XV8ysU.rl3hJsmlqqWk5pSmslXrTD_OiMB1yJS2o4liSrleF7U&dib_tag=se&keywords=101+essay+that+will+change+the+way+you+think&qid=1727567202&sprefix=101+eaps184&sr=8-1). 2\. Boil a small amount of water in a pot and simultaneously boil water in a kettle. It’s way quicker to boil two small amounts than it is to boil one big one. This is how you go pro in the hard boiled game. It’s also just common sense, which, let’s face it, you could start using a little more of. 3\. Put all that quickly boiled water together. Get that water boiling like crazy. My Nana used to say “get it laughing”. So go for it. High as hell. Boom. 4\. Put some vinegar in that water. Vinegar is good for everything. You can clean stains out of carpets with that shit. You can also make things more delicious. I put it on steak. I don’t know why I put it in the water, to be really honest. I probably saw someone do it once and thought it was cool. Regardless, just put some vinegar in there and move on. You’re already asking way too many questions. 5\. Get those nicely warmed eggs into the laughing water. This is a big step, so don’t screw it up like you did your first marriage. Ease ‘em in and gently place them on the bottom of the pot. But don’t take forever. It’s the shock of hitting that hot ass water that [helps](https://godandman.com/category/prayers/) these things peel easy, but if you go too fast, you run the risk of breaking the shells like a loser. And you’re not a loser, are you? It doesn’t matter what people say about you behind your back at work. At least you didn’t screw up your eggs like Sarah in accounting (who, by the way, is having an affair with Brian from HR, but you didn’t hear that from me). 6\. Set a timer for 11 minutes and lower the temperature of your boil to what Nana would call “giggling”. Not “laughing”. And don’t give me any back-chat about how you like your eggs harder or softer. Shut up. 11 minutes. This is non-negotiable. If you want to get shitty about it, talk to a lawyer and have them call mine because I ain’t taking it. 11 minutes. Move on. 7\. DING! Your 11 minutes is up, so get your ass off the couch and dump that water as fast as you can. You sit around and drag ass for a couple minutes and you’ll end up with those gross, grey/blue coatings on your yolks. Then you’ll bitch and complain and try to blame your failure on me. Shit like that is why you’re still single at your age and your parents hate you. Shake. My. Head. 8\. Get those eggs in COLD water NOW! This is egg-shock \#2 and a huge step in getting those shells off easier than your ex’s pants come off all over town now that they’re finally free of your overbearing bullshit. They were only gonna sleep on the couch so many times before just about anyone’s bed started looking pretty damn good. And let’s face it, you sorta let yourself go a bit there too. No wonder they turned to ice on you. Speaking of ice, fill that cold water with ice. As much of it as you can. I use an ice pack because it lasts longer and I’m all about that. Ask your ex. 9\. Put that ice bath in the fridge and set a timer for 13 minutes. This is another non-negotiable timer. I don’t care if you’re hungry. You can last another 13 minutes. I promise you you’ll live. Don’t ask me why it’s 13 minutes. It’s just 13 minutes. [God](https://godandman.com/), you’re annoying. 10\. DING! Your 13 minutes of torture are finally over and you’ve somehow survived. And thank god for that. We were all really worried over here. Dump that water. Get that ice pack back in the freezer and put the pot in the dishwasher. Don’t leave it in the sink. I have no idea why you can’t make the one foot leap from the sink to the machine and clean up after yourself. The pile of dishes in your sink is full of fruit flies and it’s starting to smell like a corpse. Who’s going to love you? Seriously. Clean up your act. Anyway, once you’ve accomplished this Herculean feat, get a paper towel, put it on the counter, and give those eggs a couple whacks on it. If you’ve followed the steps and not deviated from the plan like the asshole you proved yourself to be in high school, those shells should peel right off all easy peasy, and VOILA! You’ve got yourself some perfectly peeled eggs. Anyway, I hope that you have found this tutorial helpful to all your [future](https://shopcatalog.com/collections/gift-sets/products/the-personal-transformation-book-collection) egg making and that you’ll start making better life choices. Because let’s face it, you’ve really screwed up a lot of your life and there’s nowhere for you to go but up.
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Author	Matty Granger
Publish Time	2021-09-08 21:55:14 (4 years ago)
Original Publish Time	2021-09-08 21:55:14 (4 years ago)
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